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Excerpt from "Roland's Journal" **language warning (1 Viewer)

Apex Predator

Senior Member
[This is a snippet of a writing exercise which I have writing for a creative writing class. Hopefully you all enjoy it].

[FONT=&Verdana] DAY 365
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[FONT=&Verdana]Well journal, I guess we should feel proud of our selves. It’s been a year since the outbreak and my little sister and I are still alive!
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[FONT=&Verdana]Oh and you too journal.
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[FONT=&Verdana]Damn, has it really been a year already? I guess you don’t notice those kind of things after a while.
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[FONT=&Verdana]Anyway today was good. My lil’ sis and I did some basic housekeeping things like we’re supposed to. I checked the barricades outside the house, they are all still intact. Fortunately it’s still summer, and me and Esther will hopefully have about a month or so of long days of daylight before the seasons change. I feel sorry for Esther. She really, really hates the darkness.
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[FONT=&Verdana]Sorry! I’m doing it again! I know you’re not a real person journal, but sometimes I like to think you are.
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[FONT=&Verdana]You know, keeping you was a great idea. I love Esther, but sometimes I get tired of talking to her.
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[FONT=&Verdana]Gosh I miss mom and dad.
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[FONT=&Verdana]DAY 366
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[FONT=&Verdana]Today was fun. Me and Esther decided to go to the library today.
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[FONT=&Verdana]We wanted to ride our bikes but they had a flat and we got nothing to fix it with. I guess that means until then we gotta go walking everywhere! Shit that’s gonna suck!
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[FONT=&Verdana]Anyway the library was same as always – broken. Esther got a few books today, something from Dr. Seuss, Where the wild things are (I’m so sick of reading that book to her, but it makes her happy, so whatever), and something of a mermaid princess.
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[FONT=&Verdana]I finally finished reading all the Narnia books. I figured I’d read Game of Thrones next. I hear it was ok.
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[FONT=&Verdana]I can tell the Esther wants so bad to watch movies again. I do too. But we can waste our power on those things anymore.
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[FONT=&Verdana]Note to self: maybe for Esther’s 9[SUP]th[/SUP] birthday; we’ll break the rule and watch something.
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[FONT=&Verdana]DAY 367
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[FONT=&Verdana]I saw a deer wandering the street today. Nothing else happened.

Note to self: practice archery tomorrow.
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[FONT=&Verdana]DAY 369
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[FONT=&Verdana]Had a good dream last night. I was with that girl Isabelle. Damn that girl was sexy! She and I had four classes together in high school.
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[FONT=&Verdana]I had a humongous crush her! Black hair, fair-skin, thick eye brows, large blue eyes, and these super cute freckles! (I don’t why but I loved that about her!)
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[FONT=&Verdana]If I had a chance to ever fuck a girl – It would’ve been her!
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[FONT=&Verdana]But yeah she’s probably dead now… just like all the rest.
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[FONT=&Verdana]Fucking virus! It ruined everything!
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[FONT=&Verdana]DAY 372
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[FONT=&Verdana]Esther had a bad dream last night.
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[FONT=&Verdana]She told me that she had a dream about our house, but it was on fire. That she was scared running all about calling for me but I was nowhere to be found. Then out of the darkness of the night, “The Things” came after her!
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[FONT=&Verdana]Poor Esther would not go back to sleep. We just stayed up together. I kept telling her that she shouldn’t be scared. That was long I’m hear, I’ll never, never let those things in night come after her.
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[FONT=&Verdana]I’ll never let those things hurt her ever!
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[FONT=&Verdana]The image of her sobbing haunts my head. I hate seeing her so sad and unhappy. It’s not fair! Kids her age should be playing with friends and having a life. Not hiding away, trying to survive.
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[FONT=&Verdana]I wish mom and dad was here.
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[FONT=&Verdana]DAY 377
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[FONT=&Verdana]Today was good. We finished our routine and decided to go to the old playground. It’s so weird not to see anybody else playing on the old monkey bars or merry-go-round.
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It’s so quiet and lonely. It’s actually kinda hard to imagine that over a year ago there were families and friends having a life and being loved in places like this. It’s kinda surreal to be honest.

[FONT=&Verdana]We had such a fun time! We played hide-and-go-seek for a bit and pushed each other on the swings. It was good until we found a skeleton under the swing bridge. Esther always freaks whenever she sees what’s left of a corpse. I’m kind of used to it by now. However, the only thing that bothered me about it was that it looked like it was cradling something. I looked closer and saw that the “thing” she was holding was another skeleton… only baby-sized.


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Harper J. Cole

Creative Area Specialist (Speculative Fiction)
Staff member
Chief Mentor
A fun little post-disaster snippet. You set the stage nicely ... I'm reminded a little of 'I am Legend' (the book version). I did see a couple of typos ...

Well journal, I guess we should feel proud of our selves.


'Ourselves' is all one word.

I wish mom and dad was here.


It's 'were here', as there's two of them.

Of course, your narrator is young, so these might be deliberate.

HC
 

Apex Predator

Senior Member
Thank you,

Some of the error were an accident, al la "my fault". Others however were intentional in order to convey a sense of amateurism from the narrator.
 

Khalid M

Senior Member
I like the narrator's tone. He's quite calm and composed for someone in that situation. The setting was nicely set up too, it reminded me of The Last of Us. I guess that after day 377 the story will move forward. Maybe something will force them to leave their hideout?
 

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