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Don and Rafael First Draft (1 Viewer)

Lizzie Brookes

Senior Member
Hi,

I have written a new story. I hope you will enjoy it. All critique is welcome.

Parohumans: Humanoids descended from parrots.



[FONT=&Verdana]16. Don and Rafael


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Ozzi,


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[FONT=&Verdana]I hope that you and Meira are doing well. I am writing to let you know that Tikva gave me a son a few days ago. We have decided to name him Don Bezalel. We had a Mikvah at the synagogue to celebrate his birth. As you can imagine, it’s incredibly hot and dry here right now. At some point, I want to go up into the mountains and explore the forests; we have cork, evergreen and deciduous oaks here, as well as fir and cedar higher up.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Take care,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your friend Adir.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Abba and Eema,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Now that I have graduated college, I have a great desire to travel but I will always write to you and I will visit when I can.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your affectionate son,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Don.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Aakar,


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While a part of me can’t help missing Maskana with its synagogues, gurdwaras, forests and birds, I have now immersed myself in the study of music. The music here is different from the Taus, Dilruba, [FONT=&Verdana]and Esraj in the gurdwaras, but I enjoy it nonetheless. The people here tend to believe in meaningful sound, but I want to step outside conventional boundaries. I hope that you and Suki are well. Please write and let me know what is happening in Maskana. Have the rains come yet?


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your affectionate friend,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Don.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Jett,


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[FONT=&Verdana]I must admit, even though I am Jewish by origin, I can’t help finding Zen Buddhism fascinating, especially, its connection to music. All kinds of sounds are potentially musical, so I think everyone should take note of everything sonic rather than just those elements which have been selected by a composer. You know, the eastern philosophies suggest that everything that makes up music must be seen as part of a single natural process. Please write and let me know what is happening with you.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your affectionate friend,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Don.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Don,


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[FONT=&Verdana]I can’t blame you for being stressed. After all, both you and Rafael come from Maskana and Maskana is homophobic but try not to worry too much. After all you both live here now, and you must hold out hope that one day people will understand that believing in God has nothing to do with falling in love with someone of the same gender. Sure, you can’t conceive children but that doesn’t matter. Relationships are about love, sharing and commitment. Gone are the days when men and women were expected to share land, form alliances and produce male heirs. Time has moved on since then.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Rafael sounds like an amazing man and I’m glad you met him. I can’t believe he began to study dance when he was only twelve. I’m almost envious as I can only ever do dance as a hobby. I lack the talent and specific genetic make up to pursue it professionally but then you can’t have everything in life. You two sound so similar with the pursuit of pure movement and choreography by chance. Please tell me more about it. I could soak it all in as I love dance. Take care and if you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to write.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your affectionate friend,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Jett.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Rafael,


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[FONT=&Verdana]The rain finally came. It is beautifully cool. I wonder how long it will last. It was marvellous because it started suddenly and then was alternately terrific and gentle. I think of you all the time. My first feeling about the rain was that it was like you. Your spirit is with me.


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[FONT=&Verdana]With all my love,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Don.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Don,


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[FONT=&Verdana]I have enclosed here, the following poem;


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As leaf with tree, I long to be With you. A twig connection If no other, would satisfy.
[FONT=&Verdana]If leaf dies, Spring will mystify The Winter. No death for tree: Leaf adorned, ’twill live in ev’ry section.


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[FONT=&Verdana]I love you and often think of fancy reasons why: spirit is very close to me and mine, I sent it, close to you. I just want to run up and down the sea coast looking for you.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Love,

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[FONT=&Verdana]Rafael.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Rafael,


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[FONT=&Verdana]The country is beautiful; daisies and a jungle of tiger lilies, as well as all these lakes and canoes. Lying on the grass, I can sometimes see the trees against the sky. I could tell how distinctly happy you would be here. I love watching the bird movements.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Love from,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Don.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Don,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your last letter is so beautiful I cannot answer it, only read it.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Love,

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[FONT=&Verdana]Raphael.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Don,


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[FONT=&Verdana]I think your idea of a piece in which the performer or performers remain utterly silent onstage for a certain time is so beautiful. Congratulations on publishing Silence: Lectures and Writings. It was an amazing read. I also enjoyed the abstract dances Raphael created; how he immersed himself in the Dadaist, surrealist and existential. I’m heartbroken that he developed arthritis and that this disrupted his dancing, but you can’t deny your partner is resourceful; creating DanceForms to explore new choreographic possibilities. I must admit I admire his spirit, passion and determination.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Please write again soon.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Take care,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your affectionate friend,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Jett.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Dear Willow,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Marianne, the goddess of Liberty and Equality materialised before me. She gave me permission to publish Don and Raphael’s love letters in a book and told me that upon death, they both went to Empyrean. I’m so glad. Besides being my good friends one was an amazing dancer and the other a splendid musician. They will be well remembered, in Zesmia at least if not Maskana.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Take care,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Your affectionate friend,


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[FONT=&Verdana]Jett.


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[FONT=&Verdana]Note: The letters between Don and Raphael are made up of extracts from the real life love letters between John Cage and Merce Cunningham.


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bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
I actually quite like this. It is beautifully written. I've just read Piranesi and it's not so much epistolary as diary-based, but it has the same feel. Just let some context flood in and see if you can build a narrative arc out of it all.
 

Lizzie Brookes

Senior Member
Thanks - I'm glad you enjoyed it. How do I add more context? Do you want me to write more letters? I thought the letters I wrote sort of conveyed the story beginning to end?
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
Thanks - I'm glad you enjoyed it. How do I add more context? Do you want me to write more letters? I thought the letters I wrote sort of conveyed the story beginning to end?

They convey a wonderful series of relationships in a very gentle manner. I like the characters and their relationships; they seem intelligent and sophisticated as a group. I am simply curious as to what happens next.
 

Lizzie Brookes

Senior Member
They convey a wonderful series of relationships in a very gentle manner. I like the characters and their relationships; they seem intelligent and sophisticated as a group. I am simply curious as to what happens next.

Well, Don and Raphael died and went to Empyrean and since they died of old age, their parents and friends would have died too.
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
Well, Don and Raphael died and went to Empyrean and since they died of old age, their parents and friends would have died too.

Right, but before that. What was the outcome of these letters? Did their content or their relationships change in any way?
 

Lizzie Brookes

Senior Member
Right, but before that. What was the outcome of these letters? Did their content or their relationships change in any way?

I'll have to think about that. Don and Raphael are modelled on John Cage and Merce Cunningham - I read their biographies but fictionalised them, made them Jewish and imagined what would have happened if the Jews and Sikhs had been in Morocco instead of the Christians and Muslims. I also used the real life love letters between John Cage and Merce Cunningham but made up the other letters based on their individual biographies. I'll need to do more research to make more letters but I guess the switch from their love letters to their deaths is quite abrupt. Thanks for replying. I was worried nobody liked this one.
 
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bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
I'll have to think abut that. Don and Raphael are modelled on John Cage and Merce Cunningham - I read their biographies but fictionalised them, made them Jewish and imagined what would have happened if the Jews and Sikhs had been in Morocco instead of the Christians and Muslims. I also used the real life love letters between John Cage and Merce Cunningham but made up the other letters based on their individual biographies. I'll need to do more research to make more letters but I guess the switch from their love letters to their deaths is quite abrupt. Thanks for replying. I was worried nobody liked this one.

No it's good and very well-written. But yeah, see what more you can do with it. Though I must admit, I don't know who John Cage (the composer?) or Merce Cunningham are.
 

Lizzie Brookes

Senior Member
No it's good and very well-written. But yeah, see what more you can do with it. Though I must admit, I don't know who John Cage (the composer?) or Merce Cunningham are.

John Cage was an American composer and Merce Cunningham was an American dancer and choreographer. They were also lovers. I myself did not know of their existence until I researched them.
 
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