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Guy Fawkes night (1 Viewer)

dannyboy

Friends of WF
Anticipation unravels the set mind
creates havoc with intention;
the child’s consciousness succumbs
to timeslips –
last year’s rockets
and Catherine wheels,
the feel of the tom thumbs and penny farthings
the heat from the fountain
the joy of name-writing sparklers
makes the gap a trap…

mother, father,
I cannot sit still and wait for the sun to set
mother, father,
can the heavens not be a blind
pulled down this evening
so I can swim once again
in the chaos and colour
the noise and smell
the howling, yelling, laughing night
of Guy Fawkes!
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Really digging the content of this one, the imagery is on point and you do really well to capture November 5th. That being said, I can’t help but wonder if the form is a little too traditional, perhaps you could further capture the motion of both the fireworks and the children by loosening the structure and allowing a little bit of chaos into the piece itself?

Hope this helps.

Cheers

Syd
 

mybleedingkeyboard

Senior Member
Hi!
First and foremost, I love that I had to Google who Guy Fawkes was and why he had a day/night named after him. ((I’m from the states)). Secondly, the imagery here is great. My favorite, though silly of me was the line “in the chaos and colour.” I just loved the alliteration of that line.
 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
thank you both for your thoughts and comments,

Syd all of these will get worked over (a fair few times) once the first block of this set of poems is complete, when I do I'll look at your suggestion for this poem,

Danny
 

apple

WF Veterans
You've created the cacophony of lights, sounds, and the dance of a child wild with impatience and expectation. The story was painted beautifully.
 
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