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Drinking Alone By the Window (1 Viewer)

xiaoman

Senior Member
Happy Mid-autumn Festival to you all!


Drinking Alone By the Window

A good spirit by the window lonelily,
I drink with no friends and family.

For a toast who can I invite?
Only the lonesome moon so bright.

The cold can’t comprehend,
all my feelings that are hard to end.

Summer is gone and autumn has arrived,
the spring has a long way to come by.

Life is a flick of the finger,
while mountains stand there forever.

The falling leaves are desolate,
they linger into a messy state.

Rivers are overwhelming in my eyes,
I hate to see COVID-19 lasting with no end in sight.

(I wrote this in Chinese first and then English )


 
Last edited:

Mr.Mingo

Senior Member
Happy Mid-Autumn Festival to you! Celebrated with my moon cakes, but honestly I've been eating them rather regularly over the last month anyways...

Some things struck me with this poem. I see you have manually inputted stanza specific line breaks instead of just breaking the line. I'm wondering why you chose to do that. Is it because of how you would have stacked the phrases in Chinese? Just interested.

I also noticed a few places that seemed slightly off in translation.
The falling leaves are desolate, they linger into a messy state
I'm not a fan of "messy state." I think it sort of loses tone in the poem where a more powerful negative word would have worked better. I don't know if that's due to direct translation or not.

I'd be interested to hear how this poem sounds in Chinese. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you can enjoy the holiday, though this poem suggests otherwise.
 

xiaoman

Senior Member
陪李白喝一杯

窗下独酌

窗下有美酒,独酌无相亲。

举杯可邀谁?孤月照影单。

风寒不解饮,杯尽百感生。

夏去秋又至,何日早来春?

人生皆苦短,永恒万重山。

落木萧萧下,缠绵纷飞乱。

江河千里黯,可恨一新冠。 thanks Mr. Mr. Mingo for your comments ! I used the line breaks in WeCha where I used my cellphone there is no enough space to do further editing probably it is my cell that getting old. The line breaks were also used to make it more visible for the aabbcc …rhyming , which I think it rhymed I may be wrong . It is created as a 古风 gufeng style poem. it is also rhymed in Chinese but not as strict as Qilv. I have tried to convey the same meaning, style and rhymes as much as possible out of the original Chinese version. Thanks again! Will come back to improve the messy state …. Happy holidays!
 

TL Murphy

Met3 Member
Staff member
Chief Mentor
Xioman, ”lonelily” is not a real English word, although it is an interesting adaptation of “lonely“ and “lone lily”. But coming in the first line, it looks like a typo. For the purpose of the poem, lonely/family works better. Most English speakers drop the “i” in family and pronounce it as 2 syllables instead of 3 - “fam-ly”
 
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