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Children going through Alienation (1 Viewer)

CarolFa

Senior Member
Children out there with no voice
losing a whole family, not by choice
Their rights taken
Hearts broken

Told not to talk about it
Just press it down and forget about it
How can you?
Your heart can't be true

Love surrounded you for years
Now all you have is tears
Growing up carrying all this emotional pain
It's not what you expected, it's a horrible game

We all need to belong
To feel connected and strong
Please stop Alienation
Children in crisis, beyond frustration

We need to get it right
Their lives, their future in sight
Let's get together for the common good
Our children are worth more than to be misunderstood

Trauma creates all kinds of problems
mental illness, addiction, then no one wants them
No need to go through life
Hearts cut with a knife

It's now time for parents to set their vengeance aside
pick children first, take a big stride
The world out there is hard enough
Our children need us to change the course
and make them smile and laugh
 

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Really like the tone and the cadence on this piece. One thing that does seem to impede the message is the alienation of all others except children. It is a universal occurrence of those marginalized. It has no age biases. It is a phenomenon that needs to be addressed on all sides. Generations screaming to be heard...unconscious biases, one being age.

Children deserve freedom, joy, and an inherent sense of safety; they have a right to play without fear. And those faces lost in the shuffle of prior generations are standing up, seeking help, raising their voices, and speaking out to break the cycles that have repeated for aeons.

Trauma is never a competition, but it is not limited to age. Chosen human. Chosen empathy and kindness. What is right and not just easy.
 

CarolFa

Senior Member
Yes, I totally agree but I feel that children are suffering more because they don't have access or know how to get access to express themselves. I'm actually politically fighting this hoping that they consider putting well being of children in their curriculum by offering sessions with resource teacher, yoga teachers, meditation, anything that will help at the get go. I appreciate your comments.
 

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
I can see you've worked on this, though I do feel it could be strengthened immensely if tightening up the wording and freeing it from end rhyme.
The Poetry Showcase isn't the place for detailed critique as it's meant to be a dip-your-toes-in-the-water board, but a small example might be:

Told not to talk about it
Just press it down and forget about it

If it weren't for the need to maintain end rhyme, "about it" could be dropped from the second line - and possibly both - for

Told not to talk
Just press it down and forget

Rhyme can have a place, but maybe it can be used more sparingly to emphasise key places?

Don't talk
press it down
forget

The form (if one is used) of a poem can help set the mood.

I may have overstepped the boundary of what the Showcase is for, and I'm certainly no poetry expert. I can see you put in a lot of effort and I look forward to reading more of your work.
 
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