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"Hand-To-Hand" - Gangster movie - Rated R! (1 Viewer)

KevinTufo

Senior Member
Again, rated R! Just pointing that out because this is a Quentin Tarantino look-a-like! I'm hoping to be able to actually meet him one day and show him this script when it's down. And it'll be done when I think it's perfect!

Here it is: http://kat.tufo.nl/Hand-To-Hand Script.htm
Did I say rated R?

EDIT: I forgot to say that in the beginning things might be confusing, but as you read you will understand everything. The script is far from done, as you all will notice when you see the length of your scrollbar...

EDIT #2: I actually looked up all the names of the places and the street language! I am Dutch so making people talk Dutch is no problem. You might notice some extreme voilence in this script, but that's the kind of movies I like. Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill, all Quentin Tarantino's and all very good! It's not the voilence, it's the story that makes the voilence look incredibly hard, while there are more sick movies with WAAAY sicker stuff in it.
 

jimmycracker

Senior Member
Good things:
Good pace, dialogue flowed fairly well.

Bad things:
Too much exposition. The audience is watching the movie, not reading the script, thus you should find some more efficient/creative ways of explaining things.

A bunch of people got massacred on the street and not a single cop showed up. I don't buy it.

The two main characters kill innocent civilians. You don't give us any reason to care about them, instead we hate them. It's not that funny either. Joe Pesci in Goodfellas' was funny because he had such a flaring temper, and some other reasons I'm too uninsightful/lazy to go into. Plus he was Believable.

Even in Pulp Fiction we were drawn to the criminals Travolta and Jackson.

The part with the grenade was funny, but I didn't buy it.

It's not quite correct screenplay format. Read some others and you'll see what I mean.

Anyway, just take it easy. Put more detail and time into the screenplay, a little more originality. It's easy to say "if I add a bunch of violence and shock value it will be a perfect script", but it's never quite that easy. Add an interesting mix of characters and an original story and in time you may have a winner. =]
 

KevinTufo

Senior Member
Well, I was planning on making the first chapter without letting the viewer know what the hell is going on. THEN, in about 2 lines from what I have put online, A new chapter begins in the beginning. You will see who everybody is very detailed, and you will find out why Steve and Kevin are so scared for their boss.
 

Novicewriter

Senior Member
Don't feel bad about hardly anyone responding....I do my best to respond to just about everything, EVEN if it's something I don't like...I do it out of courtesy..... All I ask is to see if the thing works or not...not really looking for someone to tear it apart, after all i'm not quite ready to submit anything i've written...Then and ONLY then will I want someone to tear it apart and trash it.

NW
 

Scott Tuplin

Senior Member
think about adding some music friend. music that people will know, and would actually be able to hear it in their head as they read the scene, picturing everything thats going on in their minds eye.

quentin tarantino is a very talented writer/director/actor and is a very worthy man to look up to as an idol for your work. i know i have done in the past. think about the way tarantino uses music to put that extra kick in the scene, and emphasise(sp) on it, but don't over do it.

script writing is a very complicated skill, i'm sure you'll agree, and no one gets it right the first time so don't try to make it something everyone is going to love. remember, a classic is not made, it is grown.
 

KevinTufo

Senior Member
Well, I've seen a few scripts but never have I seen a script were they said what music was playing. I think that's up the the director while he is going threw the scene's of the movie after he has completey filmed it.
 

KevinTufo

Senior Member
yeah, but if the script actually gets made as a movie, the music will be too old, unless it's something you wanted to be old like music from the '70. But a song on the radio should be very new or at least 2 months old. Know what I'm saying?
 

Scott Tuplin

Senior Member
no no no! don't use music thats in the charts now, use classic music that everybodies heard. for instace. LA scene. highway. bmw rolls down the street. blacked out windows. chrome rims. music: Dr Dre, Still Dre... 2Pac, Ghetto Gospel... DMX, Where the Hood At. for another instance. funeral. sad atmosphere. everybody is crying. blackness all around the grave. music: Dido, Here With Me... Sarah McLachlan, I Will Remember You... Coldplay, Trouble. you know what i mean?
 

KevinTufo

Senior Member
Yeah, hmmm. But that last part is wrong. You shouldn't use that kind of music for funeral sort of stuff you just need classic music. I'd prefer a OST... But that's expensive...
 

Scott Tuplin

Senior Member
lol ok, bad example. but the point is, music works. take a quick look at my new script entry 'Disposable Teens' and check the music i put to that, and you'll see what i mean. it gives more feeling.
 
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