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Halloween poem: “Spook Show” (1 Viewer)

Nalkarj

Member
Note: I know this section is not the place for critiques… I just kind of wanted to share this little light-verse-y thing—something of a tribute to Phyllis McGinley—I wrote. I quite like it, but it keeps getting deleted from the poetry subreddits for reasons I don’t know—maybe because of the extensive rhyming? Anyway, your thoughts are, as always, appreciated.

Acres of night,
Dabs of light,
A duly crescent moon above,
Your date’s uneasy, unintended shove,
And a witch who pledges fright.

Past her, past October’s portal,
There are axmen and monsters to meet,
Surprises and scenes faux-aortal,
Things rushing under your feet,

(And — oops — a creature’s hairy glove),
A vampire’s sepulchral suite,
And the relish of a tricky treat.

So — Are you ready to go in?
Of course! with a cheeky grin.
For fifteen, twenty minutes — at most a half an hour —
You will willingly cower,
Fondly leap out of your skin,

And you and your date will scream,
Which is something to be thankful for.
This month traps the real in the seem,
Hides the ghosts behind the gore.

But now is not the season to be dour.
No! Bite the candied apple, and give the fright the floor,
To keep away the haunting from the haunted house’s door.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
hummmm... well... for me, this poem does a lot of "Telling" me that things are spooky... but sadly this poem does not "show" me anything remotely scary... work on your imagery...
4th stanza, you tell me that I will cower and leap out of my skin... but this poem is nothing to scream about ;)

First stanza, line 3... you write of a "crescent moon"... you neglected this fabulous opportunity... skeletal moon, blood-thirsty moon, savage moon, killing moon.... imagery sets the mood, tone vibe....adds depth and luster to your words.....anyway... find every opportunity to add imagery to help you create the vibe you are expressing...hope this helps...
 
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