Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

Fag And A Can (1 Viewer)

TheMightyAz

Mentor
​Some British slang: 'me' = MY / 'sen' = SELF / 'fag' = CIGARETTE / 'are' = OUR / 'muvers' = MOTHERS

Fag and a can


Got me sen a fag and a can
Two black eyes cos I’m the man
Tattoos and dots on me face
Scars and jeans to hide me grace
Sovereign rings on every knuckle
Think we’re cool but our muvers chuckle
Payin’ through their eyes and nose
So we can trash it with the bros
Shake it out and strut our stuff
Violence is a poor man’s bluff

Got me sen a fag and a can
A girlfriend and a brand new pram
Six stone nothing; always bitchin’
‘Bout me flat without no kitchen
Fridge half empty, can half full
Take this pain and make it dull
Lines of coke to make life faster
Holes in doors, fists in plaster
Thinkin’ how love is felt
With the buckle on me old man’s belt

Got me sen a fag and a can
Map, a compass but no real plan
Plen’y of time to see the past
Check out the mold from which I’m caste
Through me tears I see me fate
Bits of love but stacks of hate
Bless me girlfriend that she chooses
A life with me and all those bruises
Her face broken, my face frowns
Are kids get me hand-me-downs…
 
Last edited:

BostonsOwn

Senior Member
​Some British slang: 'me' = MY / 'sen' = SELF / 'fag' = CIGARETTE / 'are' = OUR / 'muvers' = MOTHERS

Fag and a can


Got me sen a fag and a can
Two black eyes cos I’m the man
Tattoos and dots on me face
Scars and jeans to hide me grace
Sovereign rings on every knuckle
Think we’re cool but our muvers chuckle
Payin’ through their eyes and nose
So we can trash it with the bros
Shake it out and strut our stuff
Violence is a poor man’s bluff

Got me sen a fag and a can
A girlfriend and a brand new pram
Six stone nothing; always bitchin’
‘Bout me flat without no kitchen
Fridge half empty, can half full
Take this pain and make it dull
Lines of coke to make life faster
Holes in doors, fists in plaster
Thinkin’ how love is felt
With the buckle on me old man’s belt

Got me sen a fag and a can
Map, a compass but no real plan
Plen’y of time to see the past
Check out the mold from which I’m caste
Through me tears I see me fate
Bits of love but stacks of hate
Bless me girlfriend that she chooses
A life with me and all those bruises
Her face broken, my face frowns
Are kids get me hand-me-downs…

The characters I see...every bar patron at 2am when I lived in Lowell, Massachusetts. Good stuff, man.
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
Growing up, we’d call them “hoods” as in neighborhoods. In their case - I’ll actually say mine as well, from the middle or lower middle class kids.

That's where you get your grittiness from then. :) It's informed your writing wonderfully! The gifts we can't bring ourselves to acknowledge ...
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I like this a lot, it’s sending me proper John Cooper Clarke vibes. I think the way in which you use rhyme for a piece with quite a serious purpose, is clever because initially it feels rather comic only for the reality to dawn on the reader.

If I’m being critical I think the rhythm in portions of stanza two feels a little forced, making the reader stumble a little. But that’s just a small criticism.

Cheers

Syd
 

Bloggsworth

WF Veterans
Am I alone in thinking John Cooper-Clark - Meh?

"Sen" is Yorkshire dialect, not English "normal," usual usage being "Thee sen" for "yourself." If ever thee dos owt for nowt, do it for thee sen. And if you are going to "English it up" then mould!

Apart from that, I love it.
 

Foxee

Patron
Patron
Wow, that's like a collection of mercilessly clear black-and-white crime scene photographs.

This line really got me:
Check out the mold from which I’m caste
Great use of words that bring in two ideas of "I can't change my position in life" on a wordplay. Well done.

I know a guy who works as itinerant security for retail stores doing loss prevention. He told me that a lot of the people he busts for shoplifting don't view it as a crime or a choice but as "how life is". In their view, only suckers go to the store and pay money for what they can take for free.
 
Top