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Fading of the Light (1 Viewer)

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Fading of the Light

Many fear it
hate it
berate it

As the days
grow cold
and frost bites
brittle blooms

But there is
among autumn's
fade and decay

as gold cedes
to bright and
earthen black

Another, dying
in the dwindling
of these days

The light...
soft and gentle
a mother's trace

fingers across
her child's sweet
slumberous face

The boney peaks
the shaded vales
bright revealed
as dark conceals

a unicorn passing
through naked boles
of an aspen wood

It is the patina
earned with age
the year's last,
sometimes
sole bit of grace

Ethereal dapples
of decaying day...
ripples of infinity

as the star knight
leads twilight away
 
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Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
For me, there is something... spiritual in the end of each season, and something spiritual in the setting of the sun... these things cause me to reflect on my mortality. take my personal inventory... check my moral compass...

There is mystery and magic in somber evening shadows, in that moment, it seems that time holds its breath for just a heartbeat, and indeed, anything is possible... even a unicorn...

This poem is exquisitely elegantly penned and was a pleasure to read....
 

Theglasshouse

WF Veterans
I liked the closure of the sentence with the knight in the poem which can be interpreted in more than one way. The rhyme was clever as well. I did read it out loud. I appreciate a good nature poem. I used to watch documentaries on Discovery Channel when I took biology which increased my interest in animals (which was a fun class). Which made me appreciate nature related works of art growing up after that class. I liked this poem a lot. If the main message I take away is the last line, then it was well worth reading it. It's a paradox. Human beings need to protect humankind, but the animals are scared due to their biology. Maybe fear is irrational, but it makes a lot of sense to end the poem in this particular way. Also, what you fear is symbolized in the knight which is supposed to protect. Excellent poem. Thanks for sharing it. I like these sorts and never seem to get enough since I write on this topic as a short story.
 

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Thank you both for taking the time to read and comment. It is always appreciated. The pieces like this are always a bit of a paradox. Like Breaking Monday and Ignorance Has No Place Here, it is a five minute scribble that is the result of a glass rabbit moment.

There is not a lot of deep thought that goes into it, just a need to capture the impressions of that hare. Readers seem to find so much depth in something that is unedited simplicity of things I have seen a thousand times like the woods and bluffs near my home. (There are usually a couple of cameos of the 'Ways folk included, but most are unaware of the deeper tales.) I read through other pieces and their critiques, both on this board and the workshop. I can make a pretty educated guess on the amount of work that other poets put into their work. It is significantly more than my glass rabbit moments.

It might sound weird, but it makes me feel a little guilty that I don't struggle more with the creative process. When a piece works, it works...there are not multiple revisions...Sometimes I wonder if I am missing something more of the process. I don't get angst about ideas, they just seem to work themselves out. Something like sheer dumb pantser's luck, or an idiot savant function where metaphors are concerned. I don't think metaphor, but I am able to metaphor according to readers.

Presentation-wise, none of my work is allowed to be pajama pants at Walmart on principle...You put on real pants and go to Target. I also know that clean formatting can be a bit intimidating to some. Take away the grammar and formatting chinks, where does one begin?

- D.
 
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2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Really enjoyed reading this one, I like the sparseness of it, like the diminishing light somewhat? There is a softness to it which I find soothing, that being said, and excuse me for saying this, but I find the lineation of this piece to somewhat diminish that smoothness, I think perhaps toying with a longer line could give the piece a sense of those gradually darker nights, perhaps even starting with longer lines and finishing with the shorter ones would add to this further?

Hope this helps

Cheers

Syd
 

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Appreciate the insights, maybe be a bit more specific. e.g. S3,L3: Consider expanding on example X...

There is an aspect about November light that sets it apart...The fact that it is fragile, its traces softer than that of say, a day in July, when time suspends and the heat oppresses. Everything is hot and wretched. (Not being a huge fan of summer, this is not something I want to include in something like this. That type of light is too much. This is about the glimpses.) The frailty is inherent, just as the imagery of the piece is softly illusive. By its very nature it will disappear as soon as one blinks. Longer lines to illustrate the fade, would undermine the very nature of the piece itself, by over compensating with explanation of what has already been indicated by the title and compiled imagery. It is not about what was, but what is in the moment. That instant of bright and shadow in perfect balancing, knowing the instant will cede to dark. A longer line length would not lend the finiteness.

As to asymmetry, as a whole, in my non form pieces is something of a sour note. The visually it jars and my brain goes into edit mode. How can I reduces this to its minimum length, but maintain the function and feel. Form pieces, because of the built in stucture will have more as far as content. The Glass Rabbit moments are bound by the nature of their existence. There and gone, but reflective of the symmetry of their source.

- D.
 
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