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His First Day in Office (1 Viewer)

stellar

Senior Member
Hi,
I made a short piece, sort of current event piece. I'd appreciate any comments ideas, suggestions. It's all good.
Hope it makes a fun read. The accuracy of some of the aspects are probably off and if it is angering, I'll be glad to hear. Thanks, all.






His oversized duffels are neatly stacked in five perfectly aligned moving trucks along the backyard entranceway of the White House.

“Annie, we did it.” Mitt said in his soothing voice. It echoed strong into the strikingly chilly, crisp January air. He thought to himself that this opening line echoed as cool as if a leading man in an action movie had said it. This would be his action movie. He is the president.

“Mitch, let’s explore the place a little.”

“Of course, my first lady. You’re the Commander now.”

“And you’re my commander in chief. Let’s sign some bills, baybee!”

The happy couple dashes back inside the giant French doors, racing to see exactly what the Oval office looks like in the flesh. They had seen it before, but they had never felt what it was like to actually be inside it and own the place. A secret service member hands Mitt a digital tablet just as they pause for a moment inside.

“ Mr. President, I need confirmation of some changes to to-days schedule.”
Ann looks surprised, smiling graciously. She can see that celebrating might have to wait.

“Well it comes with the territory I guess.”
She picks up her cellular and scans her own planner, hoping they might at least be able to spare some time for a second dinner if the first one gets replaced by another public affair.

“Oh this can’t be good.”
Mitt’s eyes grow more serious.

“Well can we move the 2:30 to tomorrow? That way me and our Commander in Chief can have a little extra time to get acquainted with the place?

“No can do sir. Miss Rice wants to prepare you for your first act as president. Have you read the aligned historical logs of past presidents? It’s supposed to be a precursor to your term of office in the people’s eyes.”

“Yes it’s in my suitcase. I’m getting to it soon. Okay well … Ann, what can you make of our day from this?”

“Well, honey, you’re going to be pretty busy I guess for the next four years. We can reschedule ours for 2015 then.”
Mitt laughs and gives Ann a wink.

“Don’t worry, hun I won’t do that to you.”
The assistant dismisses himself, leaving Mitt and Ann smiling to each other.
Just as expected, Mitt is having the first inaugural dinner with a large party of official members. Fine china is selected from the storage. It is circa 1901 acquired from Theodore Roosevelt’s personal collection. Ann thought it would be a good choice since Mr. Roosevelt embodied a strong masculine man who would be a great idol to set America right.
The party started well. Mitt’s toast to the new term in office garners chuckles and he made a good number of vows to rekindle the love and sincerity of the American people. Ann approved with gracious bows and applause.

And the champagne came. The prime minister of Pakistan was pleased to know they weren’t just serving ginger ale like all the other Western nations. This might turn out to be more of a party than those other useless press events. Georgia’s Prime minister also felt similarly, smiling at the real alcohol, but disliked that the representative from Pakistan was sharing his admiration. They both were a bit nervous about the upcoming dinner; as they should be though.

On the shoulders of multiple servers in chef hats, a large presentation platter of pork ribs and beef ribs floated to the center of the endlessly long table setting. The meat glistened like a finely crafted oil painting.

“I hope there will be fish at least” The man from Pakistan said enthusiastically. “I cannot eat those”

A senator whispered a condescending remark about inviting the ambassadors of the other nation, saying something about dinners like these should be more intimate. The neighbor senator next to her then mentioned an aside about money for their veterans then they laughed, taking a sip of their specially requested wine.

Mitt rapped the table just as conversation was about to fly at higher levels.

“And I would like to thank Mr. Vano Merabishvili for joining us tonight. I know he has had a long flight, just landing not more than a number of hours ago and also the great gift that his family has given us. Ann loves the scarves. But above all things…” Mitt goes on to talk about the upcoming month and how January meant so many great things to him.

Along the wall adjacent to the kitchen stands the team of cooks and servers aligned in a row. The hold their hands firmly clasped, enjoying the reception of their food. The guests are diving into their food more enthusiastically now. Raja Pervez Ashraf continues to get eerie looks from not only his distant Georgian neighbor, but also the cooking team. He nervously takes a sip of champagne to shake off the feeling. Mitt breaks the ice and calls to Raja.

“You know, my father met your last country’s leader at a banquet just like this. I can’t say enough about him. Great guy. What a great guy.”

“Thank you, Mr. Romney. It is how do you say , a pleasure to come tonight. Have you gone skiing? It’s quite popular in my country now a days. “

“Yeah I love skiing. “

Vano gives a misguided look towards his rival before interjecting.

“I don’t know what Pakistan has to do with that sport. They can’t even do it in their own country! Now the mountains of Georgia. That’s a skiers paradise.”
Mitt’s ears pop up. One of the chefs give him an approving look.

“Is that so, Vano! What are those Georgian mountaintops like? You know Ann and I are planning an east European ski trip this year. We would love to try your slopes out sometime.”
The second course comes in. miniature plates on top of larger plates fill the room and everything is a clatter of switching plate ware. The dinner ends and the guests filter outside to continue their chats.
It’s two o’clock in the morning. The guests have all left. Mitt is sitting with a table of men and women in suits discussing the highlights of the dinner.

“Here we have a set of suggestions for your first set of acts as president, Mr. President.”
The man closest to Mitt sets a large binder close to Mitt. His look is powerfully imposing. Mitt takes a moment to pull himself backwards. He is still slightly light-headed from the success of the night, possibly a bit tipsy.

“I wanted to work out my speech for sure. I’m thinking about that Michigan plant that everyone seems to think I was pandering as an excuse. I want to show them I know what it’s all about. So the opening line goes like this...”
The binder seems to float closer to Mr. Romney.

“If I may, Mr. President. That plant is a very small detail and we need to work on the bigger picture for these four years.”
Mitt smiles. “I know that’s what it seems like. It’s just a couple hundred jobs and a huge waste of money if it doesn’t take off. And I thought you wouldn’t like it. So here’s what we’re going to do. It won’t be just that plant but a number of plants. All automobiles because that’s what our nation’s shelling out like mad. We have to show ‘em that American means Better. We’re going to support the investors. That’s right. And anyone who wants to support those investors will get tax benefits too. It’s a chance for the American people to join in on the fight for our jobs. ”

The folder inches closer to Mitt.

“Fine, fine well what do you guys have?” He opens the black binder.

A list of foreign nations were scribed along with a number of raw materials, their uses, how untapped and cost effective they would be, and some potentially threatening uses for them. At the top sat Pakistan and Georgia. When Mitt looked up to ask about the list, he received half of the people at the table with gazes firmly holding him down, just like the forceful suit next to him. He breathed.

“And what do you suggest?”

None dared to speak.
Ann was already in bed. Mitt walked in looking haggard. Pour me a drink, Ann, I think I need something STRONG. She looked at him, worried. Hun, what just happened?

“Ann, we’re going to have that skiing trip sooner than we thought.”

“Oh Mitt, that’s wonderful!”

She was glowing now, excited that the workload for Mitt might not be so terrible. Mitt even grew a bit of a smile. He blushed though, remembering how his dear auto makers might just have to wait a little longer before he could fulfill their promises like president yet. If he could just get them those jobs at that plant, there would be so many more jobs! He would have to be a success then.
 

Tonythetiger

Senior Member
I know you mentioned that the accuracy may be off but really this whole thing just feels very unrealistic to me. A lot of things can and would happen to the president especially on the first day and even if you did just want to zoom in to one specific event it's still just very relaxed. The writing is alright but I do feel like the story jumped from one idea to the next without any transition.

Overall I feel like this is good if you were stepping out of your comfort zone but I think I'd want to see you write about something you know more about.

-T3
 

stellar

Senior Member
Thanks,
I know there are writers who devote whole long works to the events of a single day or even a few hours.
I have written with heavy detail about very cramped point in times, but it come out thick uninteresting and drolls on. I'm hoping my writing was smooth to read and didn't frusturate the reader in its passage of events. I will try to understand writing on the micro level better. It will benefit all the other writing for sure. Any suggestions on writing with that level of detail?
 

bazz cargo

Retired Supervisor
Hi Stellar,
this is where you have a problem. I quite like the flow of the piece. As I read it, there was enough detail.

I would use an imaginary name for the President and his spouse, dodging any preconceived impressions of their character.

Somehow, I imagine the President and his wife would be split up and taken on separate introductions to the place, its staff and duties. Plus, it would be very risky to hold an important dinner straight off. And it would be useful to have some kind of hierarchy explanation. Maybe explore some of the other characters a bit; it is a big ensemble.

It was an interesting read.
Thank you for sharing.
Bazz
 
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