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Heartbeat (1 Viewer)

Jeff Degginger

Senior Member
Written while waiting on the dormitory basement floor waiting for a dryer to stop and playing a broken piano



Or



Heartbeat



Listen, can you hear that silence?
The sound of no one being around,
Except you,
And your heart beats.

Hear, where the elevator gears are whirring,
The dryers are the only growling,
Your stress kicks in,
And your heart beats.

The piano sounds too loudly,
It screeches broken strings,
Like a violin solo that sucks,
And your heart beats.

Where the only sounds are fleeting,
Where the college girls are screaming,
Where your silent feet keep slapping,
And your heart beats.

The beasts can lurk behind every corner,
And the little girls are playing hide and seek,
There’s a death of sound as you listen,
And your heart beats.

Stop, wait for the walls to scream,
Catch up with your thoughts as they run wild,
Expect the creepy cold fingers to tickle your brain,
And your heart stops.
Dead.
 

shadows

Senior Member
I like this but found it intriguing that you say hear the silence and then go on to list all the noise
 

Foxryder

Senior Member
The latent show of silence in the beginning took off to something intriguing at the end. The spooky outcomes works well, and it is something I can't deny.

I am amazed at how you worked this out during your waiting moment.
 

bookbender

Senior Member
I like the emotional intensity evoked by your words in that moment of time, Jeff. Almost disappointed at the end - I kind of expected to return to a heartbeat and nothing more - but the poem moves well. Thanks for sharing -
 

PrisonerOfPrey

Senior Member
I like how in the first stanza "and your heart beats" could be read as you are alive, your heart, it beats. OR you have I heart, it pumps; heartbeats. But after that i'm not sure which one you mean. Maybe switch the spelling to heartbeats after the first stanza? It will make the end fit better. Although I would have liked it to dwindle off to silence again.
 

Rakella

Member
i like how you wrote this while you was waiting for a dryer to stop! this is why i like to carry a notebook and pen with me everywhere, because it would be sad to not have some form of medium to be able to write something as good as this when inspiration strikes. Not that my work is anything good like yours. It just made me think how frustrating it would be to lose an idea if i was waiting without paper.

"Listen, can you hear that silence?"

Silence is golden, and your silence was obviously a goldmine :)

I'll look out for more of your work, yours is the first one i've read so far so thanks for the great introduction to the site :)
 
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