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(C.16) I Wait for His Call (1 Viewer)

vcnavega

Senior Member
‘Mia Regina’, which means ‘my queen’ in Italian, he would say, every time I said something he thought was insightful. Hrday took such a good care of me. He couldn’t stand to see me sad, depressed, and I used to be depressed all the time. Every time I thought I had failed in my service to my gurudeva, he would convince me that I hadn’t. He always assured me I was special. He always said my guru loved me like he didn’t love anybody else. I always could count on Hrday. Even with the difference of time between Brazil and Italy, Hrday would be available to me, even in the late hours, in the middle of the night. He trusted nobody, but me. After he died, I was the only one who knew his deepest secrets. I didn’t know how to act upon them, though. He was also the only one who knew my secrets, and even though now I have you, Sam, I still can’t count on you as I counted on him. It doesn’t mean it is your fault. It is not. Hrday was unique, we had a relationship I will never have with anybody else.”

“What can I do for you to count on me as you counted on him?”

“I don’t think there is anything you can do. Things don’t work like that. There is only one Sam, and there was only one Hrday. My life will be never the same without him, as my life wouldn’t be the same if you left me. I will never get over his death. Sometimes I think about his death and I cry as if I just got the news. It hurts me so much, I feel I am going to die. I want to join him. We always traveled together, I don’t understand why this trip he wanted to go by himself, without taking me with him. Sometimes I feel as if I am just waiting to take the next flight, to join him, but it is taking too long. And I suppose he is having such a good time. I envy him. I am ready to go. I’d hate to leave you, Sam. There is also my mum, I don’t want to leave her alone, but I always did before, I never thought about her when I had to travel, I just took the next flight and was gone.”

“Please, Vilminha, don’t leave me.”

“Are you sure you want me to stay? I am too intense. Nobody can stand me. Sometimes people need a break from me. I don’t give people a break. Hrday was the only one who could stand me, and even he got fed up with me eventually. Sometimes he wanted to calm me down, he tried in every possible way and didn’t succeed, but at least he tried. It was not easy for me to control his intensity either. I knew he was killing himself. It was a slow suicide that he committed. It could have been an ugly death, but due to his good deeds, the ones he performed during his whole life, God arranged for him a beautiful death. Dying while cooking is a sattva guna death, a death in the mode of goodness, high consciousness. Dying on the kitchen floor, at the feet of our mother, is very auspicious. I placed some Ganga water on his forehead when his was in his coffin, as well as some tulsi leaves and garlands offered to the deities. The ceremonies that were performed for him in India were very auspicious too. I don’t believe anyone will perform such ceremonies for me when I die.”

“Would you like that?”

“Not really. I wouldn’t mind. I don’t think there will be anybody available to do that for me. Maybe my ex, who knows.”

“I suppose I couldn’t do all that for you.”

“I don’t expect you to. In fact, I don’t expect much from you. If you could just listen to all I am saying here, and especially the things that are not being said out loud, but are being said in a subtle level, I’d be already satisfied. Actually, I believe most of the things I say here you will be able to understand only when I die.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Soon enough we all do. And now that Hrday is there I already have more attraction to death than I used to have. But I also must admit that after I met you I have rethought my ideas about dying. It seems that now I have a reason to live. Somehow, Sam, you are keeping me alive. But I must warn you, if Hrday comes to call me, I will follow him.”

“Please, don’t.”

“So, pray to him. Try to contact him in your prayers, and ask him how to deal with me, in order not to hurt me. Remember, I am oversensitive, and even though I am working on it, there is the risk of touching a sensitive point and hurting me inadvertently.”

“Yes, I want to avoid it.”

“Try to contact him, and pray for him to guide you.”

“But you said he is unreachable.”

“Not completely. He became an angel. You can contact him through prayers.”

“Do you want me to pray to your brother? You say he is an angel? I don’t know if I believe that.”

“Oh. Matters of belief… I hate them. Faith is something that comes from the heart. If that is not in your heart, just forget I said something about it, and go on with your life. Somebody will take care of me when I die. It doesn’t have to be you, you already did so much for me when I was alive. You won’t need to do anything for me if I die.”

“Vilminha, you seem so dark.”

“I am just remembering my brother, it happens to me sometimes. It is not that I got rid of him when I scattered his ashes on Yamuna and now I forgot everything about him. He is always with me, especially when I go through hard times. Sometimes I think about calling him, as if he was still living in Milan, then I remember he doesn’t live there anymore. It is a strange felling. I even start dialing his number until I realize that it won’t work. I don’t expect you to understand it. Let it be, Sam, never mind.”

“I am so sorry, Vilminha.”

“That is okay, Sam. You don’t need to understand everything about me. Sometimes we don’t need to be ‘we’ and ‘us’, we can just be ‘you and I’.”
 

Mr MTS

Member
I think this encompasses an original idea about two people comparing themselves to a former relationship.


It was interesting to learn that Hrday was in fact a brother rather than a lover, which was a nice twist. The grammar and writing was strong throughout the piece.

However, I think the story needed some action so that it gives the story some pace. And the reader can gasp onto while reading as seemed in this piece, had no action at all.
 

Mr mitchell

WF Veterans
The idea I thought was different as I haven't seen a story like this before.

But I found the story boring as nothing happened. Not sentential to anything and all the story did was ramble on about feelings. Sure, there is a place for that, but I find you did that for too long. And I agree with MTS as the story needs action, at least a little bit.
 

vcnavega

Senior Member
Dear Mr MTS and Mr Mitchell,
First, I’d like to thank Mr. MTS for the compliment. He said that ‘The grammar and writing was strong throughout the piece.’ I suppose you don’t know what it means to me – a Brazilian who is writing a memoir in a language other than her birth tongue.

As for the action, both of you said you need some, and you also said you needed this piece to make more sense. Please, read the chapter 3 of the Part A of my memoir. This one you just read was the chapter 16 of the Part C. Perhaps this is why it seems so confusing, even though I think you were able to understand pretty well what I did.
Yes, I was comparing my late brother to my boyfriend. It was something I shouldn’t have done, and in the next chapter I will apologize for having done it. I was just missing him.
I am telling you to read that other chapter because it is in the very beginning of my memoir when I tell about his death. I suppose my brother and I had something like a love affair, and maybe this is why this chapter you read seems to be a twist.
I am flattered you liked my piece. Always grateful,
V. C. Navega
PS: For having access to all chapters of my memoir just click on the links shown on my signature. I am still not done, the last part, Part C, will have 32 chapters, I am almost there, will finish it next week.
 

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