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Hi I'm Ron. (1 Viewer)

3

<3

A sink is in the middle of an empty stage its back faces the audience. A large wooden frame is suspended above and just behind it.
A young kid, maybe 17 or 18, walks on stage and stands behind the sink (so that it blocks his lower body), he turns on the faucet and begins to wash his face. Then he puts the cloth down. He looks into the frame fixing his clothes and hair. Then he looks through the frame and begins to speak.


Ron:

Hi I’m Ron.
(Clears throat and speaks deeper)
Hello I’m Ron…
(Clears throat again speaks normally)
Hi, hi… Hiii?
(Clears throats again)
Hi, I’m Ron. Um... I know you don’t know me that well but, um yeah we have Art together. I’m the quiet one; I sit in the back. I helped you on something once. You know when you couldn’t reach the tape.

That’s all wrong…
(Paces back and forth)
Hi, you might not know me. I’m that artsy guy who sits in the back… of…Nah…
(Clears throat)

Anna, I think I love you, I always have, since the moment I first saw you. The way you paint what you can do with a brush or a pencil or even pastels. You amazing… Brilliant, beautiful; you have it all Anna you’re the kind of girl I’d bring home to my parents the kind of girl I’d want to grow old with… I, I just… Damn it! She’d think I was a stalker…

So… uh what’s life like over in Russia…? I mean what the weather like… over there…
God, I suck at this crap…

(Ron falls to one knee)
Will you marry me Anna?
(Ron stands up taking the roll of the fiancée to be putting on a girl voice with a Russian accent.)
Oh, of course I will!
(He goes back on his knee) Oh that’s so great honey; I knew you wouldn’t say no.
(Ron stands again his left hand holding an imaginary bride’s hand; he speaks in a low tone)
Will you take this man to be your wife… I mean husband.
(He sighs and rubs his temples)

(Angry)
Forget this… no one could love someone like me anyway… I’m a failure; a loser. Two Fs, one B… but that’s only in art. I can’t go to college because the one school I did apply to rejected me as soon as they got my transcript. “Smart but lazy.” That’s what they call me, but they’re wrong! I’m an Idiot who can’t get anything done a loser…
(Starts to laugh then suddenly stops)
Who can’t win…

But what else would you expect… from a kid whose mother just up and left. I mean if she didn’t love me… what makes me think anyone could…
I was three when it happened and I remember it all. She looked down at me then at the door… And then she was gone without even so much as a good bye to me or my father. I hate her for that. I hate her for hating me.
(Ron starts to pace)

My dad is just barely better. He won’t give me the light of day sends all of his time with that damn girl. Oh, I mean my step mom the perfect woman. To those two I’m like an animal; all I need is food and I’m fine.
(Walks faster)
If that’s all I needed…
(Slows…)
I’d be…
(Stops)
happy…

But you know what that’s what my art is for. That’s why I draw to prove I don’t need any of them. I just need my art to make me whole. I can create anything;
(does a gesture to show each thingy)
love, sorrow, pain, confusion, understanding… happiness, that’s the one exception though. I can fall in love with my art but it can’t… make me happy.

Lights fade

A little monologue I wrote... a whiles back. (yesterday) It needs some work hopefully you guys can help me out a bit.
 

zaoshang

Senior Member
Good job, &lt;3!

(God, can't you find a more unpronounceable name? Like x1`$$% or something :) And uh, as I'm not fluent in perl, I'll write this feedback in English.)

I think this is a very good beginning. You have a neat and clean style; you have an incipient conflict there (I, for one, was hooked); you have a pretty well outlined character.

One minor comment:

I can’t go to college because the one school I did apply to rejected me as soon as they got my transcript.

-this sounds a bit forced. I mean, he's just talking to himself, he doesn't need to inform himself about such specific facts from his biography. The rest of the monologue seemed pretty realistic, though.

In my opinion, you just need to keep up with the pace of the story and provide it with a good plot and a good dialogue.

Good luck!
 

Lilmissme

Member
hmm kinda confusing.... you need to get it to a point. I saw no point in this (not to be mean just saying) and Ron seemes a little bit stupid. Now has he met this girl before or is this like there very first time seeing each other. Other then that bravo. I really do wish to see more postings of this ^.^
 
Hi... I see this is an old post, but I thought I'd comment. I like the flow. The only thing that is distraction are some grammatical errors. Sometimes they're purposeful, sometimes they're distracting. You know?

But I have to say, I think the point is Ron's internal conflict. Maybe there isn't enough resolution.

Maybe Ron should decide to see a shrink; maybe he should start collecting lucky Chinese baby feet.
 
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