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Hey Man!!! That you lived hundred (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Hey Man!!! That you lived hundred

Hey Man!!!
Great that you are hundred.
Years as numbers are splendid.
But did you really live the life ?
That you never wanted it to be a strife.
Strife between conscience, and comfort.
To avoid moving even an inch away ,of the routine.
Strife between daring will, and timidly cautious one,
to make a shift, paradigm.

As a kid you never broke a toy.
Wanted it, to survive till eternity,
But did you really enjoy it playing?
When heart was not deriving fun,
Just self created absurdity.

When you were sixteen.
Toward you, yourself turned so mean.
Opted for Mathematics for the reason,
that Men should opt for it.
For Men are meant for calculations.
All those crunchy formulas,
you just crammed and crammed.
Door to rejoice teenage moments, you just slamned
Never looked at a girl, to not get distracted.
Shut all feelings, to not get attracted.
Just overwhelmingly top scored.
But hadn't you done enough to get bored.

For nonage,
treated that time,
just a bike with that worth mileage.
Never supported any idea.
So never participated in any procession.
And didn't let yourself move an inch away from the edge.
And used to say, that you didn't believe in aggression.
Married a girl of your parents' choice.
Didn't want to trust yourself.
Lived nupitial life like a ritual.
For a reason to thrust yourself,
whatever came in your way,
Accepted it, as to stay.
The way, you raised yourself.
Raised your children that way only
Used to feel,
that would be the way they wouldn't ever be lonely.

Didn't try to understand your grandchildren.
Didn't try to understand their cries and smiles.
Didn't care to enjoy and have fun with them.
Just tried, making them sheep more docile.

To have breaths till hundred
killed your inner voice
A thousand times
Congrats, to call it a life
But haven't won, even worth a dime

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal
 
Last edited:

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
wow- one intense poem- The anger, resentment and yes even a bit of love is palatable- one grand narrative rant...

warmest
bob

Initially I was not aware about the technicalities of this forum, so couldn't respond here.
Thanks a lot for the read Sir.
Highly appreciate your words.

Ritu
 
Last edited:

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Hey Man!!! That you lived hundred

Hey Man!!!
Great!!! That you are hundred,
Years as numbers are splendid,
But did you!!! really live the life ?
That you never wanted it to be a strife !!!
Strife between conscience, and comfort ,
To avoid moving even an inch away ,of the routine
Strife between daring will, and timidly cautious one,
To make a shift, paradigm!!!

As a kid you never broke a toy,
Wanted it, to survive till eternity,
But did you really enjoy it playing?
When heart was not deriving fun,
Just self created absurdity

When you were sixteen,
Toward you, yourself turned so mean
Opted for Mathematics for the reason
That Men should opt for it,
For Men are meant for calculations
All those crunchy formulas
Just crammed and crammed
Door to rejoice teenage moments, just slamned
Never looked at a girl, to not get distracted
Shut all feelings, to not get attracted
Just overwhelmingly top scored
But hadn't you done enough to get bored

For nonage
Treated that time,
A bike with that worth mileage
Never supported any idea
So never participated in any procession
And didn't let yourself move an inch away from the edge
And used to say, that you didn't believe in aggression
Married a girl of your parents' choice
Didn't want to trust yourself
Lived nupitial life like a ritual
For a reason to thrust yourself
Whatever came in your way
Accepted it, as to stay
The way, you raised yourself
Raised your children that way only
Used to feel,
That would be the way they wouldn't ever be lonely

Didn't try to understand your grandchildren
Didn't try to understand their cries and smiles
Didn't care to enjoy and have fun with them
Just tried, making them sheep more docile

To have breaths till hundred
killed your inner voice
A thousand times
Congrats !!!!, to call it a life
But haven't won, even worth a dime

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal

Great work Ritu , keep it up [emoji4]
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
I really liked the message of this one. I completely agree with this outlook on life. If you haven't felt your heart racing, if you did not ever take chances, did you really live? Or were you just merely surviving?

The only critique I would have for this one is the exclamation points within the first stanza made it a little confusing and put an awkward pause in my head when I was reading.

Great job. Your mind is wonderful.

-Annie
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
I really liked the message of this one. I completely agree with this outlook on life. If you haven't felt your heart racing, if you did not ever take chances, did you really live? Or were you just merely surviving?

The only critique I would have for this one is the exclamation points within the first stanza made it a little confusing and put an awkward pause in my head when I was reading.

Great job. Your mind is wonderful.

-Annie

Thanks Annie. I will remove the exclaimation sign.
Highly appreciate your critique on my poem.
Good luck

Ritu
 
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