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Otviss

Senior Member
Thought I'd try my hands on something more traditional. Enjoy!


The pleasure of travel stops being a journey
Ceases to be extraordinary
Once the fatigue of heat reaches thee
Once just sweating, now agony
A piston, peeled thin by labor
No recollection, the face of thy neighbor
Smog advancing both day and night
Somewhere thou considers, this can not be right
Giggling youngsters carrying a prophecy
Dampened by raw but innocent honesty
Abandoned or released can it be more uncertain
I, will be, must be the one alertin'
For one is strong but two is stronger
It is nobodies duty to endure this any longer
For thou ponders but one question
Is this life or is it oppression

 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
I can feel the rhythm of the train in this one, also the despair and desperation of heat and uncontrolled kids! Possibly the worst feeling in the world - being trapped in conditions of both physical and mental distress. Definitely oppression in my opinion. ;) Nice, creative rhyming too.
 

Otviss

Senior Member
I can feel the rhythm of the train in this one, also the despair and desperation of heat and uncontrolled kids! Possibly the worst feeling in the world - being trapped in conditions of both physical and mental distress. Definitely oppression in my opinion. ;) Nice, creative rhyming too.

What else but right?

Very kind words as always. I appreciate it a lot.
 
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