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GIVE ME REVIEWS (1 Viewer)

sarrrgun

Member
CHARACTER SKETCH
give me reviews


CHARACTER SKETCH

Protagonist​

Bethany “Beth” Specter​



Bethany “Beth” Specter is a 21 year old NYU business student. She has shoulder length blonde hair and eyes as blue as the ocean. When it comes to her looks; with high cheekbones, full lips and a sharp jawline; she’s considered to be very attractive. She has a triangle figure and a height of 5’2”. People have always judged her for her height, especially in the business field.

They look at her height and immediately dismiss her opinion. But she isn’t one to be messed with. She’s extremely resilient and once she gives her word, it’s next to impossible to make her back out of it. She’s kind hearted, but, has a tough exterior to break into. She guards her emotions like a treasure. The only emotion she can’t control is anger. She’s the kind of girl who cries when she’s extremely angry. Her past triggers her anger.

Beth is, what one would describe as, a mixture of an introverted and extroverted personality. She doesn’t like to socialize if it doesn’t have a purpose or if it isn’t with the people she knows and likes.

She would sacrifice everything for the people she loves. Yes, it’s tough to break into her hard exterior, but once you do, she’ll do anything for you.

So, when she’s drunk and being arrested for the murder of April Smiths, her best friend, she doesn’t understand how it all got so bad. She’s always in control, how did this thing get so out of control? That the one person she values the most, is now dead, and she’s being arrested for it.
 

Matchu

Senior Member
She sounds 'realistic.' Thick as a plank, barking mad and quite good, A...relatable, inspirational.

A -RELATABLE

'ARE YOU DISRESPECTING ME COZ I'M LITTLE!'

'No madam, a receipt with your shopping, would you like to retain your receipt?'

Bags in her fist, Bethany rolled shoulders.

She strode toward the doors of the supermarket. The doors parted in the terror, and away, an enormous Abrams T-34 SUV glinted under Califorbs-Regis sunshine.

'I love my family, love my family, love my family. Bizz, biizz, biznizz' She placed bags on the asphalt and reached inside for her Castrol Cola to lubricate microchips swollen during engagement of society insect.

A figure strode across the car park. 'Hiya Bethany!'

'By my sky blue eyes, April Smith, threat to community.'

Bethany unhitched her arm from the socket. Detached, the limb now held in April's grasp.

'Oh my goshness,' were her last words.

Bethany wished she could recall the explosion, Sat in the dock of court 13 she watched the jury foreman rise to his feet:

'G...g...g...' and 'grrrrr,' he said, 'Not guilty,' he confirmed.

That evening Bethany's microchips all celebrated the victory. A crate of Castrol Cola waiting on the lawn...
 
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Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
Great to hear about a business student as a character. That is something unique to write about. I'm always looking for great stories about professional women. But I don't hear anything about how smart she is. Is that a factor for the plot?
Bethany “Beth” Specter is a 21 year old NYU business student. She has shoulder length blonde hair and eyes as blue as the ocean. When it comes to her looks; with high cheekbones, full lips and a sharp jawline; she’s considered to be very attractive. She has a triangle figure and a height of 5’2”. People have always judged her for her height, especially in the business field.
5'2" doesn't seem that short. I worked in the business world as a CPA and I'm 5'5" which is not that much taller. I don't recall height being an issue. In fact, I've come across many successful women of all shapes and sizes. People judging you in the business world usually had more to do with how you dressed, what kind of car you drove, and what kind of watch you wore. But even then, that depended on the industry.
They look at her height and immediately dismiss her opinion.
I have never known this to be the case. Kamala Harris is 5'2".
But she isn’t one to be messed with. She’s extremely resilient and once she gives her word, it’s next to impossible to make her back out of it.
Not to be messed with is so trite, and what exactly does it mean? I don't understand the next sentence. What does being resilient have to do with holding your promise?
She’s kind hearted, but, has a tough exterior to break into. She guards her emotions like a treasure. The only emotion she can’t control is anger. She’s the kind of girl who cries when she’s extremely angry. Her past triggers her anger.
Do people cry when they're angry? Don't people yell when they're angry? Have blow-ups?
Beth is, what one would describe as, a mixture of an introverted and extroverted personality. She doesn’t like to socialize if it doesn’t have a purpose or if it isn’t with the people she knows and likes.
That sounds purely introverted to me. People who are extroverted love to socialize with anyone.
She would sacrifice everything for the people she loves. Yes, it’s tough to break into her hard exterior, but once you do, she’ll do anything for you.
So she's tough, kind, hold's her promise, is generous and loyal. She will be a very likable protagonist. Is there anything unique about her? Other than having a hard time not showing her anger, does she have any vulnerabilities? Or, unusual hobbies, or preferences? Something that makes her stand out.
So, when she’s drunk and being arrested for the murder of April Smiths, her best friend, she doesn’t understand how it all got so bad. She’s always in control, how did this thing get so out of control? That the one person she values the most, is now dead, and she’s being arrested for it.
Interesting plot. Did her anger play into this?
 
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BornForBurning

Senior Member
She sounds emotionally unstable, and in denial about her own desires and trauma. What is a triangle figure; I'm assuming you don't mean a woman whose figure approximates that of an equilateral. Struggling with a highly particular physical attribute can be interesting, but only if it is believable and deeply pregnant with emotional/symbolic meaning. I also find it difficult to imagine that a 'highly attractive', hot-headed and determined woman is going to be dismissed just because she is short. If you want to run with the shortness thing, you should try picking out some personality aspects that correlate (in a poetic sense) with shortness in such a way as to make her tragically dismiss-able. Maybe she is extremely naive, and thus appears childish, both in personality and in form. For whatever reason I am imagining those anime-girl type characters that clench their fists and scream "baka!" when they get upset. I like the dichotomy of strong, hidden emotion. Like, what has she got to be so tight-lipped about?
Do people cry when they're angry? Don't people yell when they're angry? Have blow-ups?
Some absolutely cry.
 
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JBF

Staff member
Global Moderator
give me reviews

...'kay.

Reviews generally require a story. What you have here is a character sketch. But if you're after feedback, I'll play.

Bethany “Beth” Specter​


The quotations imply a nickname, whereas a shortened version is considered a given name. So she'd likely be Beth Specter to her associates and Beth "Shorty/Sawed-Off/Half-Pint/Mini-Me" Specter when the quotations/nickname deal was in effect...assuming other characters are making a point of her height.

Bethany “Beth” Specter is a 21 year old NYU business student. She has shoulder length blonde hair and eyes as blue as the ocean. When it comes to her looks; with high cheekbones, full lips and a sharp jawline; she’s considered to be very attractive. She has a triangle figure and a height of 5’2”. People have always judged her for her height, especially in the business field.

The Atlantic or the Pacific? Critical details, these.

Who considers her to be attractive? This may seem like picking at nits, but attraction and appeal are highly subjective. To demonstrate, check out any list of the 100 Most Beautiful People of the last century...then the read comments. Appearance-wise, you won't really find a universal idea for either sex, so telling us a character is 'pretty' is roughly on par with saying they're 'funny' or 'smart'. Are we talking smart like they can troubleshoot the entire electrical system of a guided missile frigate, or are we talking about somebody who can get us to the moon with a slide rule and a bottle of orange juice?

I have no idea what 'triangle figure' means. Perhaps one of those postmodern impressionist girls we've all heard so much about.

They look at her height and immediately dismiss her opinion.

Why? Frankly, unless a woman is noticeably taller than her male associates or shorter than four feet (or thereabout) most men probably won't pay this any mind and most women won't care. About the only reason this comes into play in most environments is if it has some crucial bearing on the story or she has a nickname resulting.

But she isn’t one to be messed with.

This is the surest sign that people will mess with you. Humans can smell self-importance a mile off, and chances are anybody (male or female) who puts on the badass act is either going to have to buffalo their whole social circle or eventually earn the title. Until then, expect to be needled mercilessly.

If she can't either hold her own or roll with the jokes her life is gonna suck.

She’s extremely resilient and once she gives her word, it’s next to impossible to make her back out of it. She’s kind hearted, but, has a tough exterior to break into.

Iron-willed ice queen with a heart of gold? One of these things is not like the other. If both of these are true at the same time I'd usually mark it down as some flavor of bipolarity disorder...but that wouldn't hand-wave this clean because whichever half she was using at any given point would negate the other.

She guards her emotions like a treasure. The only emotion she can’t control is anger. She’s the kind of girl who cries when she’s extremely angry. Her past triggers her anger.

Aspie with CPTSD? My best guess so far.

Beth is, what one would describe as, a mixture of an introverted and extroverted personality. She doesn’t like to socialize if it doesn’t have a purpose or if it isn’t with the people she knows and likes.

Definitely an Aspie.

She would sacrifice everything for the people she loves. Yes, it’s tough to break into her hard exterior, but once you do, she’ll do anything for you.

Nah, bro. A lot of people like to think they would. Truth is, if our best buddy ran out of gas halfway across the state and we had to go pick them up we do it - and then we'd never let them forget what a dumbass they were that one time. We might let a couple of bucks slide on a restaurant bill now and again or help them move, but the dream of throwing yourself on a grenade to save your friends is more the level of juvenile fantasy.

On top of that...how does love work with a character of this sort? I have no doubt that it can and a great deal of doubt that it resembles anything like pop culture would have us believe.

So, when she’s drunk and being arrested for the murder of April Smiths, her best friend, she doesn’t understand how it all got so bad. She’s always in control, how did this thing get so out of control? That the one person she values the most, is now dead, and she’s being arrested for it.

You have an interesting thing going here. I'm just not sure it's what you think it is.

By the sound of it you see your character as a heroic sort, stoic, tough as nails but with a warm gooey center who's an expert in her field and, despite this, gets less respect than Rodney Dangerfield.

You see a masterful high-achiever struggling to get ahead.

I see a girl who's got a whole medical dictionary's worth of inferiority complexes who probably took college as the chance to party hearty and get away from her drab, dull little Midwestern hometown and be somebody and maybe prove those narrow-minded hicks all wrong. She's got a head for business that can sometimes offset the negative aspects of her personality, and the struggle to balance her social inabilities with her knack for problem solving keeps her tied up in knots. She believes she'd do anything for the people she considers friends, and maybe sometimes she does go the extra mile, but set against this is the inescapable knowledge that she's not one of the chosen. If five of the girls want to go out Saturday night but the car only has four seats...she's the optional friend (unless she's designated driver). She always takes the hardline logical course, neither caring nor understanding that the world is only partially logical and that ability and skill often take a backseat to social connections.

So when she's the fifth of four she stays in her half-vacant dorm room and stands in front of the closet mirror with her shoulders forced back and her stomach sucked in. She's not bad looking in a girl-next-door kind of way, though not the beauty queen she likes to imagine. Back home she could have been a big fish. Out here she's nothing. She drinks alone. Often.

In one particularly bad instance, she comes out of a blackout drunk to discover her best friend dead. They say she did it. She knows she didn't...but she can't remember. The other friends - the ones who ditched her for parties with better company - only stand in the shadows outside the club and whisper to each other, and as the officers put her handcuffed in the back of the cruiser she realizes (too late) that she's entirely on her own.

Or something like that.
 
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