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Fragrances (1 Viewer)

Serendipity

Senior Member
Fragrances call up memories
of times past,
when I was
a young woman.

They infuse me with
their ambiance
as it envelopes me
sweetly.

Scents imbue themselves
politely.
Trickling languorously
into my mind.
Deliciously,
decorously,
imbibing their essence.

Perfumed moments.
Long forgotten treasures
Heady remembrances
of first kisses
and innocent embraces.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
This poem speaks about the emotion and memories the scents evokes...but not the scent, I found that intriguing...it allows your reader to recall personal scents like... sun flowers, apples, cherry blossoms... what ever... but for me, this also makes this poem feel disconnected... I felt like you were telling me, rather than SHOWING me, maybe due to the lack of imagery...but still a nice poem...;)
 

Darkkin

WF Veterans
The idea works, but Fire is right when she says this is passive. It is all tell. no show or in this case scent. Olfactory input is one of the greatest triggers of memory. Exploit it. Illustrate with specifics.

e.g.

A bitter bit of April wind
tinted by the stoic crab apple
and the heady weight of lilac

June dense with humidity
the decay of marsh grass
and deep spiced geranium

all of these blooms
tucked between
musty pages
turned fragile with age
 

Undercover

Senior Member
I agree with the others in that it was telling and not showing. Fire shows good examples of that. Also really heavy on the adverbs. BUT I will say I enjoyed it.
 

Namyh

Senior Member
Serendipity - I most enjoyed your work. I was a soldier on the streets of a foreign country and a fragrance of "corn on the cob in butter" came out of nowhere, shockingly reminding me of Coney Island in New York City. I hadn't thought of or been there for decades. The memories of youth and home flooded back from three thousand miles away. Thanks S for the reminder. Namyh
 
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