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Drinking in TJ (1 Viewer)

Kyrie

Senior Member
[disc]This is purely meant as a humor piece, if it offends anyone I'm truly sorry.[/disc]

((Sorry if it's a bit rant-y.))

So, let's say you just turned eighteen (maybe you just did, a long time ago), you feel almost like an adult now, keyword being almost. What's wrong? What's lacking? Drinking of course! And everything else that's prohibited, like drugs, but that's another essay.

But in California (let's pretend you also live in California) the legal drinking age is 21. Oh noes! What to do! Luckily, you are very close to a place where the drinking age is 18. GASP! And this golden land of opportunity is called Mexico! Yes! You always knew it was something more than a beaners home! All those tales of your friends older than you are true! Mostly anyway.

But you are still a virgin to the pleasures of that mysterious land, do not worry, I will guide you. First of all:

1.- Plan for the WHOLE weekend.
Believe me (you'll have to believe me in a lot of things) it's not funny to wake up in the morning with a killer hangover and THEN try to cross the border back home. The lines are one hour and a half long on the good days and up to three hours on bad days, and if the cops get a taste of your tequila breath, they'll most likely ask questions you won't even remember the answer.

2.- Invite a friend.
Preferably someone that can handle his drinking, it comes in handy when you want to go back to your hotel room and all you can do is puke your guts out.

3.- Choose your destination.
After crossing the border you have two main options. Tijuana or Rosarito. Rosarito is a bit more far away, but it's worth the trip because it's near the beach and has lots of hotels and motels nearby. Tijuana is better if you're looking for something quick. Other places to go is Playas, in-between Tijuana and Rosarito, nothing interesting there except the border, which is so close you can actually touch it and see how it ends in the sea; or Mexicali, but there's absolutely NOTHING there, you can go just to say you've been there and seen the nothing-ness.

3.- Try to learn some spanish.
Although you will seem very funny and gain lots of friends who will laugh at you (not with you) if the only think you can say are phrases like "Quiero tacos, pendejo", "Puto" and/or "I love TJ". Try saying something like "Soy un pinche gringo" and your new bilingual friends will teach you some Spanish, after laughing their asses off.

4.- Scoring girls.
This is the part you were expecting, right? Not to worry, it's not complicated. Try to score the girls who are inside the bar, no matter how slutty they look, the once outside are most likely hookers. If a girl doesn't want to have sex with you, she'll tell you (you have a higher chance of bedding her if you buy her a drink and dance a little, don't worry if you can't dance, she'll do all the work).

5.- Drinks.
If you listened to the second advise, ask your friend on what the best drink is, and try to keep tabs on what you've been drinking, a drunk american is NOT hot. You might want to try drugs, and some bartenders might even put some on your drink for free (don't ask them though!!) but if you really don't, then keep an eye on the bartender while he prepares the drinks or if you're sitting at a table, check that drinks aren't open in case you asked for a soda or a beer.

6.- Dancing.
Crazy moves will do fine, some people will be impressed by the idiot gringo making a fool out of himself on the dancing floor, but if you haven't been keeping tabs on your drink like I told you too, try to stay away from the second floor of the bar (or antro, as we call them here) you might just wake up in the hospital with a crack on your skull.

7.- Getting back home.
Like I said, you might wake up with a killer hangover and one or two girls in your bed (which might or not be coyote ugly), don't worry, they're not interested in an eighteen-year old like yourself. Contact your friends and have some breakfast, we have McDonalds here too, and the staff speaks English so don't worry. And don't worry about money, we use dollars too.

I hope you enjoy your trip to Tijuana or Rosarito, and remember, use a condom.
 

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