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FMC cutting her hair (1 Viewer)

indianroads

Staff member
Board Moderator
FMC needs to escape a city, she worked in the government that oppressed and executed people that stepped out of line. Now everything is falling apart, so she's disguising herself.

She stripped a dead woman and took her common clothing (FMC is a clothes horse) and now she's in her bathroom hacking away at her long blonde hair (no time for a color job). Before this, she took pride in her appearance and used it to her advantage.

What is she feeling as she crudely hacks it off?
 

Taylor

Friends of WF
Ok, this one evokes strong feelings for me. I had an experience with a classmate in highschool who had the most gorgeous long hair in the school. One day, she showed up with it all cut very short. I knew something was wrong, -- I asked her about it. It took her a long time to share, but eventually, she said she was trying to escape someone, and that's exactly what she did...I don't want to get into the details.

I just remember her apparent loss of any desire to be attractive at all. At that moment, when she cut it, she didn't feel any remorse or doubt...just fear. There is a time when self-preservation usurps vanity.


 

indianroads

Staff member
Board Moderator
Ok, this one evokes strong feelings for me. I had an experience with a classmate in highschool who had the most gorgeous long hair in the school. One day, she showed up with it all cut very short. I knew something was wrong, -- I asked her about it. It took her a long time to share, but eventually, she said she was trying to escape someone, and that's exactly what she did...I don't want to get into the details.

I just remember her apparent loss of any desire to be attractive at all. At that moment, when she cut it, she didn't feel any remorse or doubt...just fear. There is a time when self-preservation usurps vanity.

Thanks!
FMC is in a panic. The power has failed and the entire city is paralyzed. She works for the government and ah been a terrible person, responsible for the deaths of many citizens. If she's recognized people will tear her apart. If you don't mind, I'll stick a few paragraphs in - first draft so it's rough - so you can get the mood and tell me if I'm close.

The sleeves of her white silk shirt and her dress were bloody, which would help her blend in, but the fabric they were made from was something exclusive of the elite; she needed to find something else to wear. She hurried to her closet and sorted through her clothes, but found nothing common among them. A scream of frustration nearly tore through her throat, but then she remembered Vera. They were almost the same size, what had the traitorous whore been wearing?

Her assistant’s body was lying behind the sofa. Her throat had been slashed, but her dark blue top did a fairly good job of hiding the gore. She stripped the woman of her blouse and denim pants, then ran to the bathroom. Behind the closed door, she set her flashlight so it shone up at the ceiling, then took a pair of crude scissors and brutally attacked her hair. She was fond of her long blonde locks, but there wasn’t time to get emotional about their loss. By the time she was done, it was an unorganized, uneven mess that hung lopsidedly just below her ears.

After quickly dressing in Vera’s clothing, he hurried into her closet to find practical footwear. In a frenzy, she swept her beautiful pumps off the shoe-shelves, searching for something comfortable to wear. Finally, she came across an old familiar pair of lace-up boots she had worn when she first came to Vegas City and slipped them on.

She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. Despite the trials of the evening, her face was too made-up and clean. First, she washed her makeup off, then wiped mascara on her palms and wiped her face. The result was an uneven dirty complexion that completed her transformation. She sighed, as she gazed into the mirror, it wasn’t a perfect disguise but it would have to do.

As an aside - I'm working with a woman at the martial art school where I train; she'd developing an app and a whole organization to help the survivors of domestic abuse. (She endured this in her first marriage.) I'm helping her with the self defense aspect, and also making suggestions about establishing a network of other DV survivors, a how to prepare to bug-out if things are going badly.

This is a very serious problem, and am happy to help her.
 

Taylor

Friends of WF
Thanks!
FMC is in a panic. The power has failed and the entire city is paralyzed. She works for the government and ah been a terrible person, responsible for the deaths of many citizens. If she's recognized people will tear her apart. If you don't mind, I'll stick a few paragraphs in - first draft so it's rough - so you can get the mood and tell me if I'm close.

As an aside - I'm working with a woman at the martial art school where I train; she'd developing an app and a whole organization to help the survivors of domestic abuse. (She endured this in her first marriage.) I'm helping her with the self defense aspect, and also making suggestions about establishing a network of other DV survivors, a how to prepare to bug-out if things are going badly.

This is a very serious problem, and am happy to help her.

Glad you are helping your friend. This is such a serious issue, it needs all the help it can get.

As mentioned, in this circumstance, there would be no and I mean NO thoughts of vanity. Here are my comments:

The sleeves of her white silk shirt and her dress were bloody, which would help her blend in, but the fabric they were made from was something exclusive of the elite; she needed to find something else to wear. She hurried to her closet and sorted through her clothes, but found nothing common among them. A scream of frustration nearly tore through her throat, but then she remembered Vera. (Excellent!) They were almost the same size, what had she the traitorous whore been wearing? (She is likely not in a judgemental mood either)

Her assistant’s body was lying behind the sofa. Her throat had been slashed, but her dark blue top did a fairly good job of hiding the gore. She stripped the woman of her blouse and denim pants, then ran to the bathroom. Behind the closed door, she set her flashlight so it shone up at the ceiling, then took a pair of crude scissors and brutally attacked her hair. She was fond of her long blonde locks, but there wasn’t time to get emotional about their loss.(Question this also. It probably never crossed her mind at this point. Try, 'She watched her long blonde locks fall to the ground, dispassionately, as if shedding a dangerous attraction') By the time she was done, it was an unorganized, uneven mess that hung lopsidedly just below her ears. (Consider adding: 'She tousled the ragged bangs over her eyes and moved onto her next mode of disguise.')

After quickly dressing in Vera’s clothing, she hurried into her closet to find practical footwear. In a frenzy, she swept her beautifulmultitude of pumps off the shoe-shelves, searching for something comfortable to wear. Finally, she came across an old familiar pair of lace-up boots she had worn when she first came to Vegas City and slipped them on.She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. Despite the trials of the evening, her face was too made-up and clean. First, she washed her makeup off, then wiped mascara on her palms and wiped her face. The result was an uneven dirty complexion that completed her transformation. She sighed, as she gazed into the mirror, it wasn’t a perfect disguise but it would have to do. (Anything like "familiar" or "beautiful" would be old emotions that would have left her consciousness in this state of terror.)

 

indianroads

Staff member
Board Moderator
Glad you are helping your friend. This is such a serious issue, it needs all the help it can get.

As mentioned, in this circumstance, there would be no and I mean NO thoughts of vanity. Here are my comments:

The sleeves of her white silk shirt and her dress were bloody, which would help her blend in, but the fabric they were made from was something exclusive of the elite; she needed to find something else to wear. She hurried to her closet and sorted through her clothes, but found nothing common among them. A scream of frustration nearly tore through her throat, but then she remembered Vera. (Excellent!) They were almost the same size, what had she the traitorous whore been wearing? (She is likely not in a judgemental mood either)

Her assistant’s body was lying behind the sofa. Her throat had been slashed, but her dark blue top did a fairly good job of hiding the gore. She stripped the woman of her blouse and denim pants, then ran to the bathroom. Behind the closed door, she set her flashlight so it shone up at the ceiling, then took a pair of crude scissors and brutally attacked her hair. She was fond of her long blonde locks, but there wasn’t time to get emotional about their loss.(Question this also. It probably never crossed her mind at this point. Try, 'She watched her long blonde locks fall to the ground, dispassionately, as if shedding a dangerous attraction') By the time she was done, it was an unorganized, uneven mess that hung lopsidedly just below her ears. (Consider adding: 'She tousled the ragged bangs over her eyes and moved onto her next mode of disguise.')

After quickly dressing in Vera’s clothing, she hurried into her closet to find practical footwear. In a frenzy, she swept her beautifulmultitude of pumps off the shoe-shelves, searching for something comfortable to wear. Finally, she came across an old familiar pair of lace-up boots she had worn when she first came to Vegas City and slipped them on.She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. Despite the trials of the evening, her face was too made-up and clean. First, she washed her makeup off, then wiped mascara on her palms and wiped her face. The result was an uneven dirty complexion that completed her transformation. She sighed, as she gazed into the mirror, it wasn’t a perfect disguise but it would have to do. (Anything like "familiar" or "beautiful" would be old emotions that would have left her consciousness in this state of terror.)


Thanks very much for your thoughtful response. Her assistant had betrayed and tried to kill her earlier in the evening, that’s where that comment came from, but I’ll reevaluate during edits.

Again, thanks.
 

Foxee

Patron
Patron
I see you mention that FMC is a clothes horse in the question but in the excerpt she's not really reacting to stripping her would-be killer. To me that's the important bit.

Looks like this woman cares about her appearance but she also has a rock solid pragmatism about getting to her objective. I would think that in the scene she's in go-mode and I doubt she would give the sacrifice of her hair a moment's consideration until after she's well out of this scene and probably into one where she misses her old life or her clothes or can grieve a bit over her hair.

But mostly I see pragmatism in her.
 

indianroads

Staff member
Board Moderator
I see you mention that FMC is a clothes horse in the question but in the excerpt she's not really reacting to stripping her would-be killer. To me that's the important bit.

Looks like this woman cares about her appearance but she also has a rock solid pragmatism about getting to her objective. I would think that in the scene she's in go-mode and I doubt she would give the sacrifice of her hair a moment's consideration until after she's well out of this scene and probably into one where she misses her old life or her clothes or can grieve a bit over her hair.

But mostly I see pragmatism in her.

good point! Thank you!
 

MistWolf

Senior Member
I can't see stripping a body of its bloody clothing and putting them on. Bloody clothes are difficult to remove and put on. Ain't no way your girl's gonna do that.

What's going on that being bloody helps you blend in? Even in the fiercest battle or violent riot, blood attracts three attention of those trying to help or looking for their next victim.

The character has practical shoes, but no practical clothing? No sweat pants or tee shirts to lounge around in on a Saturday morning? No gym clothes? No jacket stolen from her boyfriend?

I imagine what she's feeling is fear, desperation and panic.
 

Foxee

Patron
Patron
I can't see stripping a body of its bloody clothing and putting them on. Bloody clothes are difficult to remove and put on. Ain't no way your girl's gonna do that.

What's going on that being bloody helps you blend in? Even in the fiercest battle or violent riot, blood attracts three attention of those trying to help or looking for their next victim.

The character has practical shoes, but no practical clothing? No sweat pants or tee shirts to lounge around in on a Saturday morning? No gym clothes? No jacket stolen from her boyfriend?

I imagine what she's feeling is fear, desperation and panic.
Emotions are weird, though. There are people who might have these feelings inside but they aren't always in touch with them when they need to survive.

The bloody clothes is something to be careful about, I agree.
 
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Backstroke_Italics

Senior Member
Whenever I do something experimental with my hair, there is always that moment after the first cut when it hits me that there's no going back now. If I did it wrong I'll just have to try and even it out later. Your MC probably isn't thinking in detail about how amateurish her hack-job is. But if you really do want to show that what she's doing to her hair is a big departure from her usual behavior, you could have a moment where she sees the first cut in the mirror, and gets all meta. She's really doing this. What else from her old life will she have to toss aside before she's through? That sort of thing.
 

indianroads

Staff member
Board Moderator
Whenever I do something experimental with my hair, there is always that moment after the first cut when it hits me that there's no going back now. If I did it wrong I'll just have to try and even it out later. Your MC probably isn't thinking in detail about how amateurish her hack-job is. But if you really do want to show that what she's doing to her hair is a big departure from her usual behavior, you could have a moment where she sees the first cut in the mirror, and gets all meta. She's really doing this. What else from her old life will she have to toss aside before she's through? That sort of thing.

Great input - Thanks!
 

Kensa

Senior Member
Cutting her hair herself, she may stand out because a bad cut is unforgiving on short hair (unless she has curly hair). In her shoes, surviving would be my only goal, and I'd care more about an effective cut than 'cut or not cut'.

I had very long hair when I was young and decided to cut it short (my hairdresser was more upset than I was), I remember my head seemed lighter and freer (long hair is heavier than you think), but I was cold in the neck for a few weeks.

I'm not sure about the mascara. It's very thick and very black, and doesn't blend (it's waterproof). She'd probably have a better result with dark eyeshadow powders, or a mix of foundation and powders to make it last longer.
 

indianroads

Staff member
Board Moderator
Cutting her hair herself, she may stand out because a bad cut is unforgiving on short hair (unless she has curly hair). In her shoes, surviving would be my only goal, and I'd care more about an effective cut than 'cut or not cut'.

I had very long hair when I was young and decided to cut it short (my hairdresser was more upset than I was), I remember my head seemed lighter and freer (long hair is heavier than you think), but I was cold in the neck for a few weeks.

I'm not sure about the mascara. It's very thick and very black, and doesn't blend (it's waterproof). She'd probably have a better result with dark eyeshadow powders, or a mix of foundation and powders to make it last longer.

Good point about the mascara - I wondered about that. I take it that eye-shadow powders come in different shades... she's blonde, what colors would she have?
 

Taylor

Friends of WF
I'm not sure about the mascara. It's very thick and very black, and doesn't blend (it's waterproof). She'd probably have a better result with dark eyeshadow powders, or a mix of foundation and powders to make it last longer.

Oh yeah...good point! I would think "smokey grey" eye shadow would work.
 

JBF

Senior Member
I have a similar situation with one of mine. The character isn't a major player in the story where she appears, but she was intriguing enough for her thirty seconds of print time that she wound up with a one-off story of her own. Eventually, the plot shook out where it made more sense to bring her into the main storyline at a later point than putting together a new character out of whole cloth, and she turned out as an essential component of the story. Go figure.

(edited a bunch of stuff here to prevent a thread hijack)

In her case, she starts off in a safe place. Circumstances soon enough have her alone and forced to run. At any given time there are maybe two people can trust. Everybody else is suspect if not outright hostile.

Long story short, she winds up having to adapt on the fly. Most of the time she's in varying degrees of shock (the displacing incident was pretty brutal). To her credit, she rolls with it about as well as can be expected.

A couple of things that work to this end:

She's around sixteen, thin, and not what would be considered especially girly. One of the first things to go is clothes - a shapeless jacket, a pair of pants, and work shoes...the kind of garb that doesn't stand out in the rural setting where the story begins. Later, when the friendlies have her in a temporary safehouse, one cuts her hair. Being semi-curly, this doesn't draw the kind of attention straight hair might. They don't have time (or skill) to do anything with color, but since most of the people they encounter will be darkheaded this is a lesser concern.

Early on, another rubs her arms from fingertrip to elbow with a mixture of axle grease and dirt. She's the middle-class daughter of a federal judge, so anbody looking won't pay much mind to somebody with dirty fingernails. Wearing cut-down gloves conceals the fact that she has small hands, thin fingers, and a lack of calluses or scars.

The boots she's given aren't her usual. They're heavy, ankle-high, with heavy soles, and after walking a quarter of a mile in thick mud, change how she moves.

She wears little enough makeup in normal times and doesn't wear any for the duration. At some point she picks up a pair of large-framed sunglasses and paints a greasy shadow above her lip for a mustache.

The result of all this is that the people hunting her are looking for a slight girl with light makeup, last seen wearing a school uniform. If they ever actually get eyes on her, they see a skinny field-hand type with a couple of days' stubble, mud to the knees, and aviator shades under a trucker cap... who incidentally looks like he a needs a haircut. She also doesn't smell like a girl - she smells like an auto mechanic, and she walks like somebody who just wants to get home to dinner.

As to what she feels during all this, that's mostly the feral senses to survive. The time to cry comes later, as do any attempts to piece her four-day ordeal into something that makes sense. Same for any thoughts towards revenge. Above that...what she most feels is tired.

Towards the conclusion, having been delivered to a safe place with armed security on the walls, she walks into a bathroom and stares for a few minutes at the stranger in the mirror. Only then does the enormity of the past week start to come into focus. Incidentally, this is point that establishes who she's going to become when we see her a few years later.
 

Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
I like the field boots, JBF, I remember reading an account of someone putting something in one shoe to alter his gait, they said it was important if the person doing the tail is experienced .
 

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