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Fallen... Woman! (1 Viewer)

MikeDwight

Senior Member
A Fallen Woman,
across time space and man,
the final dance of a Rite of Spring,
but oh, to a sprained knee she does cling.
There she is a Working Woman,
not in her own Heaven,
a place where things were as they are above.
Perhaps some little dove.

Not a Raven, Nevermore.
Unless she is married to a Moor.
The Moor where all work is shared,
to be admirable with all his women,
Mohammed is very shared.

A Fallen Woman without Week-End.
The Temple torn asunder.
A Home is no sweet Home.
Oh But Tom, do you Really,
burn the Manors,
protest for Republicanism,
leave your wife to die in a Foreign Land that isn't her own?
And you're Irish?
All in one package Mr. Branson?

The Union that is not Just must be tempered with an Independence,
in the garden, a far away garden, a contemplative garden, with lillies and things.

Falling lilies along the walls of Genghis Khan, the Tent is Black!
Toward the air Confucius say, on a windy day to walk East.
Fallen Women!

Fallen Woman how society has ended when the Queen, oh The Queen!
 
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rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
excuse me but I find this confusing, somewhat convoluted, full of forced rhymes and baffling. I'm assuming English is not your first language and if it is then you're speaking a form of pig Latin that is foreign to me. Forgive me if I'm being harsh, that's not my intention but I know there is a good poem to be found in this mish-mash of words if you attempt to make it more coherent.

I sincerely welcome to the poetry showcase. And if I offended you as a artist you haVE to learn to have a thick skin.

WARMEST
BOB
 

MikeDwight

Senior Member
Aw, that's all the sadder because I liked your poem rcallaci. It sort of has a good start to it with the British origin phrase "Fallen Woman", an expose of fallen or falling women across Time, Space and all Man... So starts with the scene of Pagan Russia long ago in Stravinsky's Rite of Spring, where a woman Falls Over. Then I'm Sort of Thinking of The Victorian Home Sweet Home Series, into "The Raven" by American Edgar ALlen Poe... Off to Morroco and the Medieval Moorish people and Islam, they're falling all over the place for some reason or another, its all gibberish to me, its all Greek to me. An obscure tortured paragraph on Tom Branson the over-the-top Irishman from Downton Abbey, is he still Drunk?! The Union of marriage to mind over the Union of Politics in the Bonnie Blue Flag, over to the 3 tents of Genghis Khan thats a raiding horde of visigoths and ochlocracy in Roman mob rule where the lotus blossoms jump to their deaths before the Khan. Over to Queen Min, after all that hard work to save her nephew, attain personal physicians, and teach the populace God Save the Queen. There, far more entertaining to an introverted poem writer.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Mike, nice to meet you,

I like what you're going for. I think the problem for me is that I'm new to poetry. I don't know the poems to which you refer (on the whole), so many of the nuances and interelations, the meanings that you're stitching together are lost on me. This isn't a bad thing. It's just a matter of considering who your audience is. People who are well read in poetry and will follow all the references, or the average reader. Neither is right or wrong, but I fear with this type of poem, if one fails to get one link the meaning might fall apart. That is not to say that it is a bad poem, I just don't know enough. I'm sure some of the poets on here with a better knowledge will be able to give you some much better feedback. I did find your poem interesting and your explanation exciting, in that it shows you put much thought into your work. I'm looking forwards to seeing what else you do. All the best, PG
 
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