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Eiji Tunsinagi

Senior Member

I was expecting a twist at the end, and when there wasn't one, I was actually happy. How everything turned upside-down so fast near the end was good, but you were actually kind of expecting something because some of what the guy said "playfully" actually just seemed like way to big of givaways.

I think if you actually have zero foreshadowing and then just bring it all out in the last page and a half that would have more of an abrupt effect. Also, maybe let it seems like she's going to escape a little more in the end before she's finished.


Senior Member
you need to post it here, ben... most of us don't go off the forum to read stuff... i'll be glad to take a look at it, but can't handle pdf... hate it, to be honest... but if you want to convert it rtf and send it to me at home, i'll give it a good going over for you in jig time...

love and hugs, maia
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