Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

Hidden Cove (prompt fiction) (1 Viewer)

starsofclay

Senior Member
The following story was written to the prompt, which is a painting submitted to my creative arts club on Facebook. Then, I made music to go with it as well, which is in the youtube video.
****************************

<--click here for the music video.

FB_IMG_1622155001684.jpg



HIDDEN COVE

Exploring the beach one day, I stumbled upon a hidden cove tucked away between high walls of stone. I had been stranded on this island for days, and this was probably the first time I smiled.

I guess I thought-- If I'm to die here, at least I have an amazing yard. So this is where I built my first permanent shelter. It was small and flimsy, and the island's monkeys came down and ransacked it along with my stores of coconuts. I learned to bury my food, and rebuilt the shelter with extra palm leaves and timber.

Over time I gathered enough materials to make crude tools and built a stronger dwelling, this one more of a hut or shack. There was no door of course, but plenty of time. Not much of the plane washed up on shore, though eventually there was enough to craft a nice tin roof. I know that doesn't seem much, but believe me: the prospect of a dry night during wet season was life changing.

It surprised me how quickly I settled into this new life. I had seen all the movies (and that famous show) and although nothing could ever prepare me for the actual experience, I felt a bit guilty for how little I missed home. Sure, I'd kill for a warm meal or a super venti cold foam latte; but I left single, and dad was well cared for at Oak Valley retirement village.

Last we spoke, he was playing croquet in golf carts, and had asked Margaret to ride with him. His new neighbor, Margaret, was widowed since before I started pilot lessons. So anyway... I knew he'd be fine without me, if it ever came to that. No sight of searchers yet, and I'd been burning a smoke stack on the open beach since day one.

I never made friends with the monkeys, though we had a mutual agreement over coconuts and bananas. The agreement was that we both love these fruits and the monkeys had complete dibs on any they found. Luckily I discovered a marshy area they wouldn't touch--because, I learned, the tall water birds are quite territorial. There were less of them mid morning, but I don't think I got a single meal without beating off a giant bird or two.

With time, the shack grew to a cabin. Still very small, as I don't need much home space; but I wanted a bench and a table for projects, and a porch facing the hidden cove. Here I would sit and whittle, and melt into the crashing waves.

One night, I walked to the beach and snuffed out the fire.

Maybe I'll try teaching the monkeys sign language.

***********************
This story brought to you by MindVenture Club. The painting is used by permission of club member, Patrick J. McCollum

***********************
 
Last edited:

vranger

Staff member
Supervisor
Outside of one typo in the next to last sentence, I couldn't find much to comment on--except to say that I liked it. You're quite effective at setting the mood and showing the character meeting his objectives. Nice story.
 
Last edited:

Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
Lovely! I really like the concept of "Dreaming Tools." Great name.

The only suggestions would be:

"His new neighbor Margaret, was widowed..."

Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.
 

starsofclay

Senior Member
Outside of one typo in the next to last sentence, I couldn't find much to comment on--except to say that I liked it. You're quite effective at setting the mood and showing the character meeting his objectives. Nice story.
Thank you! Can't beleive I missed that typo😂

Lovely! I really like the concept of "Dreaming Tools." Great name.

The only suggestions would be:

"His new neighbor Margaret, was widowed..."

Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! Fixed... At this point, not sure if it was a typo or intentional 😅

Do you like writing short stories to picture prompts? Over at my creative arts club on Facebook, all member submitted paintings are open for story and musical interpretation. Come check it out! MindVenture Club
 

vranger

Staff member
Supervisor
I actually liked the comma better before Margaret. I think if you place a comma after it, you need one on both sides. I had the same initial reaction as Taylor, but it does work before Margaret. However, if readers are doing a double take, that's a good reason to put one on both sides.

We just did a 1000-word collaboration challenge based on a picture prompt. It's the only one I've seen here with a picture prompt, and I've had fun doing two collaborations and three LMs, but fiction that short isn't my forte. Being used to novels, writing 650 or 1000 words doesn't even get me warmed up good. LOL
 

Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
I think if you place a comma after it, you need one on both sides. I had the same initial reaction as Taylor, but it does work before Margaret. However, if readers are doing a double take, that's a good reason to put one on both sides.
I agree, one on either side of Margaret works best. Those elusive commas hey?
 

vranger

Staff member
Supervisor
By the way, we failed miserably so far in not commenting on the music. Beautiful. It puts me in mind of compositions and performances by a friend of mine, Laura Sullivan ... and since she's a Grammy winner, that's a strong comparison. :) I'd love to hear a version of it at a better bitrate than YouTube gives us. YouTube compresses the audio so much it's always a bit muddy. We need to hear that in FLAC!
 

starsofclay

Senior Member
By the way, we failed miserably so far in not commenting on the music. Beautiful. It puts me in mind of compositions and performances by a friend of mine, Laura Sullivan ... and since she's a Grammy winner, that's a strong comparison. :) I'd love to hear a version of it at a better bitrate than YouTube gives us. YouTube compresses the audio so much it's always a bit muddy. We need to hear that in FLAC!
Long story short on the commas... I originally had it on both sides, but I overuse commas as a habit so I always go back and see where I can take some out.
And thank you so much about the music! I wonder what would be the best way to share the uncompressed file?

I never learned to read music properly, and haven't played in years, but something special keeps coming out when channelling the paintings (and/or story).
 
Last edited:

starsofclay

Senior Member
By the way, we failed miserably so far in not commenting on the music. Beautiful. It puts me in mind of compositions and performances by a friend of mine, Laura Sullivan ... and since she's a Grammy winner, that's a strong comparison. :) I'd love to hear a version of it at a better bitrate than YouTube gives us. YouTube compresses the audio so much it's always a bit muddy. We need to hear that in FLAC!
as requested... if this works... here is the FLAC of this music.

FLAC Music
 

vranger

Staff member
Supervisor
ah sorry about that. Trying again, now with soundcloud.

That worked, and FAR better. :) I imagined that your surf was indeed surf, but with the YouTube compression it sounded as much like static as surf. LOL My wife and I both very much enjoy it. Do you have other compositions/performances?
 

vranger

Staff member
Supervisor
Sure! You can check out my playlist here, and any song(s) you like, I'll upload the FLAC.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKQUucNStjikaIuGKlto-q8Vy81aEi-Oq
Do I sound greedy if I reply "ALL OF IT!!!!!" :)

So, if you don't read music, can you play these compositions from memory, or do you record them as a one-shot deal extemporaneously? The gentleman I collaborate with (I write lyrics and he supplies music and the singing), also does not read music. He plays everything by ear, including covers. Totally beyond my understanding. LOL
 

starsofclay

Senior Member
Do I sound greedy if I reply "ALL OF IT!!!!!" :)

So, if you don't read music, can you play these compositions from memory, or do you record them as a one-shot deal extemporaneously? The gentleman I collaborate with (I write lyrics and he supplies music and the singing), also does not read music. He plays everything by ear, including covers. Totally beyond my understanding. LOL

Well these compositions are one time shots... I couldn't even attempt one again if I tried. Usually I can't even beleive I did it when listening back 😅 I do play by ear, but my piano skills are lacking so it just sounds very amateur when doing that. So far the only thing that sounds good when I play, is to make up stuff on the spot and just surrender to the notes. All that being said, many of my songs have cute melodies that I can reference by ear when making up a new song. This helps to give them a cohesive sound if I wanted to release a collection.

I plan to release a few more short stories on here with their music, and then after that I'll see songs are left to upload.
 
Last edited:

starsofclay

Senior Member
@vranger
I'm excited to announce that I'll be releasing a compilation EBOOK for MindVenture club, of all the stories we've made this year. This will include all of the stories I've shared here, and links to the youtube videos and soundcloud for FLAC for the ones with music. I will let you know when it is ready :)
 

Dr Hooss

Senior Member
I really love the multi media format of the youtube video with the story on the screen. So relaxing, almost soporific.
 
Top