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haiku (3-set) (1 Viewer)

R

Rkay

in leafy shadows
the rambling river flows
pebbles race in place





morning mist creeps wide
dew glides off on leafy fronds
sunrise meets the day





cheek to cheek they race
raindrops across window panes
clouds linger then part
 

Firebird

WF Veterans
I love this one. It's excellent.

cheek to cheek they race
raindrops across window panes
clouds linger then part

The other two don't really work for me.

Love,

Firebird
 

TheFuhrer02

WF Veterans
The third one is superb, but the other two, I simply don't get.

"Pebbles race in place"? I'm a bit put off with that one, sorry.
 

ThreadWhisperer

Senior Member
in leafy shadows
the rambling river flows
pebbles race in place


I actually liked this one and saw it as a reflection of humanity and the race to succeed. Pebbles race in place... I see that as the water rushing past them giving the pebbles the feeling that they are going somewhere in a hurry and yet they are staying in one place. I see the same kind of thing in so many people now days where they feel their lives are rushing to their future and yet they are not the ones moving it is life rushing past them instead of them moving through life.

I enjoyed the others as well but would have to agree with those above me about the second of the set, it just didn't seem to leave an imprint at all, but that may be because of the center line containing the oxymoron of "off on" it just broke the entire image for me. The last did of course present a solid and enjoyable image.

Thanks for sharing these! All the best,
TW
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
I enjoyed all three, How ever-The 2nd was my favorite! I have been on my horse-riding in the early morning-and was God smacked by the misty fields-dew sliding down the stems of the ferns--the sun rising-cutting the mist away. Thanks--Jul
 

stonefly

Senior Member
I liked all of these.

Talent here.

I do agree, however, that the "off on" grabs too much attention.

The quality of the rest begs that the author ponder the second line of the second haiku.

These haiku hold true to the theme of woodland, stream, sky, and rain.
 
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