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Fly (1 Viewer)

Dylan di Vilde

Senior Member
So there am I,
a blameless guy,
when this tiny fly
flies in my eye!
****! sez I,
you effing fly.

It’s drowning in my runny eye
so with a mirror nearby
I wipe and swipe and poke and pry.
It proves elusive, dead or shy.
Listen, effing fly, growls I, –
I’m like that Liam Neeson guy,
you’re gutsy, that I can’t deny,
but if you mess with such as I,
I’ll hunt you down and you will die.

Frustrations start to multiply,
I’m crankier than Captain Bligh,
I’ll get you effing fly, I cry,
very loudly asking why
it had to pick my effing eye
in which to go and effing die.


Twenty minutes on I sigh,
peering at the lifeless fly,
extricated, high and dry.
I killed it with a single eye.

My fingertip held briefly nigh,
I flick the tiny corpse goodbye
 

Smith

The Fox
Senior Member
I thought this had a nice sense of rhythm and flow.

Your rhyme scheme gave it a comedic effect for me. Fun concept, albeit it made me cringe a few times because I *hate* when I get something in my eye! Well done.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
So there am I,
a blameless guy,
when this tiny fly
flies in my eye!
****! sez I,
you effing fly.

It’s drowning in my runny eye
so with a mirror nearby
I wipe and swipe and poke and pry.
It proves elusive, dead or shy.
Listen, effing fly, growls I, –
I’m like that Liam Neeson guy,
you’re gutsy, that I can’t deny,
but if you mess with such as I,
I’ll hunt you down and you will die.

Frustrations start to multiply,
I’m crankier than Captain Bligh,
I’ll get you effing fly, I cry,
very loudly asking why
it had to pick my effing eye
in which to go and effing die.


Twenty minutes on I sigh,
peering at the lifeless fly,
extricated, high and dry.
I killed it with a single eye.

My fingertip held briefly nigh,
I flick the tiny corpse goodbye


I love EVERYTHING about this witty poem, you used the PERFECT rhyme scheme and poetic voice to give this a fabulous vibe... Dr. Seuss would be jealous .... I still am a fan of his kid's books, my fave.."Sam I Am"... ;) First stanza set the tone and mood and you carried it all the way through, you did not miss a beat, hopefully you will grant us another poetic treat.... Sounds like you had fun writing this.... Thanks for sharing...
 
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