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Condemned (1 Viewer)

ForgedinFlames

Senior Member
For almost a century, I have gazed down upon this city sidewalk. My body of rock cannot move, but my soul burns inside. I have seen trends come and go, which persist like the symptoms of a plague. Throughout the decades, wealth has been displayed like crooked peacock feathers while rebellion festers in growing shadows, and I predict that these tall buildings, which attempt to emulate great monuments amidst venomous advertisements will soon fall. The windows along Michigan Ave. reflect carbon copies of various people and there are messages hidden in fine print everywhere.


A hefty young urban professional male in crisp slacks, shiny oxfords, and a brightly colored purple dress shirt walks quickly toward the subway as a bus adorned with the picture of a juicy cheeseburger, fries, and a sweating cup of soda slides past him. Please see your doctor if you find yourself repulsed by your own reflection. Side effects may also include a greatly unfulfilled life and the inability to witness your children grow up.


Not far behind, a kid with a skateboard, black skinny jeans, and a mow-hawk bangs his head to the angry Punk music blaring through his headphones. He reaches into his front pocket for his pack of Marlboro Reds, noticing that there’s only one left, and spots a small convenience store up ahead with the large picture of a fresh pack on the window. He walks in. Please consult your therapist if you find yourself obeying the direct orders given by inanimate objects. Symptoms may also include complete apathy toward the well-being of those around you and unflinching denial.


As the sun begins to descend, glowing deep orange, people seek release from the tension that has been at their backs all day, the relentless snapping jaws of rabid wolves. Don’t forget to pay the bills. Did the boss like my presentation? I wish I were in Hawaii right now. How much longer will I be in debt? Did I pass the final? Will I ever fall in love?


The moon comes out and a young college girl walks to the bus stop from class. She’s smiling because she just got a text from a guy she has a crush on. “Party tonight!!” it reads. She sits on a bench within a brightly lit booth, the bus route on the glass on one side and an advertisement with a shiny bottle of vodka on the other. Please visit your neglected dreams if you find your life filled to the brim with tarnished memories and regret. Side effects may also include violent tendencies and lack of self-worth.


Rain begins to dot my eroding skull and I long for the day that I am completely erased from this place. Until then, I am forced to watch. The times may have changed, but some things remain the same. Lost children, they wander blindly through the maze.
 

ForgedinFlames

Senior Member
Sorry, I was going for prose, but I can definitely see it being more fiction. Any way I can move the thread to another forum or delete it?
 

Chesters Daughter

Staff member
Global Moderator
Please tell me where you'd like it moved and I shall tend to it. I was going to move it to the main Fiction board but perhaps you'd prefer one of the sub-forums.
 

escorial

WF Veterans
I love the way american writters describe walkin,blocks,sidewalks..then the way you describe food..might be a slight bit of content an not reflect on the whole story but it works for me.
 

Quick239

Senior Member
I like how you described the city by interacting with the people that constitute it. Your story seems like an introduction to something. We know very little about the main character, if it is even a person. You beautifully depict some of modern society's issues in your segments in Italic, which added to the flow of the story even though they weren't inherently a part of it, and I honestly quite liked it.

Keep up the great work and I'd be happy to read whatever you might write.

Cheers!
 

ForgedinFlames

Senior Member
I love the way american writters describe walkin,blocks,sidewalks..then the way you describe food..might be a slight bit of content an not reflect on the whole story but it works for me.
Glad you were able to get something out of it :).
 
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ForgedinFlames

Senior Member
I like how you described the city by interacting with the people that constitute it. Your story seems like an introduction to something. We know very little about the main character, if it is even a person. You beautifully depict some of modern society's issues in your segments in Italic, which added to the flow of the story even though they weren't inherently a part of it, and I honestly quite liked it.

Keep up the great work and I'd be happy to read whatever you might write.

Cheers!
Thanks! I like experimenting with style and good job catching that the main character might not be a person ;).
 

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