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Dependence (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Water
Satisfies
Purifies
Majestic
Overflowing
Overpowering
It overwhelms
It suffocates
It can kill


Fire
Heat
Nourishment
Alluring
Easily ignited
Raging
Blazing
It Burns
It scars
It can kill


Knives
Protecting
Shaping, Carving, Molding
Useful, Practical
Paring
Manipulating
Hunting
It slashes
It punctures
It can kill

They see your Magnificence
Your strength and your power
They see your beauty
And she feels the pain


… isolated in her story


They see your beauty
And she feels the pain

The implying message is magnificent Happy.

Good luck
Ritu
 

Annie. Marie

Senior Member
I get how you created an acknowledgement of both the good and bad of the elements.
My only critique would be I guess I was a little confused about where talking about the topic of knives came into play. I liked seeing a stanza for water and fire, thinking it was following an element pattern, and then was kind of thrown off with the knives.
Overall, I think it's a good piece, thank you for sharing.

-Annie
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
I get how you created an acknowledgement of both the good and bad of the elements.
My only critique would be I guess I was a little confused about where talking about the topic of knives came into play. I liked seeing a stanza for water and fire, thinking it was following an element pattern, and then was kind of thrown off with the knives.
Overall, I think it's a good piece, thank you for sharing.

-Annie

Hey Annie,

Glad you liked.

You're right. It does feel a little jarring going from 'the elements' to 'knives'.

I was thinking about things needed for survival if out in the wilderness; you need water, fire to cook, and some kind of blade to hunt, etc.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Your opinions and comments are always welcome and appreciated.
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Water
Satisfies
Purifies
Majestic
Overflowing
Overpowering
It overwhelms
It suffocates
It can kill


Fire
Heat
Nourishment
Alluring
Easily ignited
Raging
Blazing
It Burns
It scars
It can kill


Knives
Protecting
Shaping, Carving, Molding
Useful, Practical
Paring
Manipulating
Hunting
It slashes
It punctures
It can kill

They see your Magnificence
Your strength and your power
They see your beauty
And she feels the pain


… isolated in her story


They see your beauty
And she feels the pain

Thank You for sharing, this is lovely [emoji3526]
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
Water
Satisfies
Purifies
Majestic
Overflowing
Overpowering
It overwhelms
It suffocates
It can kill


Fire
Heat
Nourishment
Alluring
Easily ignited
Raging
Blazing
It Burns
It scars
It can kill


Knives
Protecting
Shaping, Carving, Molding
Useful, Practical
Paring
Manipulating
Hunting
It slashes
It punctures
It can kill

They see your Magnificence
Your strength and your power
They see your beauty
And she feels the pain


… isolated in her story


They see your beauty
And she feels the pain

I like the slow and easy read of this. Is fire 'easily ignited' though? 'easily ignites'?
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
I like the slow and easy read of this. Is fire 'easily ignited' though? 'easily ignites'?

Hey there!

I didn't notice that...I am thinking that easily ignited (by.... where the by might be implied...by a spark, etc.)Probably a stretch.
Easily ignites works.

Thank you for reading and commenting. Very much appreciated.
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
Hey there!

I didn't notice that...I am thinking that easily ignited (by.... where the by might be implied...by a spark, etc.)Probably a stretch.
Easily ignites works.

Thank you for reading and commenting. Very much appreciated.

I'd love to help more with poetry in general but there are far more accomplished poets in here than me and I'm more likely to advise incorrectly. That's why I've eased off a bit. Let the experts help :)
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
I'd love to help more with poetry in general but there are far more accomplished poets in here than me and I'm more likely to advise incorrectly. That's why I've eased off a bit. Let the experts help :)

Well, your advice does help one to think and just sharing your impressions of a poem are helpful (at least to me). I stay away from critiquing poems cause I don't much about technique and the like. So I understand.
 
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