Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

forgiveness (1 Viewer)

petergrimes

Senior Member
Powerful. Your poem tells a story in the minimum of words - like a sketch by a skilled artist, that draws together all the strands of pain in one or two flourishes of charcoal. Nicely done!
Hi Jen,

thanks you, you are too kind. The way you see others poems, describe and understand them is always fantastic. Thank you. I remember when I first started you always looked and saw, didn't assume, it really meant a lot to me. Thanks Jen, lovely to hear from you, all the best PG
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
Thanks PIP, greatly appreciated, I hadn't posted anything on the boards for a long time but I had a message from a really kind and friendly lady, that made me think to try and I'm really glad I did. Thanks PIP, cheers, all the best PG

It's always good to see you around this place, PG. I'm glad you hearkened to that guiding angel ;) Make sure you stick around this time - your poetry is a real asset to the forum and always a good read. Cheers, my friend.
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
forgiveness

I stitched together
our final words
tried to suture
wounds that were too deep
all the things we left unsaid
burst up into my mouth
wet and red
sharp and hot
they choked me
where I stood
Hi PG
Really !! in very few words you expressed the suffocation the moments behold with that choking inside.
Didn't feel it like a poem but a thing happening like that...
Forgiveness here is like, seeking in something beyond you...

Ritu
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
PeterG - Brings back lost moments of long, long ago. We poets come with our own set of keys which just may unlock a heart in jail. Nice work indeed Peter. Namyh
Hi Namyh,

thank you, that means a lot coming from you. I remember when I first started writing poetry I saw your poem (forgive me) I think it was called 'the giggle', the one about the ball game in the garden. It blew me away. I think it was around the time I'd just written some things that took me by surprise and your poem along with a few others, convinced me that there was something unexpectedly interesting in pursuing/taking poetry more seriously. I remember I went back and read your poem many times. I really like the way you created the atmosphere at the beginning and then the completely unexpected but wonderfully done change in direction, it was magical. Good to see you here, hope you are well, thank you, all the best, cheers Namyh, PG
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi PG
Really !! in very few words you expressed the suffocation the moments behold with that choking inside.
Didn't feel it like a poem but a thing happening like that...
Forgiveness here is like, seeking in something beyond you...

Ritu
Thanks Ritu,

I like the way you experience my poem. I hadn't thought of it quite that way when I wrote it, so that's a gift to me, you gaining something extra from it like that. Really unexpected in a good way. Cheers mate, all the best PG
 

Brian Roberts

Senior Member
forgiveness

I stitched together
our final words
tried to suture
wounds that were too deep
all the things we left unsaid
burst up into my mouth
wet and red
sharp and hot
they choked me
where I stood
I like your minimalist approach here and lines 1-4 are powerful, with the threading of "stitched" and "sutured" resounding well.
 

RHPeat

Met3 Group Leader
Staff member
Senior Mentor
forgiveness

I stitched together
our final words
tried to suture
wounds that were too deep
all the things we left unsaid
burst up into my mouth
wet and red — these two lines of antithesis — where you are wet in the physical state against the color red as part of vision: against the following line below:
sharp and hot — with the perfect point or bladed edge that we are forced to walk along within the heat of the moment. is truly spectacular.
they choked me
where I stood
Peter

This is a great conceit. I really like it. The use of antithesis here is fantastic; what a way to turn the poem. A smash hit —slam-bam. I can't say that the title is too poetic however. Some thoughts to run through before calling it quits: "Remission, The Pardon, Mercy, Reprieve, Amnesty, The Shrift, Cleanser, Purging, or a few million other choices other than the old hat obvious. Try looking up forgiveness poems on the internet and watch the swarm of bees gather around the hive. I got 10 pages. There might be more regarding specific types.


part of my comment is inside your quote.

A poet friend
RHPeat
 
Last edited:

petergrimes

Senior Member
Peter

This is a great conceit. I really like it. The use of antithesis here is fantastic; what a way to turn the poem. A smash hit —slam-bam. I can't say that the title is too poetic however. Some thoughts to run through before calling it quits: "Remission, The Pardon, Mercy, Reprieve, Amnesty, The Shrift, Cleanser, Purging, or a few million other choices other than the old hat obvious. Try looking up forgiveness poems on the internet and watch the swarm of bees gather around the hive. I got 10 pages. There might be more regarding specific types.


part of my comment is inside your quote.

A poet friend
RHPeat
Hi Ron,

wow, thank you, your comments are gratefully received. What you say about antithesis is very helpful to me, I hadn't realised that part of the poem worked quite in that fashion, was so powerful in that regard, so that's very helpful to me, for I'll be able to think on it and try to use similar in future poems. Cheers I'll have a think about the title and see what I think, I don't believe I spent much time considering it, I'm certainly open to changing it, I'll have to think about it. Cheers for your comments and insight. Much appreciated, all the best PG
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
What a strong and lovely poem. You’ve made my day.
Hi Robbie,

thank you for your words, it makes me smile to hear you say I have made your day. That's really very wonderful. I told a friend I'd write some poems to put on the boards. I thought this was okay, nothing special. So I've been really really surprised by the reaction it's received. Very surprised, but in a good way. It just goes to show that I'm still rubbish at understanding what my better poems are. It's been a very welcome surprise though. Cheers Robbie, all the best mate PG
 

RHPeat

Met3 Group Leader
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Hi Ron,

wow, thank you, your comments are gratefully received. What you say about antithesis is very helpful to me, I hadn't realised that part of the poem worked quite in that fashion, was so powerful in that regard, so that's very helpful to me, for I'll be able to think on it and try to use similar in future poems. Cheers I'll have a think about the title and see what I think, I don't believe I spent much time considering it, I'm certainly open to changing it, I'll have to think about it. Cheers for your comments and insight. Much appreciated, all the best PG
Peter

It is a very strong poem. And even if you keep that title you bring a lot of strong concerns into the overall presentation of poems on forgiveness with your antithesis. But just like the "Rose Poem" everyone has one. Frost even wrote a lighthearted Rose Poem.

So, if you take an old hat subject — you have to think about what you're going to bring to that subject that will create a new outlook on the subject. That's my bigger point for someone in a workshop. The title is part of the opening of the poem, and it has to draw the reader into the poem. So "forgiveness" might hurt the poem in that way as far as drawing the reader into reading. Especially someone that's been through the maze of publishing to some extent, saying the same thing I said. "Oh, just another forgiveness poem"! Then their not reading the poem at all. In a workshop setting it's going to be read, because that's what we do here. And anyone here would say it's a strong poem; that's how good it is to me. But will it be read by a publisher when he has 10 other forgiveness poems on his desk already. That's a very important point to be concerned about when sending it out for publication.

I say: Be the writer and think ahead of the reader. Maintain their focus where you want it to be when reading the poem. Drag them in and let the antithesis do it's magical thing. Very powerful stuff as important focused imagery. The images hold strong dichotomy in both lines. They also work as a parallel in reinforcement. It's a fantastic device to be aware of for reinforcing any poems intent. Especially if you what to suggest middle-ground within the concept you're using.

a poet friend
RH Peat
 
Last edited:
Top