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Failure (1 Viewer)

Arcwood

Senior Member
My heart fails to function
through thoughts or note ~
My eyes fail me something,
something I could not know.

This is fate, yet I seal it,
nothing new or untold,
shall creap past my sanction,
defiling the faith that keeps bellow.

My heart fails to function
through thoughts or note ~
my words fail me something,
something I could not show.
 

Blade

Creative Area Specialist (Fiction)
WF Veterans
I like overall, it is rather depressing though to not know is worlds away from not being able to show.

Think "creap" in line 7 should be "creep" and "bellow" in line 8 "below".

Reminds me of a Chinese saying "Failure is not falling down but not getting up".
 

ArcNinja

Member
It kind of sounds like song lyrics to me, but I like it. The repetition of the first and third stanzas was a nice touch, but I think it could use another stanza or two. With just the three, it sounds kind of... incomplete, I guess.
 
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