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Does it make sense to say memories are wrapped, enveloped,... in something? (1 Viewer)

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alpacinoutd

Senior Member
Does it make sense to say memories are wrapped, enveloped,... in something?

Are these sentences okay?

1. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, enveloped in a haze surfaced in her mind.

2. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in bitterness, came flooding back.

3. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in jealousy broke into her thoughts.

4. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, shrouded in a vague bitterness, came back.

5. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, tinged with a riot of conflicting emotions bubbled up.

6. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, cloaked in resentment, overwhelmed her.
 

Matchu

Senior Member
They are quite nice sentences. You can always introduce a pronoun here & there, preposition or a conjunction.

Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days [past]. Later that afternoon [e.g: sat on a chair in the kitchen], she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, enveloped in a haze{,} surfaced in her mind.


I think you can write reverie without the indef article:

Later that afternoon she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, cloaked in resentment, overwhelmed her...[... ....]
 

SueC

Staff member
Senior Mentor
I think they work, too, but I would eliminate the word "the" before memories. Somehow it seems to flow better to just say, ". . . stirred in her memories of the old days." I think any 'enveloping' only enhances the visuals and clarifies the emotion. Memories are often fraught with feelings that are strong and you would want to convey how your character is affected by such thoughts. Good job, I think.
 

Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
Nice work! Yes, it does, and I also like your use of the word reverie. However, I would prefer not to see the word "memories" used so close together.

Seeing her cousin at the party stirred up emotions of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in jealousy broke into her thoughts.

Seeing her cousin at the party stirred up old emotions. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in jealousy overtook her thoughts.
 

Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
It's fine. When we talk about memory we use analogy, we can't point to things and say 'That'. You have picked up on one of thembut if you look at the sentences they are full of them.

1. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, enveloped in a haze surfaced in her mind.

'Stirred', for example, they might equally have been 'Dredged up'. 'Plunged', absorbed or sunken, I am sure you can think of more yourself; and then there is 'surfaced', they didn't 'appear' or even 'manifest themselves' or 'come to the fore'. It is not really enveloped, because there are other elements than the visual in a memory, smells and sounds, but it is a good analogy for the visual element. You might be able to use that, 'As she smelled the familiar smell of the old house and heard her aunt's voice the vision became clearer and she remembered ...'
 

Terry D

Retired Supervisor
Just my opinion, but I think each sentence works better, has more power, if the 'wrapped', and 'plunged into reverie' are removed.

Later that afternoon, bitter childhood memories came flooding back.

It may sound pedantic, but the act of remembering itself makes 'plunged into reverie' redundant. As do, 'in her mind' and 'into her thoughts'. Memories only happen in our thoughts and minds. Readers don't need to be told where memories occur. The sentences you offer sound fine, they read fine, but too much additional info sucks the vibrancy out of our sentences. Again, just my opinion.
 

Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
Just my opinion, but I think each sentence works better, has more power, if the 'wrapped', and 'plunged into reverie' are removed.

Later that afternoon, bitter childhood memories came flooding back.

It may sound pedantic, but the act of remembering itself makes 'plunged into reverie' redundant. As do, 'in her mind' and 'into her thoughts'. Memories only happen in our thoughts and minds. Readers don't need to be told where memories occur. The sentences you offer sound fine, they read fine, but too much additional info sucks the vibrancy out of our sentences. Again, just my opinion.

Good point, Terry. of course it depends a bit on the overall style, it should be congruous.
 

TheMightyAz

Staff member
Mentor
Does it make sense to say memories are wrapped, enveloped,... in something?

Are these sentences okay?

1. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, enveloped in a haze surfaced in her mind.

Nice. Personally, I'd probably use 'fog' though. A haze isn't something I immediately associate with something that 'obscures'. 'Fog' is.

2. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in bitterness, came flooding back.

Nice. Great word to use.

3. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in jealousy broke into her thoughts.

Nice

4. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, shrouded in a vague bitterness, came back.

Nice. Those 'a's just bothered me a little.

5. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, tinged with a riot of conflicting emotions bubbled up.

There's conflict here between 'tinged' (a delicate, almost intangible essence) and 'riot' (an active and chaotic word)

6. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, cloaked in resentment, overwhelmed her.

Nice.

Why not use the craft thread though? I created it specifically for this reason :)
 
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Llyralen

Senior Member
IMO there needs to be work on verb-noun agreement. Actually, I'm not sure what to call it or if that is a technical term, but you want to keep the metaphor consistent and the images working in harmony. For instance you don't want to say something like "She plunged into a field of memories" for example because if you plunge into a field (even a field of memories) it visually sounds like someone or something got smashed up, and isn't a consistent metaphor between verb and noun. "Walked in a field of memories" would work. Or "plunged into a mossy pool of memories" or something fluid.

1. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, enveloped in a haze surfaced in her mind.

I would only use stirred if I was using it to refer to an image of memories that can be stirred, like memories piled up or more liquid--- you could use that here with "stirred" referring to a haze if you turn it into a haze that can be stirred. "Seeing her cousin at the party stirred a haze of jumbled memories". Or something. Then plunged into a reverie and surface can work together in something liquid, but not with an envelope in between. The biggest problem with this sentence is that multiple memories got packaged up but then surfaced in a haze. So enveloping something and then surfacing in a haze doesn't work.


2. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in bitterness, came flooding back.

This is also a problem with something being wrapped but then flooding back. There are ways to make this work if you were picturing a package that kept washing up on shore that the tide keeps bringing in, but none of this is built into this sentence right now. She is plunged and memories keep flooding back doesn't quite work for me.... but a little more work could make some good images out of this. You could say "plunged into a bitter reverie, childhood memories came in waves." I think reverie might sound like part of a liquid metaphor if you did it like that due to plunge and something liquid.

3. Seeing her cousin at the party stirred in her the memories of the old days. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, wrapped in jealousy broke into her thoughts.

I think you know what I'm going to say, we are wrapping something and then it is breaking into something. If it is breaking in, then you might want to say "sharpened by jealousy" instead.

4. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, shrouded in a vague bitterness, came back.
Shrouded and reverie might be able to work together, but we are shrouding them and then bringing them back. You could say "long shrouded in a vague bitterness, were revealed." or "unclothed" if you'd like to get a bit more personal. I would throw out plunged into a reverie for something else like I've already said.

5. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, tinged with a riot of conflicting emotions bubbled up.
A verb that coordinates with bubbled would be better than tinged. Like "foamed", but here both sentences are at least keeping memories as fluids.

6. Later that afternoon, she plunged into a reverie. Childhood memories, cloaked in resentment, overwhelmed her. Cloaked and overwhelmed is incongruent unless the memories are like ninjas or robbers or assassins, which could work, but in that case it doesn't fit with that she is plunged into a reverie.

I hope this helps. I guess it's just about choosing what images you want to use and sticking with it for the duration of when you're comparing it to memories.
 
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