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City in the Sky (2 Viewers)

starsofclay

Senior Member


(headphones are best to enjoy my videos)
City in the Sky

The city shines like a cluster of green amethyst, a beacon of hope in light of a sordid past.

Legends of old speak of how our city was plucked from the fertile green fields far below the clouds, from a land once held in the highest esteem. Only the eldest of the elders remembers the motherland, and the great calamity which befell it many years ago. She only speaks of it when pressed (or sometimes on karaoke night).

But life here in the city is great. Sometimes I sit with a few of my friends at the edge of the lower gardens and watch the clouds burn in the crimson sunsets. Here we dangle our feet over the edge, and imagine ourselves flying through the sea of clouds, the only thing to catch us if we fall. I'll admit it sounds a bit reckless, but the invisible barrier would never let us fall, only the streams of water flowing from the city's center. Where they land, no one knows; but I like to think they are cleansing the scorched earth below. Perhaps one day we can return.

I tell my closest friend what's on my heart:

"Sometimes I can see the earth peaking through the clouds below. Do you think there is human life down there?"

"Shhh... Go back to the city!"

Perhaps they are right. I have everything I need here. But I'll keep searching...
 

starsofclay

Senior Member
Need help! Publishing this story in my new book, but there are two lines that are written by the painter. This one in particular is bugging me--

"Sometimes I can see the earth peaking through the clouds below. Do you think there is human life down there?"

So before I change their words, what do you guys think? I would want to say "peeking" but when I think about it in context of the story, perhaps "peaking" does work, since it would probably be the mountain tops that are showing through the clouds.

I guess the question is, does it bug you?

HELP! Thank you!!:cool::)
 
Last edited:

KatPC

Senior Member
Need help! Publishing this story in my new book, but there are two lines that are written by the painter. This one in particular is bugging me--

"Sometimes I can see the earth peaking through the clouds below. Do you think there is human life down there?"

So before I change their words, what do you guys think? I would want to say "peeking" but when I think about it in context of the story, perhaps "peaking" does work, since it would probably be the mountain tops that are showing through the clouds.

I guess the question is, does it bug you?

HELP! Thank you!!:cool::)

On my first read, I actually read it as peeking, as that seemed to make more sense. It was only when you wrote 'peaking' did I realise what you wanted to convey.

A suggestion:
Sometimes I can see the earth peak through the clouds. Do you think there is human life down there?
 

starsofclay

Senior Member
On my first read, I actually read it as peeking, as that seemed to make more sense. It was only when you wrote 'peaking' did I realise what you wanted to convey.

A suggestion:
Sometimes I can see the earth peak through the clouds. Do you think there is human life down there?
Thank you, I will ask the painter your suggestion.
 
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