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Dragon Vs Princess (556 words) (1 Viewer)

wulfAlpha

Senior Member
Here is another short story I am working on. It started as a writing prompt on another site, but I decided that I couldn't just leave it.

Cnaerafon the chief terror of the west, Lord of Fire, Demon of the skies, the Wickedest Wyrm, and holder of other grandiose titles was hiding. Hiding in his castle as if he was the one in danger and not his involuntary "guest". Cnaerafon, the chief terror of the West, Lord of Fire, Demon of the skies, the Wickedest Wyrm, and holder of other grandiose titles, was hiding. Hiding in his own castle as if he was the one in danger and not his involuntary "guest". He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade and said,

"I say princess" Before he had to duck again "Any chance you would be so kind as to spare the good china?" He ducked just in time as his best Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his head with his wings.

Then everything went quiet. "What is the Princess up to now?" The dragon thought frantically. He chanced a peek above the table but kept his wings up to shield himself from whatever improvised missiles the "Princess" dared to throw at him. Then he heard an almighty crash. The castle shook "How does a tiny princess get into this much trouble?" Cnaerafon asked himself incredulously. He bounded fully up to see what had happened and for his troubles got his second-best tea set right in the face

"Stay back you fiend!" The princess said shrilly. She looked a right mess. She had managed to get into the larder and somehow torn her skirt almost all the way up her thigh. Her dress was stained, and despite all this, the young woman still managed to look pretty, even while being furious.
"You take me away from my wedding" She yells punctuating her sentences with improvised missiles made of China "You don't even have a single servant, and not a single thing to eat in your larder!"

At this rate she will soon have to start throwing silverware, he thought inanely.


Then the worst happened. The princess snapped Caernarfon's reading spectacles in half.

"Enough!" Caernarfon roared "I've been nothing but the soul of civility!" he advanced a step "I made sure you were comfortable!" Another step "I even graciously let you have your own room in the tallest tower!" And then one more step.

Then the princess begins to cry, And not the cute kind of crying.


Caernarfon sighed and then asked "What's the matter, princess?"
"It's just that I would have expected my knight to come and save me by now" the princess said through her tears.

Caernarfon chuckled "Is that why you insist on that ridiculous disguise?"

The princess gave him an arch look and then after deciding that the dragon wasn't bluffing dropped her "Princess" disguise and revealed the great gracefully pale beauty of her true form. "What gave it away?" The ice queen asked with a single fine eyebrow raised.


Caernarfon harrumphed and then said "It is not easy to fool a Dragon," then after a moment, added "And only one woman would have the sheer nerve to try and rout a dragon."


"Foiled again." the Ice Queen cackled, and then she gave the hand gesture for a touch in fencing before she disappeared in a cloud of white mist. Once again Caernarfon sighed as he looked around at the mess all over his once pristine cave. Once more he had saved the neighbouring kingdom and a certain knight from the clutches of the "Princess", and for his troubles he got all his china smashed and even lost his glasses to boot. He'd have to up his price after this. There was no way this was worth only one room of books.
 
Last edited:

The Fantastical

Senior Member
I love it!! I loved the twist with the "princess" not being an actual Princess and I really enjoyed the way you brought the dragons personality alive through the objects that she was smashing and it definitely brought a smile to my face :).
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
In here there are a good number of great phrases:
"the dragon said with a martyred sigh", "
"I've been nothing but the soul of civility!"
"What gave it away?" The ice queen asked, a single fine eyebrow raised.

I love the dragonny voice too - I think John Cleese would be a good one to voice it :)

I have to say though I was quite put off by the big unformatted block of text. I know that the WF sometimes doesn't format all that well but you have the power of edit so use it :) It's not just that it's hard to read (though it is) but it also suggests a lack of care on the writing, which suggests in turn either a lack of interest or grammatical unfamiliarity in the material on the part of the author, and lo and behold there are several dialogue tagging and other simple errors (easily fixed though), eg:

He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade and said, "I say princess,[<- should not be a comma here]" Before he had to duck again, "Any chance you would be so kind as to spare the good china?" h[<- capital H]e ducked just in time as his best Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him,[<- again this should not be a comma] "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his head with his wings.
 

wulfAlpha

Senior Member
In here there are a good number of great phrases:
"the dragon said with a martyred sigh", "
"I've been nothing but the soul of civility!"
"What gave it away?" The ice queen asked, a single fine eyebrow raised.

I love the dragonny voice too - I think John Cleese would be a good one to voice it :)

I have to say though I was quite put off by the big unformatted block of text. I know that the WF sometimes doesn't format all that well but you have the power of edit so use it :) It's not just that it's hard to read (though it is) but it also suggests a lack of care on the writing, which suggests in turn either a lack of interest or grammatical unfamiliarity in the material on the part of the author, and lo and behold there are several dialogue tagging and other simple errors (easily fixed though), eg:

He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade and said, "I say princess,[<- should not be a comma here]" Before he had to duck again, "Any chance you would be so kind as to spare the good china?" h[<- capital H]e ducked just in time as his best Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him,[<- again this should not be a comma] "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his head with his wings.

I see I need to re familiarize myself with commas again. When it comes to punctuation I seem to err on the side of over enthusiasm. As for the formatting I didn't know wf would let me break it down into paragraphs so I will work on that for next time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Bard_Daniel

Senior Member
Enjoyable read. Fun little story that is very pleasant to read. One thing is that, as bdcharles mentioned, you should learn how to properly format the text you put in. It makes it easier for the reader to digest.

Thanks for sharing!
 

wulfAlpha

Senior Member
In here there are a good number of great phrases:
"the dragon said with a martyred sigh", "
"I've been nothing but the soul of civility!"
"What gave it away?" The ice queen asked, a single fine eyebrow raised.

I love the dragonny voice too - I think John Cleese would be a good one to voice it :)

I have to say though I was quite put off by the big unformatted block of text. I know that the WF sometimes doesn't format all that well but you have the power of edit so use it :) It's not just that it's hard to read (though it is) but it also suggests a lack of care on the writing, which suggests in turn either a lack of interest or grammatical unfamiliarity in the material on the part of the author, and lo and behold there are several dialogue tagging and other simple errors (easily fixed though), eg:

He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade and said, "I say princess,[<- should not be a comma here]" Before he had to duck again, "Any chance you would be so kind as to spare the good china?" h[<- capital H]e ducked just in time as his best Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him,[<- again this should not be a comma] "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his head with his wings.
Ok i tried to fix it. Are there tags that aid in better formatting? it doesn't seem to like just being pasted from a text editor
 

wulfAlpha

Senior Member
Enjoyable read. Fun little story that is very pleasant to read. One thing is that, as bdcharles mentioned, you should learn how to properly format the text you put in. It makes it easier for the reader to digest.

Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading. Any advice on how to get the site to format? I usually just paste straight from my text editor and some information seems to be getting lost in translation, so to speak.
 

Bard_Daniel

Senior Member
Hey there wulfAlpha!

I looked up one of our guides and found this, it should help:

Posting Guide

I've found this section and I think it applies. It deals with Microsoft Word:

If you work in Microsoft Word, the proprietary .doc format contains embedded formatting that will freak out the forum's html based software when copy/pasted. You will also lose all of your indentations before paragraphs, resulting in a solid block of hard to read text rife with weird symbols.

While it's fine to work in .doc format (and many online markets accept it for submissions), before posting to WF you'll need to save as an .rtf or txt file. The first thing to do is make all paragraphs flush on the left edge of the page, and seperate them from each other by a single space.

You'll then need to translate your formatting (italics, bold, etc.) into html code. Thankfully, html code is simple, and the forum software handily allows you a window to highlight and button press it into existence.

This should really only take you a few minutes, unless your formatting is really extensive. If you plan on posting to WF a lot, you may want to start originating your files in .rtf or txt and adding the html code as you go. As I said, it's really very simple and easy to learn.


If this does not help let me know and I'll direct you to someone more tech-savvy.
 
Last edited:

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
Ok i tried to fix it. Are there tags that aid in better formatting? it doesn't seem to like just being pasted from a text editor

I don't know about tags. You can try the "go advanced" button in the edit. But here's how I'd have done it (manually :) ):





Cnaerafon the chief terror of the west, lord of fire, Demon of the skies, the Wickedest Wyrm, and holder of other grandiose titles was hiding. Hiding in his own castle as if he was the one in danger and not his involuntary "guest". He lifted his serpentine head above his table barricade.

"I say princess," he said, before he had to duck again, "any chance you would be so kind as to spare the good china?" He ducked just in time as his best Oriental style china tea set smashed into the wall just feet behind him. "I guess not," the dragon said with a martyred sigh and covered his head with his wings.

Then everything went quiet. "What is she up to now?" the dragon thought frantically. He chanced a peek above the table but kept his wings up to shield himself from whatever improvised missiles the "Princess" dared to throw at him. Then he heard an almighty crash. The castle shook. "How does a tiny princess get into this much trouble?" Cnaerafon asked himself incredulously. He bounded fully up to see what had happened and for his troubles got his second-best tea set right in the face.

"Stay back, you fiend!" the princess said shrilly. She looked a right mess. She had managed to get into the larder and somehow torn her skirt almost all the way up her thigh. Her dress was stained, and despite all this, the young woman still managed to look pretty, even while being absolutely furious. "You take me away from my own wedding," she yelled, punctuating her sentences with improvised missiles made of china, "don't even have a single servant, and not a single thing to eat in your larder!"

At this rate she will soon have to start throwing silverware, he thought inanely.

Then the worst happened - the princess snapped Cnaerafon's reading spectacles in half.

"Enough!" Cnaerafon roared, "I've been nothing but the soul of civility!" He advanced a step. "I made sure you were comfortable!" Another step. "I even graciously let you have your own room in the tallest tower!" And then one more step.

Then the princess begins to cry, And not the pretty kind of crying.

Cnaerafon sighed. "What's the matter princess?" he asked.

"It's just that I would have expected my knight to come and save me by now" the princess said through her tears.

Cnaerafon chuckled. "Is that why you insist on that ridiculous disguise?"

The princess gave him an arch look and then after deciding that the dragon wasn't bluffing dropped her "Princess" disguise and revealed the tall gracefuly pale beauty of her true form. "What gave it away?" The ice queen asked with a single fine eyebrow raised.

"Dragons aren't easily fooled," Cnaerafon harrumphed and after a moment, added, "and only one woman would have the sheer nerve to try and rout a dragon."

"Foiled again," the Ice queen cackled. She gave the hand gesture for a touch in fencing before she disappeared in a cloud of white mist. Once again Cnaerafon sighed as he looked around at the mess all over his once pristine cave. Once more he had saved the neighboring kingdom and a certain knight from the clutches of the "Princess", and for his troubles he got all his china smashed and even lost his glasses to boot. He'd have to up his price after this - there was no way this was worth only one room of books.
 

wulfAlpha

Senior Member
Hey there wulfAlpha!

I looked up one of our guides and found this, it should help:

Posting Guide

I've found this section and I think it applies. It deals with Microsoft Word:

If you work in Microsoft Word, the proprietary .doc format contains embedded formatting that will freak out the forum's HTML-based software when copy/pasted. You will also lose all of your indentations before paragraphs, resulting in a solid block of hard to read text rife with weird symbols.

While it's fine to work in .doc format (and many online markets accept it for submissions), before posting to WF you'll need to save as a .rtf or txt file. The first thing to do is make all paragraphs flush on the left edge of the page, and separate them from each other by a single space.

You'll then need to translate your formatting (italics, bold, etc.) into HTML code. Thankfully, HTML code is simple, and the forum software handily allows you a window to highlight and button press it into existence.

This should really only take you a few minutes, unless your formatting is really extensive. If you plan on posting to WF a lot, you may want to start originating your files in .rtf or txt and adding the HTML code as you go. As I said, it's really very simple and easy to learn.


If this does not help let me know and I'll direct you to someone more tech-savvy.
I See. Next time I'll try turning it into an RTF before copying and pasting it. Thanks!
 

wulfAlpha

Senior Member
So I made the changes that you suggested and tried copy and pasting from .rtf format instead of using a .doc to import. Let me know if it is better.
 

wulfAlpha

Senior Member
Much more readable, yep. The comma/dialogue tagging issues are still there though :)

Darn. For some reason the chrome plugin I use keeps putting the commas back in. Thanks a lot gramerly. I'll fix it later


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Elona

Member
Oh wow, wulfAlpha! I loved the twist at the end. Your characterization of the dragon really appealed to me; it's such a unique twist on the genre. I got the sense that he has an interesting story beyond this piece and a life of his own so well done! There are some grammatical errors, but those can be fixed up easily.

This next remark could be a matter of preference, so please take my comments with a bucket of salt, haha. You began a lot of sentences with the word 'Then.' It pulled me out of the narrative and reminded me I was reading something. Sometimes it comes across redundant and pulled me out of the action which isn't a good thing unless that was your intention. I don't know how to quote it directly from your post but for example, you wrote:

Then everything went quiet. [and later in the same paragraph] Then he heard an almighty crash. [And a paragraph later:] Then the worst happened. [And a paragraph later] And then one more step. . . . Then the princess begins to cry, etc. [there are others, but you get the point.]


'Everything went quiet' and 'he heard an almighty crash' are more immediate, but this could just be my personal preference. I'm not saying never use 'then', but be aware of how often it's used in the same structure and that it's a word that can halt the reader if you're not careful.

Other than that tendency, you've got a nice variety of sentence structure and the pacing works well. You've shown an intriguing day in the life of
Caernarfon, so thank you! It was a pleasure to read. :)
 
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