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How does one end a marriage? (1 Viewer)

River Rose

Senior Member
How does one box up a lifetime?
How does one take all the memories, laughter , love and say goodbye?
Even tho you know it is the only road to peace.
How do I let the person I used to know remain in my heart while letting you go?
How does one come to terms that forever was never meant for us?
How do I look at my children knowing we failed at a promise we made to each other?
How did love turn to anger, yelling, hatred?
If someone knows the answers,,,please tell me.
Cuz right now,,,I can’t see the road in front of me.
As I am learning how one ends a marriage.
 

midnightpoet

WF Veterans
There's always an end, Rose, a trigger that tells you it's over and time to move on despite all the trauma. Mine came late one night with a phone call from one of my wife's lovers while she was dancing at a local honky-tonk. I wasn't angry with him, just resigned to the inevitable. I called a lawyer, ended up getting full custody (this was in 1978, mind) of our son. Yes, it was hard, but it woke me up and gave me determination. Luckily I found a lady willing to help and we're still together after 41 years.

Good luck.
 

dither

Member
WF Veterans
I wish I knew Rose, I wish I knew.
I'm still living in mine, I'm a gutless spineless wimp, after twenty years of failing.
We're just two people living alone together.
 

Amnesiac

Senior Member
There comes a point where the anger, the sorrow, the blame, the recrimination... All of it becomes a stone too heavy to carry any longer. Time and distance from the initial event cause it to shrink in importance, and before long, there will be glimmers of hope; days when you don't think about them at all. And to your children, look at them and know that rather than model an awful example of what a marriage should be, the decision was made to model something more honest, more healthy to them. And to let them know that sometimes, people can, and often do, simply grow apart. And in any case, life is always right - It's only our attachment to "how things should be," that causes our undue suffering. Take it one day at a time. It is, after all, a death. Mourn it, mourn the "shoulds," mourn the betrayal, forgive your own mistakes. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself, and in the end, you will emerge from the wreckage with a scar or two, but scars are badges of honor -- proof that you've survived. You'll be okay.
 
well thats always sad .. even to hear about. but id say depending on the personality of the couple it is always different ( for future cases you might want to use the alignment test just to have some idea about that person). one of my friends was going through the same thing as you are and I will say to you what i said to him ! first off let it go and second what makes someone a bad person ? i think your description answers the 2nd question
 
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matthew1959

Senior Member
If it's anything like death, my first piece of advice is take time to grieve. Don't let anyone tell you how long it will take you to see and enjoy a sunrise. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. I think it's a movie quote, "When you find you are walking through Hell, keep walking."
 

Gofa

Friends of WF
Mine ended when I asked God
“please give rhe courage to say enough”

when a relationship has died it is dead
the vow was until death we do part
it is the relationship that dies and with that we do part

to me it was the hopes and dreams of happily ever after that i mourned for
but the ending of the pain in my childrens lives forced the issue

my regret I stayed too long
 

dither

Member
WF Veterans
I have never been a shouter OR a fighter, was brought up with that crap. If/whenever we talk, and it's weird, we can go days with barely a word spoken, really!, and then other days she can be quite chatty. I don't think we've ever really argued, maybe we should have.
 

dither

Member
WF Veterans
If there is shouting and fighting, then there is still passion. It's merely transmuted into its flipside. Apathy and contempt: Those are the kiss of death.

Either way children are damaged, less so by A&C I would respectfully suggest.
 

Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
Either way children are damaged, less so by A&C I would respectfully suggest.

I was lucky enough not to experience either, but my experience of those who have would make me think the difference in damage is one of quality rather than degree, and that it is muted when it is made clear that the conflict is between adults and does not involve the children they both love.
 

dither

Member
WF Veterans
Mr.Buckle you were indeed lucky. Children can't possibly come out of such situations totally unscathed and I DO believe that this is a huge contributor to why and how society has become what it is.

And then, the world being what it is, a great many of us are casualties [perhaps] of life itself and all we can do is keep going.
 
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TheManx

Senior Member
Aimed at no one in particular -- my wife and I married pretty young -- at 23 and 22 -- shotgun wedding, so to speak. We'd only known each other less than 5 months, and we weren't ready for any of it. No one gave us a chance. We muddled through, had wonderful times, but we fought a lot, and sometimes for no good reason at all. At a crises point, we decided to see a counselor -- and having a neutral sounding board worked wonders. She taught us how to "fight" constructively, but the funny thing is, after a while, we pretty much stopped fighting. We've since gone through some tough things, and we've gone back to her for a "tune up." Of course, you both have to want go and believe there's a lot at stake that's worth saving. I think the key is not waiting until all the animosity and mistrust kills the love or whatever is left of it...
 
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