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Does this make grammatical sense? (1 Viewer)

mr. ramstad

Senior Member
"Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

Also, should it be "in" or "through"?
 

TheMightyAz

Staff member
Mentor
"Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

Also, should it be "in" or "through"?

I'd change it to 'doorway'. Either 'in' or 'through' would be right. Consider the movement of the associated words though. He's 'stood' not moving so 'in' works fine. If he was moving then I'd use 'through'. I don't see anything wrong other than that though. It looks fine to me, taking your style into consideration.
 

Matchu

Senior Member
I liked it.

ORIGINAL: "
Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

you can always do this, see if it works, cut the 'run-up' of draft.:

Christa stood still halfway in the door. another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's. too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence
 

JBF

Staff member
Global Moderator
"Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

Also, should it be "in" or "through"?

Stylistically fine (from a self-professed stylistic butcher).

Two items: prattlings shouldn't be possessive, and you could safely omit the bolded.
 

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
No, it doesn't make sense - at least not in my dialect. "Halfway through the doorway" would probably be better than "half in the door", though both sound slightly clumsy, and the repetition of -way doesn't sound so great. I suggest writing around it. Of course, if Christa is a woodworm beetle it might work to situate her halfway through the door.

Mothers takes an apostrophe (Mother's) because the prattlings belong to her.

Prattling's must have the apostrophe dropped because the word is a plural and nothing belongs to them.

I'm not so certain of the next part but "She had been outed" looks likes a change of tense from simple past tense to pluperfect (also known as past perfect). Although such a change is often frowned upon, you may have your reasons. Pluperfect tends to distance an event more than the simple past tense. "She was outed" would be a more natural way to follow on from your previous writing.

EDIT: Although not grammatically wrong, I suggest changing "but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now" by dropping *for her" so it reads "but it was too late to feign ignorance of her presence now". It feels tighter and context retains the meaning.

SECOND EDIT: You might be able to drop "now" at the end as well.
 
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