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Firemajic's NaPoWriMo 2021--"The good, the bad and the ugly" (1 Viewer)

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
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Would you like me to move it to this thread?

Not if it is not a problem for you, I listed it on the first page of my NaPo thread to make it easy for you to keep track of everything... I would like it to stay in the showcase... if you are ok with that ;)
 

Firemajic

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Firemagic,

I don't think you need 'there was[once] a . . .' every time. You could just start 'a deprived [or depraved] Praying Mantis named Lucy'. (Not sure why I am being so pedantic, but something concerned me about the rhythm.)

In #19, I love the non-rhyme in lines three and four.

Yeah, it is kinda predictable to start every limerick with "there once was a "... hummm, I will see if I can shake it up ;) Thank you for your suggestion ...
 

Firemajic

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#21

Lucy

There was a Praying Mantis named Lucy
she dined on things that were juicy
she ate her mate's head
while he was sleeping in bed
but his brain made her tummy feel woozy

#22

Lucy 2

There was a Praying Mantis named Lucy
her mate came home drunk and woozy
she dined on his head
while he was passed out in bed
and was surprised that his brain was so juicy

Firemagic,

I don't think you need 'there was[once] a . . .' every time. You could just start 'a deprived [or depraved] Praying Mantis named Lucy'. (Not sure why I am being so pedantic, but something concerned me about the rhythm.)

In #19, I love the non-rhyme in lines three and four.


A carnivorous green Mantis named Lucy
loved to dine on fare that was juicy
she ate her mate's head
while he slept in bed
but his brain made her tummy feel woozy

Thank you, Pulse ;)
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
#23

Tiny Dancer

A crow wanted to learn to dance Ballet
but his wings inhibited his Grand jete
he looked awesome in flight
when he wore his white tights
soon he decided it was all too passé

What an hilarious image! Crows always seem such incongruous figures. They bring little elegance to the role they were built for, so going for a career in ballet has got to be a step too far! Glad he kept his dignity by deciding he didn't want to do it anyway - even if he did forget to take the tights off. ;)
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
River Rhapsody

#24
River Rhapsody

By the banks softly confining
in its bed gently reclining
brown sugar sand slender willows
stand, shallows ripple, shadows stipple
sunlight brazen, mist hazing
enraptured I wait gazing
to see the eagle take the sky
on magnificent wings, freedom flies
as I leave this sacred place, I am
filled with awe and grace, thankful
I had time to spend watching
the river slip around the bend
 
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jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
I just love the atmosphere that you have created with this poem. Your delicate handling of the entire scene makes the experience of it pop off the page. You often write about the eagle and I do envy you having these majestic birds around you. Here in the tiny UK we have shot or poisoned almost everything out of existence over the centuries. The beautiful golden eagle now survives only in Scotland and repeated recent re-introductions into England have not been very succesful. We do have the White-Tailed Fish Eagle but even that was wiped out by hunting in 1917 and only recently reintroduced. Thank goodness that we seem to be taking our responsibility towards nature seriously at last and are beginning to make some effort to put right the damage we have done. Better late than never, I suppose. :(
 

Firemajic

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Thank you, Jen ;)... What a shame that you can't watch the eagles... it is almost a spiritual event for me...they were on the endangered list for many years, but thankfully, they have made an astounding recovery... but the tragic reality is that They should never have been driven to the brink of extinction...

Thank you for reading my river poem, these poems are special to me... they are the "real" me... ;)
I am keeping my fingers crossed for the White- Tailed Fish Eagle...
 

Darren White

co-owner and admin
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Co-Owner
I can't see eagles either. So that adds to the beautiful, mysterious and spiritual atmosphere of your poem. I really like it.
 

Firemajic

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Poe's Woe

#26

Poe's Woe

Poe was a wise ancient black crow
he knew secrets dangerous to know
he whispered them to the wind
never spoke of them again
but his heart was still filled with woe

#27

Flame's Fame
Flame was a beautiful wild Mustang
a legend on the wide open plains
too wily to get caught
he would never be bought
he was too wild to ever be tamed
 

Firemajic

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Her Brother's Keeper

#28

Her Brother's Keeper

My Mother was rare
one of a kind, my way
of life she defined
she was not a quitter
thought of herself as a
go at the challenge hard hitter
not part of a problem
but the solution, believed in
conflict resolution, her currency
was deep compassion
quick to kindness was her
reaction, offering comfort
a loving passion, if you need
help she extended her hand
she was her brother's keeper
she would go that extra mile
saw you hidden true potential
kept your secrets confidential
she was a humanitarian treasure
to be her daughter was a pleasure
missed by those she left behind
she was her brother's keeper

# 29

Memories of Mom

I hold your memory gently
on my fingertips
like fragile iridescent bubbles
bursting against my eyelids
leaving life long residue
that cannot be erased
 

midnightpoet

WF Veterans
Fire, I'm sorry I have not paid more attention to these poems of yours. When i started out this month I didn't realize I was supposed to put my poems on one continuous thread, and being rather stupid I had trouble finding them. I plan to read all of them now.:stupid:
 

alana

Senior Member
#28
# 29

Memories of Mom

I hold your memory gently
on my fingertips
like fragile iridescent bubbles
bursting against my eyelids
leaving life long residue
that cannot be erased

This is really beautiful - the brevity of it belies the delicateness and complexity. So well done :)
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Two loving tributes but that number 29 is just beautiful.

Thank you, Jen... I love writing about my mom, but I never feel like I end the poem appropriately...I struggle with that, maybe because I have never had real "closure" about her death and the way she was killed... I appreciate your comments ;)


yes 29 is a beauty, I also liked the wine poem - though I would change wine for nectar in L3

Thank you, Danny... that is a good suggestion ;)


Fire, I'm sorry I have not paid more attention to these poems of yours. When i started out this month I didn't realize I was supposed to put my poems on one continuous thread, and being rather stupid I had trouble finding them. I plan to read all of them now.:stupid:

awww, no worries my friend, I hope to go back and enjoy all the poems after my brain recovers ;) I put all of my poems in one thread so I could keep track and to make Darren's job a little easier ;)


This is really beautiful - the brevity of it belies the delicateness and complexity. So well done :)

Thank you, Alana...I always feel my poems about my mom feel unfinished...
 

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