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Homage to Ambrose Bierce. (1 Viewer)

Torus34

Senior Member
Over the past few years I've worked on a dictionary of sorts. The general style's that of The Devil's Dictionary, a standard of wit I cannot hope to match. Here are a few entries.

[From A Modern Dictionary, Fragmentary Press, 2016, Chelm, IA.]

Agnostic, n. A person who, diving deep in the Ocean of Truth in search of certainty, has failed to touch bottom.

Capitalist
, n. One who has mastered the art of making a living through the efforts of others. [See also Politician.]

Censure, n. A process which produces a close shave without drawing blood.

Cynicism, n. Reality mixed with a dash of bitters and served by a barkeep sporting a wry smile.

“Who knows what evil lurks,” he asked,
“Within the hearts and minds of men?”
“Quite simple, Sir,” the cynic said.
“It’s all that you have guessed, times ten.”


Politician, n. See Capitalist.

Position, n. An ideological point on the political map. To take a position is to plant both feet firmly on an undefined location. The basic map coordinates are ego and the political zeitgeist.

A politician, one fine day
Said, with a lofty air:
'I'm standing on my principles.
I'm sure you'll find them fair.'

And then he turned and walked away.
I checked the floor with care;
Examined where he just had stood,
But there was nothing there.


Voter, n. pl. Dupes. One who gives his emotions permission to pilfer his purse.
 
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