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Do you want a cup of tea? (1 Viewer)

FrancisD

Senior Member
Do you want a cup of tea?
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
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Do you want a cup of tea?
All I want is relief from pain.
Would you like a biscuit?
Please take this fear away.
How about a relaxing bath?
The shame I feel shrivels me.
Are you drinking enough water?
I am wracked with guilt.
Think positive thoughts!
I want to die now.
Have you got a hobby?
Yes, sleeping.
I’ll put the kettle on.
Don’t light the gas.
Now stop being silly.
Do you take sugar?
Got any drugs?
What can we do to cheer you up?
Fuck off.
I know you don’t mean that.
How?
How what?
Do you know?
Because you’re not that sort of person,
here’s your tea.
Thanks
Now, lets talk about all this.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I’m getting a small Beckett vibe with this, I like the way in which this dialogue could easily be a two party conversation or one that someone is having with themselves. That ambiguity and the way in which it is left to interpretation is great. For me in terms of critique I would suggest separating the piece into question and answer couplets, I think if you where to really focus on capturing the essence of a conversation it would help with the ebb and flow of the piece.

Thank you, I’m excited to see this develop

Syd
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
I like this conversation style a lot. I also like the very real and point blank responses that are given. Many times, in a depressive state, this is what goes through our mind when we are asked questions like this.

For my edit, I would make sure it goes line by line. It follows the pattern of alternating lines for a while and then one line towards the end stretches onto the next line, which threw me off a bit.
Good job!

-Annie
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Do you want a cup of tea?
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
Do you want a cup of tea?
All I want is relief from pain.
Would you like a biscuit?
Please take this fear away.
How about a relaxing bath?
The shame I feel shrivels me.
Are you drinking enough water?
I am wracked with guilt.
Think positive thoughts!
I want to die now.
Have you got a hobby?
Yes, sleeping.
I’ll put the kettle on.
Don’t light the gas.
Now stop being silly.
Do you take sugar?
Got any drugs?
What can we do to cheer you up?
Fuck off.
I know you don’t mean that.
How?
How what?
Do you know?
Because you’re not that sort of person,
here’s your tea.
Thanks
Now, lets talk about all this.

I really liked it. That's what real friends do. They even go to the extent of verbal abusing before they place your cup of tea in front of you, a bit of spilling of tea is allowed, for assertion. I too feel it to be the best way, bringing the sufferer back a bit in normal mode from depressive mode and then offering all ears option.

I am calling it a natural piece with quite an impact.
Keep writing
Good luck

Ritu
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
Do you want a cup of tea?
[FONT=&Verdana]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&Verdana]
[/FONT]
Do you want a cup of tea?
All I want is relief from pain.
Would you like a biscuit?
Please take this fear away.
How about a relaxing bath?
The shame I feel shrivels me.
Are you drinking enough water?
I am wracked with guilt.
Think positive thoughts!
I want to die now.
Have you got a hobby?
Yes, sleeping.
I’ll put the kettle on.
Don’t light the gas.
Now stop being silly.
Do you take sugar?
Got any drugs?
What can we do to cheer you up?
Fuck off.
I know you don’t mean that.
How?
How what?
Do you know?
Because you’re not that sort of person,
here’s your tea.
Thanks
Now, lets talk about all this.

Hey there.

I really like this poem a lot. I like the style and how it flows. I notice that voice 1 is in italics, and voice 2, is straight font(for straight talk).

It's so real. I would love to give answers like that ...out loud. Great poem. Thank you for sharing.
 
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