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Cease (1 Viewer)

Otviss

Senior Member
On the pavement, once a life. You walked through earthquakes and miracles, yet the luminous bridges retire like mysterious rulers in the sky.

Alas, trust what you must. It was here, it certainly was. A to do list. It was spending. Stamping in the clear. The leagues. Gushing like a faulty faucet dreaming. Until it was beyond stopping. The horribly dark evenings corrupted with chlorine. It waited for me and my might to corrode the hearts of plenty.

Time and time again, I elevate. Reach for the snickering pendant. Swinging majestically over the farm of hollow impressions. Everlasting, furious backtracking ultimatums. I was so certain of the wards. Those you can glimpse behind the hills of terror.

They were thieves of justice. Stealing guardians, scattering themselves like intoxicated gravel. Ready to haunt once again from below. Despite the orphans concluding, case closed. 5 stars. It was all in the trenches. Concealed, like a plastic pillar in red sand.

How you wish you had the courage brought back again. Clothes that fit the lexicon of envelopes, tied with golden strings of manners. But look at it. The bait, taking the perfect turn, slithering past the corners. Is it not the sign you were waiting for? That which bathes your body with sparkling water. Tingling veins, anticipating fulfillment. No. I was robbed in my childhood and now searching for something to blame.
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
There is an eeriness and atmosphere of fear surrounding your poem that makes it an almost disturbing read. I'm not very familiar with prose poetry but this piece certainly comes across as poetry rather than prose. The storyline is an enigma but the message seems to be that early experiences will define the future life.

A complex and difficult poem for me but it was interesting to read.
 

Otviss

Senior Member
There is an eeriness and atmosphere of fear surrounding your poem that makes it an almost disturbing read. I'm not very familiar with prose poetry but this piece certainly comes across as poetry rather than prose. The storyline is an enigma but the message seems to be that early experiences will define the future life.

A complex and difficult poem for me but it was interesting to read.

I appreciate it! Thank you. And the fact that you could find something in it going beyond conventional ways. :)
 

stuub27

Senior Member
So good! I have no idea what is going on in here, but it is powerful (and the confusion at least leads to multiple interpretations).

Your phrasing is excellent. Many favourites, but if forced to choose just one, "gushing like a faulty faucet dreaming" would be my pick. Not so much the 'best', just clicks most for me :)

And the final line...Nailed it

Thanks for sharing. I hope to read more!
 

Otviss

Senior Member
So good! I have no idea what is going on in here, but it is powerful (and the confusion at least leads to multiple interpretations).

Your phrasing is excellent. Many favourites, but if forced to choose just one, "gushing like a faulty faucet dreaming" would be my pick. Not so much the 'best', just clicks most for me :)

And the final line...Nailed it

Thanks for sharing. I hope to read more!

Awfully kind of you! Thanks for reading :)
 
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