Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

Forget Me Not (1 Viewer)

TuesdayEve

Friends of WF
‘Forget Me Not’

On a rural dirt road, pocked by empty dreams,
Hope’s well dry and cracked,
brew savage demons loyal to pain,
black caldron hearts attack.

A pale skinned boy, white as Nubian milk,
eyes sapphire blue,
unprotected, he’s destined sacrifice,
to predators black voodoo.

Camouflaged behind gilded smiles,
the machetes swift surprise,
hacks the witches treasure,
merciless as pedophile eyes.

A young boys arm sliced in the name of profit,
provisions of magical spells,
political gain, greed and seduction,
soaked with his bones of gold.

The Beast glorifies the catch of the day,
tongue wagging he roars out his claim,
and vanishes through a veil of dust,
serves his masters fall from grace.

Quaking screams buried under the sun,
blood tears river the road,
The evil lie cursed by the echoing moans
of a child left to die.
 
Last edited:

TheMightyAz

Mentor
I love this. I'm not sure why you gave up on the rhyming though. It just jolted me slightly, as if I was suddenly reading another poem.

‘Forget Me Not’

On a rural dirt road, pocked by empty dreams,
Hope’s well dry and cracked,
brew savage demons loyal to pain,
black caldron hearts attack.

A pale skinned boy, white as Nubian milk,
eyes sapphire blue,
unprotected, he’s destined sacrifice,
to predators black voodoo.

Camouflaged behind gilded smiles, <- I'd say 'camouflaged' and 'gilded' are kind of a tautology so one of them is redundant. I'd keep Camouflaged myself and find an alternative for 'gilded' to add more flavour to the line.
the machetes swift surprise,
hacks the witches treasure,
merciless as pedophile eyes. <- I've got to be honest. I don't like this line. Is seems a cheap way of expressing 'merciless'.

A young boys arm sliced in the name of profit,
provisions of magical spells,
political gain, greed and seduction,
soaked with his bones of gold.

The Beast glorifies the catch of the day,
tongue wagging he roars out his claim,
and vanishes through a veil of dust,
serves his masters fall from grace.

Quaking screams buried under the sun,
blood tears river the road,
The evil lie cursed, by the echoing moans
of a child left to die.
 
Top