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Broken confidence (1 Viewer)

T.S

Member
So I’m confessing my love to you.
Through writing i know
You’ll never get to read.

Just to imagine for a second
That I’m with you
And you’re with me

edited version

So I’m confessing my love to you
Through writing I know
You’ll never read

imagining for a second
That I’m with you
And you’re with me
 
Last edited:

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
I enjoy poems that carry a simple and poignant message. They have the power to punch above their weight. All the emotion and sadness is embodied in your final stanza and leaves the reader with a strong sense of that regret and longing. Well done!
If I had the power to make any changes, it would only be to cut out some of the superfluous words that, for me, cloud the emotional impact. The final line of the first stanza could shed the 'get to' which would, I think, be just as meaningful and also bring the syllable count in line with the final line in the second verse. In the same way, changing 'just to imagine' to 'imagining' in the second stanza continues the immediacy of the feeling that comes through in the first verse. All slight technical tweaks but they can sometimes make a big difference to how a poem comes across to the reader. Just an opinion, though, of course. :)
 

T.S

Member
Honestly, I appreciate the input and I think those changes would make for a better read. Especially, like you said changing the word to simply “imaging”. Hell it it me different when I read it that way, and I wrote it! Thank you again for the great ideas, very much!
 
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