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he belived he was a rabbit: (1 Viewer)

dannyboy

WF Veterans
Sat in the middle of the playground
on haunches
his sandals full of marbles
lifted from games while thumbs and eyes
focused on the twirls of colour
in spherical glass stories

teachers told him
to stand as other children did
empty his pockets of food
he harboured – nibbled carrots
and celery reminded him of the dentures
singing in a watered glass
beside his grandfather’s bed.

He remembers the sound of the old man’s chest
an ocean that lifted and plunged
into words he barely understood
before it fell still, left behind a storm
that never broke and a smell
he was not able to wash away.

Sadness grew around him
in tufts of sweet grass ready for him to chew
while others played football or chasey
he hunched low, nibbled his bottom lip
with his two front teeth
rubbed imaginary twin ears
with hands clubbed
to resemble paws

waited
for his mother’s voice to call him
into boyhood again.

Every day at three thirty
he raced to her car
the sound of children’s voices filling him – tears
falling with an absence of sound
into the whirlpool of tomorrows.
 
Last edited:

midnightpoet

WF Veterans
To me, this speaks of the profound loneliness of childhood when you are "different" and possibly ridiculed for it. Good job, interesting imagery.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Really interesting piece, as mentioned already by Midnightpoet I get a sense of loneliness through this piece and I like the way in which the narrative depicts this sense of being different. I think it’s very telling that our idea of identity and self is being a more prominent as a topic in both literature and everyday life, I think this piece does well to articulate this.

If I had a criticism to make of this I would say structurally it feels a little uneven, but perhaps that is just me clutching at straws.

Anyway hope this helps.

Cheers

Syd
 
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