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Dominoes in the Sand (Part 6 of an adult journey) (1 Viewer)


Senior Member
They both slept the whole day, Cyndi waking up to go to school.

“Hey, Jen” Cyndi said walking across the living room in jean shorts and an airy cotton blouse.
“There you are, again, really?” Jenny said.
“Oh, shit!” Cyndi said putting her hand to her head, holding a white sweater. I am...very...sorry. I was being consumed. I hope the day comes that I can tell you about last night but for now suffice to say I have never experience anything like it and can’t imagine it happening again.”
“Wow. OK. You’re good, though” Jenny said.
“Splendid.” Cyndi said.
“Then I’m fine, but a PHONE CALL would be nice..” Jenny said as she left the room.
“Going to class, be back by eight.” Cyndi yelled to her sister in her room..
“Food’ll be in the fridge!” Jenny shouted.
Cyndi checked herself at the door, making sure that she has everything and is ready. She shook her keys then opened the door. She gasped loudly.
“What’s wrong?” Jenny asked. Cyndi stood in the doorway holding her hand over her mouth. Jenny ran over to her and looked where Cyndi’s eyes were focused.
“They’re beautiful, is this your guy? Holy cow there’s a lot.” Jenny said. “ Let’s get them inside.” Jenny opened the screen door and grabbed a vase or two. Cyndi stood teary eyed.
“Do you buy one, two, three dozen long stem red roses for somebody you only like.” Cyndi asked counting with her finger.
“I think you know the answer and just want to get support. Looks like love, to me. BE NICE TO IT!” Jenny said.

“Oh, you are so far off. I know someday I won’t feel like this and may even dislike him, but that day is not here. Today, we have something incredible going on. Everything is mutual. We try to outdo each other, in fact. I’ve had love for somebody but this is the first time I feel IN love. Like, it’s all around me and then I get together with Dillon and both of us, together, are flammable. Out in public, people maintain their distance but don’t know why they’re doing it.”
“OK, I wanna’meet him.” Jenny said.
“You will, maybe I’ll have him over next time, which will be soon.” Cyndi said. “But I have class, how do I look?”
“Girl, please.” Jenny said.
“No, seriously, if you don’t tell me, someone not as nice as you will.” Cyndi said.
“You look good, you’re glowing.”Jenny said.
“He told me that, too!” Cyndi said. “I gotta go.” Cindy walked to her car holding her sweater and hair still dripping from the shower. “Thank you, Jen!”
Cyndi waited for two days before contacting Dillon. She tap danced around the phone like it was a painful vaccination. She wanted to talk to him, and now she was playing the call him, don’t call him game. She was in love. But it had a different feeling, it felt like it had always been. Like it was the final piece to a cosmic jig-saw puzzle revealing a complete picture of life
“ Hello, love.” Dillon said.
“Hi, baby.” Cyndi said.”You know what red roses mean, right?”
“Of course, I‘m aware of every message I send you. How goes it?” Dillon asked.
“A little sore...my butt muscles hurt a little bit.” Cyndi said. “I may start calling you ‘Casanova’.”
“And I won’t respond, those two beautiful bubbles of flesh, no way.” Dillon said.
“Yes, way.” Cyndi said.
“I’m sorry, I think.” Dillon said. “I can make them feel better.”
“That’s how I got into this situation.” Cyndi said.
“No, I’m serious.” Dillon said. “But it might lead to something else, possibly.”
“Possibly? I’d say most likely, knowing the appetites of each of us.” Cyndi said. “Listen, my sister needs to meet you.”
“Needs?” Dillon asked.
“Yeah, I want her to know you.” Cyndi said.
“OK, I don’t see a problem with that.” Dillon said.. “When? Where?”
“Tonight? My house. I’ll pick you up at five. Sound good? Don’t ruin your appetite.” Cyndi said.
“OK, great, yes, I won’t.That’s a lot of questions in one sentence.” Dillon said. “If I come you have to let me work on that butt.”
“Ooh, OK, I’ll let you.” Cyndi said. “But it might lead somewhere.”
“Worse things have happened.” Dillon said.
“Every time we get down with each other, I need to sleep afterward .” Cyndi sad.
“Is that so bad?” Dillon asked.
“No, but I need to consider that when I want you, or you, me. There are some times that it just isn’t convenient. On days that I have class I need to stay away from you” Cyndi said.
“You’re serious.” Dillon said.
“Not exactly, but you got my point?” Cyndi asked.
“I could just be easier on you.” Dillon said.
“No! You can’t. Doing anything is enough. I’m sure I’ll get better with practice, though.” Cyndi said.
“Yeah, I’ve heard practice makes perfect, or something.” Dillon said playing along.
“Ya’ know I care about you beyond the flesh, but the lust factor is like eleven and a half. My mouth waters when I think about you. The thought of you triggers a biological response in me, well technically, two, THAT’S crazy!” Cyndi said.
“Being a man, my biological response is obvious, but what you can’t see is how strong I feel about us as a team. You can lead, I’ll advise, or whatever incarnation of that feels right to you. I just want to be together.” Dillon said.
“We are, now, and that’s where it’s at.” Cyndi said.
“Exactly.” Dillon said.
“See you at five.” Cyndi said.
“I’ll be here.” Dillon said.

They didn’t put unrealistic expectations on their relationship, like ‘we’re gonna’ be together forever’. They both knew that was probably a dream, at best. And neither was at a point of even considering that right now. That’s why their relationship was so sweet, because both understood the elusive nature of love. And they had caught it, in a butterfly net the shape of a heart. They were feeling grateful for each other, on top of the mountain, LIVING finally.

Dillon didn’t know what to wear. He decided on casual. New jeans, a button down long sleeve linen shirt and a black blazer with blue hues. He was nervous meeting more people in Cynthia’s life. The day was one that he had to give himself two injections. Testoterone was bi-weekly and with a wide gauge needle, that Dillon detested but the other was Human Growth Hormone, a thin needle that he barely felt. He had a feeling of triumph over the disease. Cynthia gave him strength and he didn’t feel beneath it anymore. That was positively a first. Cyndi’s camaro rumbled outside of Dillon’s apartment. He heard and two squirts of cologne later he was walking down the stairs and he saw Cynthia wearing a blue skirt and her hair pinned up, standing in front of her car. The setting sun reflected desperately off the chrome casting a hot orange ray into Cyndi’s eyes that she blocked with her left hand. She was an oasis in the desert and Dillon was getting thirsty.

“Can I help you ma’am?” Dillon said.
“Yeah, I’m looking for a man.” Cyndi said. “A particular one. But I only know him by his kiss.”
“Did it feel like this?” and Dillon wrapped her up with arms and lips.
“My, oh my! I do believe you are the one.” Cyndi said “You need to come with me.”
“OK, pretty lady.” Dillon said.
“Aww, what a doll, do you like dessert?” Cyndi said “'Cause I have a treat at home waiting for a boy like you. “
“I was told not to talk to strangers.” Dillon said.
“Then let’s get acquainted.” Cyndi said.“In my car.”
“Alright, I’ll trust you.” Dillon said.”But walk in front of me, please.”
“What for?” Cyndi asked with a knowing tone.
“Because I wanna’ look at your butt, lady!” Dillon said.
“You’re a naughty boy, aren’t you. Cyndi said. as she started walking.
“Only around you, I am...Wow! What an ass! Sorry, I don’t get out much.” Dillon said following.
Laughing, “OK, but you have to be good.” Cyndi said.’
“And what’s the punishment if I’m not?” Dillon asked.
“No dessert!” Cyndi said.
“OK, OK, no need to act crazy.” Dillon said. “But I think I’m gonna’ have to investigate your butt.” Dillon said getting in the car.
“Why’s that? Not that I mind.” Cyndi said.
“Silicon.” Dillon said.
“Bite your tongue, mister” Cyndi said.”This is one hundred percent pure Latina.” Cyndi said grabbing her butt.
“Thought so.” Dillon said as Cyndi started the car and pulled away with the windows down. She did that purposely so their conversation would remain clear and she could give it all her attention, when they stopped. Dillon left things up to Cyndi while in her car.
They arrived at Cyndi and Jenny’s house and Cyndi started talking to him while still in the car.
“My sister is five years older than me, her name is Jennifer but you can call her Jenny. She doesn’t drink or do drugs. She’s a responsible adult...if I ever get like that please kill me...
I’m kidding.” Cyndi said.
“Duh! I know you better than that.” Dillon said.
“Yes, you do. Don’t forget it..” Cyndi said.
“I cannot wait to meet her. I’m glad she’s an adult because two juveniles in the same house would make be INSANE.” Dillon said.
“Alright, c’mon” Cyndi said then led Dillon into the house.”Jen! we’re here.” she yelled to her sister in her bedroom.
“Coming, just a sec!” Jenny said catching her breath.
“Have a seat.” Cyndi said.
“Thank you.”Dillon said.
“Oh, you’re welcome here. You’ll have to meet Jenny’s guy, his name is John.” Cyndi said.
“Hi...Dillon, right?” Jenny asked while standing up from pulling her shoe on while hopping out to the livingroom.
“Yes, you must be Jenny.” Dillon said and extended his hand.
“I am...So, this is the magic man.” Jenny said then with, perfect posture and a full length orange dress, looked at Cyndi and shook Dillon’s hand.

“Yes, it is.” Cyndi came up from behind Dillon and wrapped her arms around his his waist.
“I’ve heard so much about you. My sister’s very happy, I thank you.” Jenny said.
“No need for that, she does the same for me. Thanks for having me, it smells great in here.” Dillon said.
“Well, I’m bar-b-queuing carne asada for tacos, I have steaks if you’d rather...” Jenny said
“No, tacos are fine. Can I help in the kitchen?” Dillon asked.
“You don’t need to come over here and work.” Jenny said.
“What if I want to help? Let me grate some cheese, you must need that.” Dillon said.
“Already done, but Thank you.” Jenny said.
“C’mon Dillon,” Cyndi said while coming out of her room. “let’s go to the backyard.”
“Alright, I’ll talk to you more, later.” Dillon said to Jenny. then had his hand grabbed by Cyndi and pulled toward her.
“Alright, Dillon.” Jenny said and then Dillon was guided into the backyard. The yard was small-ish and had a patio of concrete then green grass thirty yards out to a cinder block wall on the other side of which lied another subsection of suburbia.. The grill was on the grass and the coals were ready. Jenny came outside with a plate of meat and laid the it over the coals like a pro.
“I take it you can cook.” Dillon said to Jenny.
“We’re Latina’s, it’s what we do!” Cyndi said. “But don’t start expecting anything.”
“Ahh, c’mon, I need to eat and I can’t cook to save my life.” Dillon joked.
“You look pretty healthy to me.” Cyndi said.
“She’s got you there.” Jenny said.
“OK, I can take care of myself.” Dillon said.
“I’d say so.” Cyndi said.
“Hey, where are the flowers, they couldn’t be dead by now.” Dillon asked.
“You’ll see them later.
“OK.” Dillon trusted Cyndi and kind of liked her curious nature, “OH! OK.”
“It doesn’t need to be a secret.” Cyndi said as Jenny turned the meat on the grill then went into her bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
“Want one?” Jenny was motioning toward Dillon. He looked at Cyndi who was reaching for the pack and getting herself one.
“No, I’m OK.” Dillon said. “”Well if Cyndi is, maybe I should, don’t want to kiss an ashtray unless I’m smoking, too. But I would anyway, who am I kidding?“
“Right!” Jenny said. “So, you like my sister?”
“Well...umm...screw it! It’s grown past like, for me.” Dillon said and wrapped his arm around Cyndi and looked down at her, “I’ve already given you enough tools to sink me...I love your sister!” He said toward Jenny and looked up preparing to cringe, but it wasn’t necessary.
“So, I can finally say it? You took all the risk.” Cyndi said to Dillon. “ Now what do you think?” Cyndi asked and looked toward Jenny.
“That was romantic, Dillon. I don’t need to tell you not to hurt my sister, right.” Jenny gave the obligatory warning.
“No, absolutely not.”. Dillon said.
“Alright, lovebirds, time to eat.” Jenny said as she removed the meat from the simmering coals.
“That cigarette made me dizzy.” Dillon said.
“Me, too, let’s have some food.” Cyndi said.

They ate dinner at the same table together and Jenny had fun getting to know Dillon without feeling the need to interrogate him. After dinner Jenny left to go to John’s house for the night to work on their “project”. Cyndi and Dillon retreated to her room where Dillon found the roses. She had gotten every vase in the house and put some roses in it, then spread the vases about the the room. Upon entering, Dillon felt that he had walked through a vail of rose water. And then sandalwood incense directed his motivation. Cyndi asked Dillon for a massage and laid down on her bed. Dillon answered his lover with willing hands on her shoulders. Told to move lower, Dillon worked his way down her smooth back to her one hundred percent pure Latina buttocks and stalled, kneading the sore muscles and getting deep moans and groans of relief, in return. He was pleasing a woman brave enough to be with him. That not something he found everyday. There isn’t much he wouldn’t do for her.

Dillon was driven home by Cyndi and they had not set a next date. They were both emotionally winded and drowned in affection. Cyndi returned to her sister and Dillon returned to an empty apartment. Dillon was getting tired of this. Dillon thrived within a relationship and it had been so long, he handled it with care.

Having some time alone, Dillon took care of necessary business. That included going to the Department of Water and Power to settle up an overcharge and hitting the grocery store. The grocery store was always a welcoming place, for Dillon, but he never expected to run into the woman his heart yearned for just a month earlier. He rounded the corner leading to the produce section and spotted the tall body of the Nurse that he’s never seen in casual clothes.
“Dillon?! Is that you?” the Nurse asked as she turned to face Dillon.
“Yep, it’s me. Wow! You look great. I mean, it doesn’t surprise me, I just have never seen you outside of scrubs.” Dillon said.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m well, and you?” Dillon said. “Ya’ know I’m ashamed that I never got your name.”
“Well, I’m better now and my name is Michelle. What’cha up to?” Michelle asked.
“Just taking care of loose ends.” Dillon said.
“Look, I know you don’t drive, could I give you a ride home?” Michelle asked. Dillon’s cart was almost too full to carry home. Accepting her help was just logical.
“That would be great, I think I have already filled the cart with more than I can carry.” Dillon said. “A ride would be nice, thank you.”
“How much more do you have to get?” Michelle asked.
“I’m just about done.” Dillon said as he spun a bag of peaches in his hand.
“Me, too.” Michelle said. Dillon followed Michelle through the produce section while she gathered various vegetables and fruits then declared, “I’m done, let’s get out of here.”
“Sounds good to me. Let’s blow this taco stand.” Dillon said.
“Eager, are we?” Michelle said, laughing, “Alright, then.” They waited in line, together and left, together.
“I’ll guess your car, watch.” Dillon said then put his first two fingers to his temple and closed his eyes, still walking out to the parking lot. “You own a sensible, but undercover sexy, Mercedes. Dunno anything about models.”
“How much do you think I make?” Michelle said, “I drive a Mitsubishi, not Mercedes, and I think it’s cute, here it is, the royal blue.”
“I think it’s cute, too, and sporty, love the color.” Dillon said. Michelle opened the trunk and Dillon loaded the groceries from both carts.
“You’re a lot stronger than when I saw you last.” Michelle said as she opened her door and got in the car.
“I’m upright, that’s an improvement.”Dillon said.
“And you’ve gotten some color, I mean.” Michelle said.
“Yeah, I spent some time at the beach.” Dillon said.
“It serves you well.” Michelle said.
“Ya’ know I had a crush on you and wanted to kick my own ass for not talking to you more. The way you left hurt and I think you know what I mean.” Dillon said.
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you more but you were unavailable, then I wanted you to know that you had missed out on something good.” Michelle said.

“I considered you out of my league, I remember one time you were reaching for something above your head and your back was turned toward me. I was checking out your butt and you turned your head and caught me. You smiled but I never in a million years would have thought that a moment like this could have ever been possible.” Dillon said. All the euphoria of a validated crush flooded his heart and it stuttered. The wound of her walking away had not yet healed but no longer hurt. “I thought I’d never find you. Turn left here.”

“ You are handling some tough issues. Most men I know have superficial problems they bitch about too much.” Michelle said.
“Oh, I would like to bitch but I cannot stoop down that low, I’ve tried.” Dillon jests. “And with the addition of my new girlfriend, I really have nothing to bitch about.”
“A girlfriend? You’ve been out of the hospital, what, a month and you’re already attached?” Michelle said. “That’s OK, I’m not jealous.” Michelle said then nervously laughs.
“Jealous? I am flattered, in a major way, I’m here on the right, you can drop me anywhere.”
“OK, I won’t leave you like I did last time.” Michelle said and took a piece of paper and began scribbling, “Here’s my number, call me later...seriously I still want to talk to you. Let me help you with your groceries.” Michelle said and got out of the car with Dillon. They both met at the back of her car and Dillon looked Michelle up and down in her navy skirt and white button down shirt.
“You going to the office or something? That skirt flatters your hips and that white Oxford...do I really need to say anything?” Dillon said.
“You don’t need to.” Michelle said with her adorable dimples.., “Here take this.” she smiled.
“Follow me.” Dillon said as he led the way to his door. At the bottom of the stairs he waited for Michelle to go ahead of him, “ After you.”
“Is this chivalry or something else.” Michelle said with a knowing smirk.
“I’m a man but not a liar. As much as I love your dimples, I also enjoy the view from behind.” Dillon said.

“That was the most eloquent way I’ve ever been told that I had a nice ass. Usually it’s with a whistle and a drunken yell. ” Michelle said and the two walked up the stairs, Michelle in front. Dillon soaked up every second then reached the top and took over the lead. They came to his door and Dillon welcomed Michelle inside.

“C’min please.” Dillon said, being the cordial gentleman that he is.
“How can a girl resist?” Michelle said. “Did you get that on the stairs?”
“Oh, yes, you bet. I got every bounce.” Dillon said.
“Oh, I thought maybe,” Michelle said and moved close to Dillon’s back. He turned around now nearly nose to nose with Michelle, “you might want to...” And Michelle moved in for a kiss and was met halfway by an eager Dillon. Their lips met and the flowing adrenaline was like a fire hose, as hungry hands found a meal.

“I shouldn’t... “ Dillon said as he tried to pull away from Michelle but found that Michelle was just as eager as him. “No, really, I can’t” Dillon pulled away, grabbed Michelle by the shoulders. “I want to, really, you were in my mind and heart for at least a month and I
couldn’t manage a smile. My girlfriend brought me out of it.”

“Oh, OK, I wouldn’t expect a man like you to forsake another woman. I respect that, but know that I am a woman who knows what she wants and I’m kinda’ hard to stop when I get my mind set. Just to let you know.” Michelle said with a defeated sigh. Dillon had been on a fifteen year self imposed dry spell and now he had two women interested with one committed.
“I’ll keep that in mind . Thank you.” Dillon said.
“For what?” Michelle said.
“You know about status, you’ve seen me sick and yet that didn’t stop you. You can’t begin to know what that means to me.” Dillon said. “That was a point of contention, or so I thought, with my girlfriend. But she took it in stride, unbelievably, I was shocked.”
“I just follow my heart, it’s kinda’ a hard way to go but the heart wants what the heart wants, ya’ know?” Michelle said.
“Yeah, I do know.” Dillon answered. “Your butt is firm! But I expected nothing less.”
“You expected?” Michelle said and giggled.
“Forgive me, speculated.” Dillon said then also laughed. At least we can joke about it, that’s a sign of health.
“But in the back of my mind...” Michelle said.
“Yeah, me too.” Dillon said. “Ya’ know I haven’t been with a woman in fifteen years and all of a sudden I have two in my life. This is shocking my system so bad I keep expecting to wake up in a hospital bed from a coma.”
“So this girl, how does she feel about HIV?” Michelle asked.
“She has a friend who’s positive and it didn’t seem to shake her a bit, I was watching her eyes. But it still took a little convincing for me to trust a condom, ‘cause they aren’t guaranteed.”
“But you went there.” Michelle asked.
“I did, and it was something spiritual. It changed the glasses through which I look at the world. ” Dillon said.
“Good for you. That must have been torture, being a man. That’s a lot of thoughts to repress, everyday. She’s tough isn’t she?” Michelle said.
“Yes, as a matter of fact she is, how’d you know?” Dillon asked.
“A woman knows, matters of the heart. You need someone strong enough to be on the same team as you.” Michelle said.
“The union of two people creates a third being, the relationship takes on it’s own personality.” Dillon said.
“And isn’t it fun getting past the lust part.” Michelle said.
“Yes, and you’re killing me...this is kinda’ cool, my girlfriend’s short. And you are so...” Dillon said and sniffed around Michelle’s ear then dove into her feminine neck planting his lips on porcelain skin. She sighed with pleasure.
“Is it OK, now?” Michelle said, drunk with lust.
“No, no.” Dillon said catching his breath. “Shit! Shit! Shit!. This is wrong but FEELS SO RIGHT! Damn it!” He wrapped his arms around Michelle and gave her a deep and long kiss. “If I did this I would not be a gentleman and couldn’t look myself in the mirror, besides what it would do to my relationship.”
“You ARE the man I thought you were. It just makes me want you more, but I will stop ‘cause I can tell you want it too.” Michelle said.
“You have no idea.” Dillon said.
“Oh, I think I do.” Michelle said.
“Then maybe we should put some physical space between us.” Dillon said. “But I would like to stay in contact. We could talk nasty on the phone to each other.”
Laughing,“Please stay in contact, a girl can always use a gentleman’s opinion. And you kiss like it’s your first and last.”Michelle said.
“What, sloppy and long?” Dillon said.
“No, gentle and sweet.” Michelle said.
“Alright, call me when you get home.” Dillon said.
“Will do.” Michelle said then put her index finger on Dillon’s lips. “You make me want to be bad.” And walked away.
“I do what I can!” Dillon said

Dillon closed the door, not bothering with the dead-bolt. He wiped the sweat from his brow and began stripping down, letting clothes fall where he stood. A cold shower brought him back to reality. Feeling a shade of guilt he called his blooming love, Cynthia, to feel the familiar buzz of her voice. She reinforced his heart strings with cables of desire.

Terry D

Retired Supervisor
The sentence structure is a bit choppy, and the dialogue is rather stilted. Punctuation of the dialogue is all over the place. A sentence like: "Just taking care of loose ends." Dylan said. Should have a comma after 'ends' rather than a full stop. Also, there are many, many places where a period comes at the end of a question.

The story itself is well paced, but could be better structured; readers tend to dislike large blocks of straight dialogue without some narration, or 'stage direction' tossed in. Using all caps indicates yelling (just as in email) and should be avoided in almost all cases. There's not much movement in the story and very little to make me want to read on. It's just sort of a snapshot.


Senior Member
The sentence structure is a bit choppy, and the dialogue is rather stilted. Punctuation of the dialogue is all over the place. A sentence like: "Just taking care of loose ends." Dylan said. Should have a comma after 'ends' rather than a full stop. Also, there are many, many places where a period comes at the end of a question.

The story itself is well paced, but could be better structured; readers tend to dislike large blocks of straight dialogue without some narration, or 'stage direction' tossed in. Using all caps indicates yelling (just as in email) and should be avoided in almost all cases. There's not much movement in the story and very little to make me want to read on. It's just sort of a snapshot.
Thank you for your time giving me an, obviously generous, critique. Helpful, constructive, truthful, response. And it is a snapshot. That is why I wrote "Part 6". These stories were in the breeze and I regret that I could not do them justice.


Senior Member
Hi gokedik, I have to agree with Terry "The sentence structure is a bit choppy, and the dialogue is rather stilted. Punctuation of the dialogue is all over the place".

have you considered pre-empting the speech?

A quick example:

“My pleasure Hun!” said Melanie holding her glass as high above her head as possible.

Instead I would write it like this,

Melanie held her glass above her head as high as she could, “my pleasure Hun!”

You’re leading the reader to the statement as if they are witnessing the conversation rather than telling it. The actual speech is inferred to be Melanie rather than you actually telling the reader it is. Also the writer is creating an atmosphere for the coming statement rather than reading the statement first and then laying down the context. The actions of the charater can dictate the tone, without needing to tell the reader. It doesn’t work for all conversations but it’s a tool that creates more interest in it.

Also you don’t always have to qualify speech with a He said, she said statement. If there is a natural flow to a well written conversation between two people, the reader will subliminally fill in the blanks for you.