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HI:) (1 Viewer)

I

IreneWriter

i love to write. always have. tell me what u think. heres an intro writing of mine...

You want to hear a story?
Well I will give you one.
I won’t say names of course, that would just make it obvious, and the last thing I need being a teenager in a small school (that if you ask me…takes WAY too much interest in other people’s business….UM MIND YOUR OWN!!) Anyway…

So I met this guy, I’m not saying how, because if I do, again that will give away my identity… Might I say that from day one of my friendship that over the course of three years developed into my not so much but kind of sort of but not really relationship with this guy (we’ll call him Z) has been the most complicated thing in the world. I mean come on, I’m a teenager, I should be worried about clothes or my geometry test coming up. But no, I have been head over heels in love with this boy from day one of our friendship, but could I let Z know that? No.
And do to the fact that I couldn’t tell him that I was in love with him, and I’m not going to lie I have many times claimed to love someone but I believe that I have passed that phase, otherwise this guy wouldn’t be bothering me so much, and I wouldn’t be waiting so persistently for him to call me right now (as I am typing this short story…or true story rather) But in order for you to understand my sadness/anger/frustration/confusion, I have to tell you how I got to this point.
Three years ago (almost three years anyway) I meet this guy, and the only reason I talk to him, is ok he looked like Chad Michael Murray (One Tree Hill, House of Wax, Cinderella story, Freaky Friday, for those of you who don’t know him by name…and those that don’t, well that’s just sad…) Anyway. So yeah. We start talking, and we become really good friends. He became that person for me, who didn’t know my past, and the stupid things I did. He didn’t witness me through my awkward years of my life while I tried (and failed miserably until now) to figure out who I was, who my friends were, so on so forth. We tell/told each other EVERYTHING. Like we actually manage to talk on the phone for minimum three hours, (but we’ve talked for 9 hours straight like twice) without any silences, from subject to subject, we just keep going on and on.
And as I slowly develop feelings for Z, I continue to keep it to myself, because I was dead scared that he would think I was some mushy teenager (which I was…but SHHH!) and stop talking to me.
Then a year goes by, and he gets a girlfriend…and this is the REAL beginning of the hate love triangle between the three of us. I say three because even though I bit my tongue and didn’t say how I felt, I was dragged, kicked and screaming into their relationship as “the other girl” which ok I kind of was. But hey…NOT my fault.
Z’s girlfriend cheated on him, and he was devastated, and being the good friend that I am (no I’m not being cocky, I’m really THAT good of a friend) I helped him, and in the end he ended up staying with her. Then she found out that he was still talking to me, and in the beginning she didn’t think much of it. But then somehow she found out that we’d been talking for a really long time, and then came up with the RETARDED presumption that we were seeing each other…which we weren’t.
Then as she became more and more suspicious of us going out behind her back (which due to some circumstances is IMPOSSIBLE) mine and Z’s friendship slowly receded, and we only talked to each other when she was visiting her family on the island where she’s from. And in those brief periods of time, which lasted anywhere between three days to a week, we spoke like we had before…excuse my French…the bitch entered the picture. Then she would come back and I didn’t exist to him anymore, at least not in reality, because he told me all the time how much he thought about me.
Then one day, when him and his girlfriend (as Ross from Friends would put it) were on a “break” we started talking again, for like hours upon hours on msn webcam (ok the reason it was IMPOSSIBLE for us to be seeing each other behind his girlfriend..we’ll call her V…behind V’s back is because he lives far away…like over 7 hrs) Anyway.
So we started talking and talking, and then one day he tells me how he has feelings for me, and how he always had, only now they were stronger, but he couldn’t really understand these feelings because…well anyway he couldn’t understand them. So I went and visited him, and we found out that what we felt for each other was REAL, and when I say real I mean oh my god, REAL. And then after I visited him, he came and visited me, and well yeah. It was the best week of my life.
When he left and went back to where he lives (lived) she found out, and called me. She accused me of being a whore that breaks up relationships, and that I could only possibly grow up to be a woman who breaks up happily married couples, and blah…blah…blah.
Then…
SIX EFFING MONTHS LATER!!
I hadn’t talked to Z for 6 months, not a word. I had grown to hate him, but no matter what I couldn’t ACTUALLY hate him. I could say it, but I couldn’t really feel it. Then he talks to me again, telling me what had happened.
She had gone ballistic, she went through his Facebook, MySpace, and Hotmail, and deleted anyone she thought was good looking or somewhat of a threat, she changed his passwords and made new ones so that she could monitor his conversations with people, and keep him on a leash…a very…very…short leash. When she wasn’t at the house, she took the modem so he couldn’t get on the internet. If he wanted to go out, a friend of hers had to be with. If she wanted to go out with her friends, he had to stay in the house. Ok, she is EFFING psycho….even psycho is an understatement.
Finally two months after we started (me and Z) talking again, they break up…done, over, finished.
But even after they broke up, she would call him, and he would drop what he was doing to answer her call, and when I asked him why, he would say after being in a relationship with the psycho for a year and a half, he still cared about her as a friend.
I let that one slide…
But after a week of him telling me “V did this” or “V did that” I got fed up.
I told him that he was a pushover, a really big one. And he ACTUALLY asked me….”How am I a pushover?”
So I told him, how could he still care about a girl who did all that to him? I mean, if I were to break up with a guy, ok I wouldn’t talk to him as easily and it might be awkward, but I would probably still help him out if he needed me. But if I broke up with a guy who did to me what V did to Z??? F*** that. I’m sorry. No. Just…no.
So I told him that I couldn’t do it anymore. My exact words were…”Look, I have been there for you, and I always will be. If you need me, you know you can call. But until you get your s*** in order and cut the leash she STILL has on you, then I have to take a step back. Because she won’t end it. You have to get your balls out of her purse and do it. So until then, I’m sorry but I’m done.” And he asked me why….the f***er actually had the nerve to ask me WHY!! So I said “because if your relationship was REALLY over, then you wouldn’t have to cut our call short whenever she calls you, and then let me know when I can call you back…so until you get your s*** in line, I’m done…” He said “I will, I promise.” Then I said “you better” and I hung up the phone.

So here I am…one week later, going batty. I love him, and he loves me (or so he says, and I believe him…you have to know the little details to understand why I believe him, because what I said probably makes him sound like a complete jerk, but he isn’t always THAT retarded) I don’t like not talking to him. Not talking to him makes me irritable. I go from being happy to being pissed in a matter of a second. It doesn’t take much to tick me off…which has been quite often this past week.
Now the point of this story? I am in an EFFING 3 way hate love relationship. I hate her, love him. She hates me and I think she still loves him. And him?? Well I don’t know what the hell goes on in that blonde head of his…yes he’s actually blonde.

Anyway. That’s my story, thanks for reading, hope I didn’t bore you to the brink of insanity. Whatever you do don’t get yourself in this situation. The moral of this story…If you like a guy, and he’s taken, wait until you are ABSOLUTELY 100% sure that he isn’t before you try anything…guys tend to think with their head, and not the one that’s on their shoulders…it’s just one of those little annoying quirks that we have to deal with all the time with men. But what can I do…when you’re in love…you’re in love…

And I AM in love.
 

Mistique

WF Veterans
First of all. Hallo and welcome to the forum :)

I found the story a bit anoying to read. I don't mean the contents of it, but the sentences were too long and at times too much was said in one sentence. It sounded to me like the way a teenager would talk rather than a proper story.

The story sounds complicated and upsetting to go through. Sorry for that. I hope it works out for you :) Just my curiosity but how old are you? and how old is he?
 

Gumby

Staff member
Co-Owner
Hi there, and welcome! Hope you stick around, there is a lot to be learned here. Very good advice given here too, just remember that it's not personal, it's only to help you improve your writing. Mistique already offered good advice on your sentence length. Read all the forums take all the tips offered, and then keep improving your skills.
 

Mark G

Senior Member
That was a fun read, filled with the type of drama that makes for a great teen novel. This site can probably help with tips on polishing it up to be a professional-looking short story. Judging by how much you wrote, you're very passionate about the subject, which really helps remove roadblocks to expressing your ideas. Other than run-on sentences, I saw 2 grammar errors, which is definitely not bad for shooting from the hip for a whole page.

You're probably not looking for relationship advice from us, but I feel compelled to add this: Anyone who puts you off to talk to someone else has just said without words "[This/he/she] is more important than you."

That's why my #1 pass time is doing stuff with my wife (even if I'm writing and she's reading a book, we're snuggled up on the sofa); because nothing in the world is more important than her.

She reminds of that.

Daily.

:)

Finding someone who 'cares about you more than anything' may not be what everyone wants; but it seems like it's a common thread in romance novels. The struggles to find that right person are great fuel for stories. You have a love interest and an antagonist; so if this story was the perfect romance, how would it end? If you were to convert the details, maybe make "V" a demon or something (just for fun), and write you as a demon-slayer...

Welcome to the site!
 
I

IreneWriter

im 17 and hes 21. heh. yeah it is a classic teenage drama:p but all is well now thank god. and i hope that they'll stay that way. thanks for the advice on the story, i will keep it in mind when i make my next post:)
 
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