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Echoes heard after the storm: (1 Viewer)

dannyboy

Friends of WF
At the base of the baobab tree
when the sun is clear of clouds
and sits behind or in front (truthfully
both are the same for the baobab and star)
there can be found at the tree’s base
a hole into the spirit world
an entry, a window, a possibility
a physical body is able to enter…with caution –
always when the real
is exchanged for the imagined
caution is demanded,
which is why there are labyrinths and smoke,
songs and dance and sacred caves.

Not always can the physical come back
the clouds might obscure
the sun might set
or a body drifts too far
from that possible return

and now wanders in the in-between
neither gone nor present but a mixture.

Some wise lips whisper
that if you pause and listen
when the wind blows from the west
when the rain has just ceased
when the grass and tree are still for that moment
you can hear voices calling

like distant echoes of times
when the body may have skipped across
as a child
or in a dream

or when stress and danger
ask the conscious here and now,
for a moment, to leave.
 
Last edited:

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

This is a really interesting piece, that I like a lot. You really capture a sense of oral history and it reads as if the piece has been passed down to you. I like the way the piece slowly seems to emerge and the fact that it’s not whack, bam, wallop then done. It’s got a gentleness to it.

For me I would consider removing, it just feels like an unnecessary aside.

and sits behind or in front (truthfully

both are the same for the baobab and star)

it just feels like an unnecessary aside, that feels awkward in the context of the piece, it almost feels like a voice that isn’t the speaker’s, if that makes sense?

Hope this helps,

Cheers Syd



 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
yep good point Syd, it may beb better to remove. I've tried playing around with that line several ways but in the end I think an edit is the right call.
 
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