Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

Firemajic's NaPoWriMo 2021--"The good, the bad and the ugly" (1 Viewer)

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Thank you Tuesday ;).... metaphors are like cockroaches.. for every one you find and kill... there are thousands waiting... hiding ;)
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Silk Swans

Poem #5

In 2016 I wrote a poem called "Black Silk and White Chiffon", I have always wanted to continue their story, but didn't....Their journey and my poem about them are based on real wild swans that I had the honor to spend time with...

Silk Swans

Each spring I looked forward
to the thawing of my pond
and the beauty that would follow
Black Silk and White Chiffon

They returned each spring
this pair of mated swans
and spent the summer with me
Black Silk and White Chiffon

I heard their wild song
when they landed on the pond
they had returned
Black Silk and White Chiffon

It had been a lonely year
full of grief and loss
but I was thrilled to see the swans
Black Silk and White Chiffon

Sitting on the bank
of my secluded pond
I shared my sorrow with the swans
Black Silk and White Chiffon

Miracles can heal a broken heart
and can come in mysterious ways
mine came with the swans
Black Silk and White Chiffon


This needs a lot of polishing, but I love writing about the Swans..
I named the Male swan "Black Silk" and his mate, "White Chiffon"
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
This is lovely, Fire. Who cares that it might need some polishing. The swans came very much alive for me.


awww, thank you Darren, your comments are so appreciated ;)



There's a sense of comfort to this poem - many things have changed, but still some remain. The swans return, and all will be well. Really nice :)

Thank you Alana ;) I am so happy that you caught the sense of comfort and continuity...
I actually had a stanza about that, in the poem, but removed it... I guess, maybe, it was not needed after all... thank you for understanding....
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
His Whore-hal painting

#6

She was ashamed of her colors
purple and magenta, fading to yellow
what to wear with hues of rage...
Maybe her slutty black dress
and stilettos .... of course...

He said her colors were
his work of art
and he should know
he was a master craftsman
with
his
fists

There is only one "job"
she can do where no one
will ask questions
or even care

He drops her off
at the corner where
she can strut her stuff

She knows she better shake
her money maker
because HE can't live on love
and that monkey that rides his back
must
be
fed

She is highly motivated
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Healing comes in many forms, we treasure that and what a lovely source you found in such graceful creatures.


Dear Gumby, thank you for your lovely comment on my poem "Silk Swans"... Nature has to power to heal, if we are wise enough to let it...
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
#6

She was ashamed of her colors
purple and magenta, fading to yellow
what to wear with hues of rage...
Maybe her slutty black dress
and stilettos .... of course...

He said her colors were
his work of art
and he should know
he was a master craftsman
with
his
fists

There is only one "job"
she can do where no one
will ask questions
or even care

He drops her off
at the corner where
she can strut her stuff

She knows she better shake
her money maker
because HE can't live on love
and that monkey that rides his back
must
be
fed

She is highly motivated

The way you can bend your pen and change the mood from one day to the next is impressive. NaPO is truly showcasing your ability as an observer and a quality poet.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
The way you can bend your pen and change the mood from one day to the next is impressive. NaPO is truly showcasing your ability as an observer and a quality poet.


Fabulous Jen, your critiques are a healing elixir to this poor fevered, bumbling poet ... ;)
Seriously, thank you, my friend....
 

dannyboy

WF Veterans
Poem #5

In 2016 I wrote a poem called "Black Silk and White Chiffon", I have always wanted to continue their story, but didn't....Their journey and my poem about them are based on real wild swans that I had the honor to spend time with...

Silk Swans

Each spring I looked forward
to the thawing of my pond
and the beauty that would follow
Black Silk and White Chiffon

They returned each spring
this pair of mated swans
and spent the summer with me
Black Silk and White Chiffon

I heard their wild song
when they landed on the pond
they had returned
Black Silk and White Chiffon

It had been a lonely year
full of grief and loss
but I was thrilled to see the swans
Black Silk and White Chiffon

Sitting on the bank
of my secluded pond
I shared my sorrow with the swans
Black Silk and White Chiffon

Miracles can heal a broken heart
and can come in mysterious ways
mine came with the swans
Black Silk and White Chiffon


This needs a lot of polishing, but I love writing about the Swans..
I named the Male swan "Black Silk" and his mate, "White Chiffon"

really enjoyed the flow of this – like swans still on water with a lot happening beneath.
 
Last edited:

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Nothing but the bone

#7

Nothing but the bone

The clock is finally winding down
and I haven't a single dime
there was nothing in this world
that was truly mine
no stone has been left unturned
no lesson left unlearned
I am standing here alone
with no meat left on the bone

There's no way to go forward
and no way to go back
there's nothing you can give me
and nothing that I lack
All that I have left ,will be this granite stone
and what lies under it, just a pile of bones

I have no pearls left
I gave them to the Swine
my hour glass is empty
I squandered all my time
no one will cry, standing by my stone
why would anyone weep over dust and bones


I am still working on this...
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
It's intriguing how this seems, on the surface, to be about regret and loss and yet the message that comes sneaking through is all about a life lived to the full. Material possessions and memories are things for the people left behind. The really important point of life is about what the deceased learned and how much they grew in the process. On that level, this sounds like a story of great success.

This is a poem that I'll remember and think about for a long time.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Dear Jen, I did not realize that , but after reading your comment, I reread my poem and completely understood what you mean... it IS true... thank you for your insight, I always learn so much, from your comments, not to just my poetry, but all of your comments on others poetry... you can unfold a poem and expose hidden gems... so lovely...Thank you...
 

alana

Senior Member
I agree with Jen - while this feels sad on the onset, there is a sense of hope and fulfilment lingering underneath. Particularly in 'no stone left unturned and no lesson left unlearned' - really, what more can we hope for at the end of life, but this?

I also really liked the inclusion of the swine in the last stanza - to me the word swine always has had kind of the echo of the word 'swindle', which when combined with the pearls brings something extra. Like you were tricked into giving over a treasure.

Really lovely poem!
 

Darren White

co-owner and admin
Staff member
Co-Owner
At first I thought the last line was part of the poem. And I couldn't connect it to the rest.
Until I realised... Yeah, I can be that dumb sometimes :)

It's a poignant poem, and I find it very true.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
I agree with Jen - while this feels sad on the onset, there is a sense of hope and fulfilment lingering underneath. Particularly in 'no stone left unturned and no lesson left unlearned' - really, what more can we hope for at the end of life, but this?

I also really liked the inclusion of the swine in the last stanza - to me the word swine always has had kind of the echo of the word 'swindle', which when combined with the pearls brings something extra. Like you were tricked into giving over a treasure.

Really lovely poem!

There is a Bible verse that speaks of "casting your pearls to the swine", and that was what I was referencing... but I love your take on that, thank you for your lovely comments and insight... ;)


At first I thought the last line was part of the poem. And I couldn't connect it to the rest.
Until I realised... Yeah, I can be that dumb sometimes :)

It's a poignant poem, and I find it very true.

Ooo, well, That was just a note to myself ;) Thank you for reading and commenting ;)
 
Last edited:

TuesdayEve

Friends of WF
#6 Roxanne....the monkey must be fed

#7 I think the rhyming adds to the intensity
of the poems weight. Again very Poe-ish, nice.
 
Top