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Dia de los Muertos (1 Viewer)

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
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Dia de los Muertos

We’d celebrate Día de los Muertos yearly, Mother would be in the kitchen dancing to the music coming from the parade, while she was preparing a family feast. Father, well…Father was usually drunk as fuck dancing all day in the parade, it was so beautiful, everyone was dressed from head to toe in technicolored dresses, suits, and wore scary masks or painted faces, Men, Women, Children all beautifully designed, have you ever seen something so stunning, that it takes your breath away every time you see it, almost like it’s the first time? utterly speechless. Father was so unhelpful that really pissed me off about him, Mother always worked tirelessly and it was heartbreaking to see, but he was so funny, oh he made me laugh so much, he was always the joker in the family. He would stumble in at 4 am pissed out of his mind singing the songs from the parade, stumbling over everything waking us all up, almost sounded like we were being burgled.

But even though he was annoying as hell, it was comforting to know he was back home safe. But in 2020 things were a little different, the pandemic hit the town’s people, they turned against one another, so much anger and despair, they grew fangs and long fingernails, crimson shot eyes, they started biting necks, clawing flesh out of each other’s backs and faces, covered in blood.The fucking screams ohhhh the cries of helpless people ohhh! I can still here the children crying as the parade was turned into a fucking bloodbath,Mother and Father were cradling each other while they screamed writhing in agony , reaching out for me oh fuckkk! They were…. I can’t get my words out and I couldn’t help them because it was too late fuck fuck fuck! I can’t breath on my own anymore. The town’s people had become an urban legend. Dia de los Muertos had literally taken on the name that everyone feared so much. How do you possibly erase those screams this goes beyond my wildest nightmares. My life is certainly never going to be the same. Wake up Maria you’ll be late for school hurry!

J.h
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
For me, this strays from prose poetry into pure prose. I think if this was to move back towards the former you need to play with elision and syntax to create poetic urgency. To really add interest I would play around with line length and space between the piece. If you’re going to present the reader with a block of writing like this then it needs to have a rhythm and flow that drives them through.

If I’m being honest, I would omit the idea of 2020 and really focus on the sights and sounds of Dia de los Muertos. It’s an interesting enough premise on its own, it doesn’t need 2020 thrown in.

Cheers

Syd
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
For me, this strays from prose poetry into pure prose. I think if this was to move back towards the former you need to play with elision and syntax to create poetic urgency. To really add interest I would play around with line length and space between the piece. If you’re going to present the reader with a block of writing like this then it needs to have a rhythm and flow that drives them through.

If I’m being honest, I would omit the idea of 2020 and really focus on the sights and sounds of Dia de los Muertos. It’s an interesting enough premise on its own, it doesn’t need 2020 thrown in.

Cheers

Syd

Thank You very much Syd.
I’ll take that into consideration.
To be honest. I’m writing several little stories and moving on from them. It seems to be helping me grow as a writer.
And as always, your advice
has helped me a lot , thank You very much [emoji122][emoji122]


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