Black screen; soft white light in the background; smoke rising up the screen lit up by the soft light
LYLE (V.O.)
Man, this shit is the fucking… shit…
STAN (V.O.)
I be smokin’ this shit all night… and be on a mother fuckin’ high for like… a week or some shit.
LOMAX (V.O.)
What is it with you guys and the word ‘shit’? I’d expect a couple of college guys like you to know more intelligent words than that particular one.
LYLE (V.O.)
What you mean? Like… ‘fuck’?
Lyle and Stan laugh. It becomes clear through their tone that they are all stoned.
The black screen dissolves to reveal:
INT – LYLE’S ROOM – EVENING
Three teenage boys, Lyle, Stan and Lomax, are sprawled out around Lyle’s room. On the ground between there all is a collection of scattered weed, papers and a magazine with a half torn front cover.
LOMAX
Blasphemy is a sign of disrespect to the Lord.
STAN
I don’t be doin’ no mother fuckin’ blasphemy, Lo’!
LOMAX
You sittin’ there swearin’ all the time, with all your ‘shits’ and ‘fucks’, man that’s blasphemy.
LYLE
Punk, what a crock of shit! Blasphemy is like… dissin’ the Lord himself. Swearin’ ain’t no mother fuckin’ blasphemy. Now, if I said ‘eh, fuck God, God is a bitch’, that shit is blasphemy!
LOMAX
There you go again, with your ‘shit’ and all that. Why can’t you just say ‘that’s blasphemy’? Why you gota say ‘that shit is blasphemy’?
STAN
Lo’, you be doin’ that shit too! You just all uppity-your-mother-fucking-ass cos you high!
Silence falls.
LOMAX
Man, shut up bitch, who the fuck askin’ you!?
LYLE AND STAN
You!
Silence falls again.
LOMAX
Man… I was just tryin’ to prove a point, is all. You ain’t gota shoot a playa down, y’know!?
STAN
Boy, you ain’t no mother fuckin’ playa.
LYLE
You like… a bench playa, maybe!
Lyle and Stan laugh.
LOMAX
I ain’t no bench playa!
LYLE
Oh, my bad, my bad.
STAN
Eh, you right Lo’… you ain’t no bench playa.
LOMAX
Thank you!
STAN
You more like a mother fuckin’… cheerleader!
Lyle and Stan crack up with uncontrollable laughter. Lomax struggles to his feet, almost falling over, which is received by another burst of laughter from the others.
LOMAX
Bitch, fuck you, I don’t need this shit! I can go get high with some other mother fucker.
Lomax goes to the door, opens it and steps through.
STAN
Eh, Lo’! I was just foolin’, man!
The door slams shut and we hear Lomax almost falling down the stairs.
STAN
Aaaah, shit! Man, you gota learn how to take a joke!
We hear Lomax storming up the stairs. The door bursts open and Lomax falls into the room.
LYLE
Lo’, you crazy coon what the fuck you doin’!? You almost broke my mother fuckin’ door!
Lomax leaps to his feet.
LOMAX
Your moms is back!
LYLE
Oh shit!
There is a scuffle between the three as they rush around the room hiding the weed and papers. We hear someone coming up the stairs.
LYLE’S MOM (V.O.)
Lyle?
Lyle stops rushing about for a second to shout through his open door.
LYLE
Er… yeah mom!?
LYLE MOM (V.O.)
What are you boys doing up there?
LYLE
Nothin’, mom… just being boys and shit…
Lyle bites his lip, knowing he’s done wrong swearing to his mother.
LYLE’S MOM (V.O.)
Boy, don’t be fuckin’ swearing at me!
LYLE
Sorry mom.
Behind Lyle, Stan hits Lomax full force with a pillow. Lomax is knocked across Lyle’s bed, crashing noisily through Lyle’s wardrobe door. Lyle spins on the two, instantly forgetting about his mother being well-in earshot of all that is said.
LYLE
What the fuck you guys!? First you smoke all my mother fuckin’ weed now you break my mother fuckin’ door!? You guys are a couple of fuckin’ dickless pricks!
STAN
How the fuck can we be dickless prick’s!? ‘Prick’ is another word for ‘dick’, so ‘dickless prick’ just cancelled itself out, you fuckin’ melon!
LOMAX
Guys, guys… ssshhh…
LYLE AND STAN
Shut the fuck up, Lo’!
In this time, Lyle’s mother has appeared in the doorway and has been listening to every word said.
LYLE’S MOM
What the fuck is goin’ on in my house!?
Lyle and Stan slowly turn to Lyle’s Mom.
LYLE
Oh shit… I think we’re in trouble…
Cue Music – Marilyn Manson: Disposable Teens
Fade out to:
Black screen with credit roll
LYLE (V.O.)
Man, this shit is the fucking… shit…
STAN (V.O.)
I be smokin’ this shit all night… and be on a mother fuckin’ high for like… a week or some shit.
LOMAX (V.O.)
What is it with you guys and the word ‘shit’? I’d expect a couple of college guys like you to know more intelligent words than that particular one.
LYLE (V.O.)
What you mean? Like… ‘fuck’?
Lyle and Stan laugh. It becomes clear through their tone that they are all stoned.
The black screen dissolves to reveal:
INT – LYLE’S ROOM – EVENING
Three teenage boys, Lyle, Stan and Lomax, are sprawled out around Lyle’s room. On the ground between there all is a collection of scattered weed, papers and a magazine with a half torn front cover.
LOMAX
Blasphemy is a sign of disrespect to the Lord.
STAN
I don’t be doin’ no mother fuckin’ blasphemy, Lo’!
LOMAX
You sittin’ there swearin’ all the time, with all your ‘shits’ and ‘fucks’, man that’s blasphemy.
LYLE
Punk, what a crock of shit! Blasphemy is like… dissin’ the Lord himself. Swearin’ ain’t no mother fuckin’ blasphemy. Now, if I said ‘eh, fuck God, God is a bitch’, that shit is blasphemy!
LOMAX
There you go again, with your ‘shit’ and all that. Why can’t you just say ‘that’s blasphemy’? Why you gota say ‘that shit is blasphemy’?
STAN
Lo’, you be doin’ that shit too! You just all uppity-your-mother-fucking-ass cos you high!
Silence falls.
LOMAX
Man, shut up bitch, who the fuck askin’ you!?
LYLE AND STAN
You!
Silence falls again.
LOMAX
Man… I was just tryin’ to prove a point, is all. You ain’t gota shoot a playa down, y’know!?
STAN
Boy, you ain’t no mother fuckin’ playa.
LYLE
You like… a bench playa, maybe!
Lyle and Stan laugh.
LOMAX
I ain’t no bench playa!
LYLE
Oh, my bad, my bad.
STAN
Eh, you right Lo’… you ain’t no bench playa.
LOMAX
Thank you!
STAN
You more like a mother fuckin’… cheerleader!
Lyle and Stan crack up with uncontrollable laughter. Lomax struggles to his feet, almost falling over, which is received by another burst of laughter from the others.
LOMAX
Bitch, fuck you, I don’t need this shit! I can go get high with some other mother fucker.
Lomax goes to the door, opens it and steps through.
STAN
Eh, Lo’! I was just foolin’, man!
The door slams shut and we hear Lomax almost falling down the stairs.
STAN
Aaaah, shit! Man, you gota learn how to take a joke!
We hear Lomax storming up the stairs. The door bursts open and Lomax falls into the room.
LYLE
Lo’, you crazy coon what the fuck you doin’!? You almost broke my mother fuckin’ door!
Lomax leaps to his feet.
LOMAX
Your moms is back!
LYLE
Oh shit!
There is a scuffle between the three as they rush around the room hiding the weed and papers. We hear someone coming up the stairs.
LYLE’S MOM (V.O.)
Lyle?
Lyle stops rushing about for a second to shout through his open door.
LYLE
Er… yeah mom!?
LYLE MOM (V.O.)
What are you boys doing up there?
LYLE
Nothin’, mom… just being boys and shit…
Lyle bites his lip, knowing he’s done wrong swearing to his mother.
LYLE’S MOM (V.O.)
Boy, don’t be fuckin’ swearing at me!
LYLE
Sorry mom.
Behind Lyle, Stan hits Lomax full force with a pillow. Lomax is knocked across Lyle’s bed, crashing noisily through Lyle’s wardrobe door. Lyle spins on the two, instantly forgetting about his mother being well-in earshot of all that is said.
LYLE
What the fuck you guys!? First you smoke all my mother fuckin’ weed now you break my mother fuckin’ door!? You guys are a couple of fuckin’ dickless pricks!
STAN
How the fuck can we be dickless prick’s!? ‘Prick’ is another word for ‘dick’, so ‘dickless prick’ just cancelled itself out, you fuckin’ melon!
LOMAX
Guys, guys… ssshhh…
LYLE AND STAN
Shut the fuck up, Lo’!
In this time, Lyle’s mother has appeared in the doorway and has been listening to every word said.
LYLE’S MOM
What the fuck is goin’ on in my house!?
Lyle and Stan slowly turn to Lyle’s Mom.
LYLE
Oh shit… I think we’re in trouble…
Cue Music – Marilyn Manson: Disposable Teens
Fade out to:
Black screen with credit roll