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Frosted Spider's Thread (1 Viewer)

stony

Senior Member
The Winter’s glinting morning frost,
Embracing frigid spider's thread,
Those tiny icy prickles crossed,
On diamond-crusted bridges spread.

Oh, some appear as strands of milk,
Or softly spiraled fairy strings,
Still others are a feathered silk,
Perhaps to sew on angel's wings.

Appearing gilded in the sun,
A semblance from the butter glow
A length of wool which Midas spun,
From lands where gold is all they know.

Adherent to the grass and trees,
No longer instruments of death,
Now masterpieces born from freeze,
Conceived in nature's chilling breath.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Stony - I like your poem, how it starts off in the frost and evocatively describes the webs and threads through the parts of the day. The effect it has on their appearance and all the imaginative ways you did it. Its quite beautiful. I thought the natural progression, how each stanza has a tight theme that builds to the ending good and the ending is very good, atrworks not deathtraps born from natures breath (I paraphrase badly). Yeah I like it a lot. I though maybe in line seven, you could have 'others still' instead of the other way round, I don't know why, personal preference maybe. There are ways you could do things with it, but I think they'd change the identity of the poem too much and I think it works nicely how it is. I like it, cheers Stony PG
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Really like the imagery of this piece, I like how tightly this has been structured and the smoothness of the rhythm and flow, the rhyme works well because it creates a wilting gentle ebb to the piece, what’s so strong is that it’s not overt instead a very subtle rhyme.

I would say that I feel that the rhythm of the last stanza is jarred by the use of the word, “death,” it takes me out of the piece somewhat.

Cheers

Syd
 

stony

Senior Member
Thanks, PG! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Really the only reason I'm using 'Still others' instead of the reverse is because it keeps the meter. Though there may be a better way though. I'll take another look at it. You definitely found a line I struggled with. :lol: I appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts.
 

stony

Senior Member
Thank you, Syd! This is one I toiled over more than some of the others. I slipped the word death in there as a reminder of the spider web's purpose and to highlight the transformation from instrument of death to work of art. So I suppose I meant to add a little jar at the end. You're comments are very helpful. Thanks again!
 
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