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Collaboration... (1 Viewer)

A

ArjelTheRevenant

I'm new to these forums, so if this post has anything that violates the rules and guidelines, I apologize.

For quite some time now, I have been wanting to write a screenplay. I created a story and I know it - as well as the characters - front to back and back to front again. An obvious first step.

My problem is that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get a handle on screenplay form. I mean, I understand the basics of it, but I always end up being either overly wordy or "cutting the fat" way too much.
That's why I feel collaboration is the way to go. I have the vision, but not the skill. I need someone to write my screenplay for me.

So, I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or tips on how to go about this - where to find someone, etc.
Or if there is anyone on these boards that would like to help me write a horror-based script.

Thanks in advance...
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
i'd be happy to help you, if it didn't have violent content... BUT... if you want to start out with a non-violent practice/learning piece, i'll be glad to show you how to write a script...

love and hugs, maia
[email protected]
 
A

ArjelTheRevenant

mammamaia said:
i'd be happy to help you, if it didn't have violent content... BUT... if you want to start out with a non-violent practice/learning piece, i'll be glad to show you how to write a script...

love and hugs, maia
[email protected]

I sincerely appreciate that, but unfortunately, my story does contain violent content. It's nothing like guns, explosions, murder, etc... but violence is still violence.

The following is about a half of a page that I've written, to give an example of my work. It's brief, I know, but this is about what I'm capable of.


EXT. EXPRESSWAY – DAY

From the forested hills in the background to the small pockets of woods just past the guardrail, it’s a winter wonderland. Beautiful, if you’re into that.

A light snow falls, adding to what’s there. Enough traffic is out to keep the road clear.

Along the shoulder, a MAN, in his 40’s, walks at a healthy clip. He’s bundled in a long hooded coat and wearing gloves. It must be enough as the strongest GUSTS OF WIND cannot make him turn.

A CELL PHONE begins to RING, muffled. Without stopping, the man looks down at his pocket and reaches towards it. Then reconsiders. He lets the RINGING stop by itself.

There is a brief pause before the RINGING beings again. The man focuses on the snowy path before him and the CELL PHONE eventually quits.
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
since there's no violence in this excerpt, i can at least give you some feedback on your writing style and format... bottom line is you're writing a novel here, not a screenplay...

i'll rewrite each section just to show you how to write lean and clean, as you must, if you want to have spec script by a newbie taken seriously...

EXT. EXPRESSWAY – DAY

...slug line is ok...

From the forested hills in the background to the small pockets of woods just past the guardrail, it’s a winter wonderland. Beautiful, if you’re into that.

A light snow falls, adding to what’s there. Enough traffic is out to keep the road clear.

A winter wonderland, with tree-covered hills in the distance and pockets of woods extending to the guardrails. Snow covers all and more falls gently. Traffic is light.

Along the shoulder, a MAN, in his 40’s, walks at a healthy clip. He’s bundled in a long hooded coat and wearing gloves. It must be enough as the strongest GUSTS OF WIND cannot make him turn.

[note: in action element, things are not typed in all-caps... only key word of sfx (though even that's not done much nowadays) and character names]

A MAN (40s) walks briskly along the shoulder, seemingly unaffected by strong gusts of wind. He wears a long, hooded coat and gloves.

A CELL PHONE begins to RING, muffled. Without stopping, the man looks down at his pocket and reaches towards it. Then reconsiders. He lets the RINGING stop by itself.

There is a brief pause before the RINGING beings again. The man focuses on the snowy path before him and the CELL PHONE eventually quits.

[note: nothing in a script 'begins'... when something happens, you write it... till it does, you don't]

A cell phone in the man's pocket RINGS. He reaches for it, then lets it ring till it stops. After a few seconds, it RINGS again. He ignores it, and continues on his way.

...so, with all the novel-ish stuff pared away, here's all you needed:

EXT. EXPRESSWAY – DAY

A winter wonderland, with tree-covered hills in the distance and pockets of woods extending to the guardrails. Snow covers all and more falls gently. Traffic is light.

A MAN (40s) walks briskly along the shoulder, seemingly unaffected by strong gusts of wind. He wears a long, hooded coat and gloves.

A cell phone in the man's pocket RINGS. He reaches for it, then lets it ring till it stops. After a few seconds, it RINGS again. He ignores it, and continues on his way.


...hope this helps... hugs, m
 
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