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Cobweb (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Pictures uploaded,
Dreams unloaded.
Imagination in words,
all served in a dish of fantasy.
Caught in the cobweb of virtual reality,
you are the prey and you are the predator.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I like this a lot, the change of form from you is a nice addition to your other pieces, the pared back style helps you to really hit the reader hard with what you want to say.

Would downloaded work instead of unloaded in L2? Would help carry the conceit a little better I think, but that’s just my opinion.

Cheers

Syd
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Hello,

I like this a lot, the change of form from you is a nice addition to your other pieces, the pared back style helps you to really hit the reader hard with what you want to say.

Would downloaded work instead of unloaded in L2? Would help carry the conceit a little better I think, but that’s just my opinion.

Cheers

Syd

Hi Syd.
By dreams unloaded I meant to say, expectations from yourselves unloaded from yourselves, to the users of the virtual world.

Need your view on this again Syd.
Thanks

Ritu
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Unloading works because it’s the writer’s intention, I totally understand why you choose it. I think to change it would of course then change the author’s intention which is what you don’t want to do.

Cheers

Syd

Exactly.
Thanks a lot for helping.

Keep writing.
Good luck

Ritu
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
Pictures uploaded,
Dreams unloaded.
Imagination in words,
all served in a dish of fantasy.
Caught in the cobweb of virtual reality,
you are the prey and you are the predator.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal

Hey Ritu,

I came back to this piece a few times.
I really like the last line "You are the prey and you are the predator". It is interesting how the fantasy created by the web can leave one vulnerable, and how we can be victim and perpetrator.

Good job. Thank you for sharing.
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Hey Ritu,

I came back to this piece a few times.
I really like the last line "You are the prey and you are the predator". It is interesting how the fantasy created by the web can leave one vulnerable, and how we can be victim and perpetrator.

Good job. Thank you for sharing.

Thanks for the read Happy

Good luck

Ritu
 
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