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hikerpoet

Senior Member
Waxing and waning along mortality’s divide,
Hope’s compassionate eloquence, embraced.
Visions, friends, confusion, gathered vigilance.

Ego’s grievances seek reverence. Pain subsides.
Resolve succumbs to frailty, consciousness fades.
Breath falls still. Life relinquished, eternity’s peace.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
I like the concept behind your poem and its form. The short, compact nature. The first part is nicely evocative, I like 'visions, friends, confusion' especially. The only part I struggle to understand is, 'Ego's grievances seek reverence.' Resolution or Peace would make sense to me. But I am not a poet. I will have to think on it. but I suppose that is what poetry is intended for. Anyway, thank you, I enjoyed your poem.
 

Chiefster

Senior Member
A gorey death of one's ego. How an ego kills it's host soul. This one is no happy journey, and a bittersweet end. This seemed like a dispersion of faith. 10.4/10.5 I was even close to giving you that extra .1, if I had rounded up, but it was not a perfect score from me. I do not even know how to improve it, so only take my most positive vibes reaching you through this critique.
 

SweetCake

Member
Wow, this is an amazing poem! I love this genre of poem. My brother loves playing around with genres, so I'm sure he would enjoy trying to find a name for this one! The short compact nature of this is really nice. I like the descriptive nature of your poem! The story this poem tells is a very good concept.
Thanks for your time.
-SweetC
 

hikerpoet

Senior Member
petergrimes I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I didn't see a notification for your comment. It's about someone who is dying and all that happens in the last weeks before and as they pass.
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Waxing and waning along mortality’s divide,
Hope’s compassionate eloquence, embraced.
Visions, friends, confusion, gathered vigilance.

Ego’s grievances seek reverence. Pain subsides.
Resolve succumbs to frailty, consciousness fades.
Breath falls still. Life relinquished, eternity’s peace.


Death can be brutal, ugly and well, almost always untimely... but this poem sounds gentle, friends gathered around, waiting... there was time to come to terms with the unfolding event, both for the dying and for the living... that is a gift... yes?
and in the end, the thing we all long for... peace...

Your poetic voice shows gentleness and compassion, reverence ....well done...
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi, thank you for your reply. Yes, that is how I understood the poem too. And I thought it worked really well. All of it made sense to me, spoke to me, when viewed within that context. It was just that one line I couldn't quite work out. But I really liked it. All the best P
 
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